Sending All My Love to You
by drummer8907
Summary: Oliver struggles with missing his girlfriend while on tour. Miles away, Lilly is going through the same pain. Cell phones keep them connected, but aren't always reliable espeically in Oliver's time of need. Based on Green Day's "Last Night on Earth"
1. Chapter 1

**AN: ****Yes, I know that I still have the last chapter of the ever-popular fic **_**Why Me**_** to finish. That will be out in good time, but I wanted to work on this new story first. The idea came to me last week, but since the news of Oliver's role in the up and coming season 4 has been released, I figured now was as good a time as ever to write a fic like this. I guess you could call it a song fic, seeing how it is based on Green Day's **_**Last Night on Earth**_**...but it's a going to be multi-chapter with both Oliver and Lilly switching POV's. Hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hannah Montana. I do not work for Disney. They have given us the great gift of Loliver, and I couldn't be happier about that. They even made the whole commercial..."together at last." **

"Two minutes, Oliver!"

I hear the booming voices of the backstage crew, but nothing computes. I'm lackadaisical and not aware of their warning. There's a much more important matter occupying my mind. It's crippling me in both figurative and literal meanings. I don't want to move and it feels as though I can't. No one's here to help. There's no force to lift my spirits. Why bother?

_Failure to send message..._

Sighing heavily, I slouch back in the tan colored arm chair. Frustration and anger should never be mixed with home sick and heart ache, yet there's a wave of that very solution washing over me right now. I'm not going to quit. I will sit here as long as it takes. Composing myself, I try again, fiddling with different buttons and options.

_Message failed..._

"Everyone back stage, please!"

I ignore more commands. I'm determined to complete my mission. They don't know what it's like to be in my shoes. This is what they do for a living and have for years. My situation is different. The lights. The crowd. The feeling- it's all new to me. No one ever told me there's a catch; a down side living a dream. When you leave, your heart stays behind. Life is sucked out of you. Hopeless, helpless, useless...

"Oliver?" My guitarist pokes his head around the corner of the open door. "C'mon, man. We gotta go!"

"In a minute." I mutter out the side of my mouth without looking.

"We don't have a minute!" He walks in and points at the clock on the wall. "We need to be out there now!"

My eyes are fixed on the electronic device in my hands and what's glowing on the screen:

_Sending message..._

"Geeze, Oliver!" My band mate tries to grab and pry my only communication source back home out of my hands. It's the fight of the century. I squirm in my seat, pulling out of his reach. "Who could you be texting that's so..."

I look up with distant, cold eyes as he trails off. Nothing else needs to be said on my part. At least_ this _message is clearly sent and received.

"She's ok, don't worry." He pats my shoulder as a means of condolence. How does _he _know? That's just it. He doesn't._ I'm _the one with jumbled feelings. I have a missing piece to my puzzle. For peace of mind, I need to find this out on my own. No one here can tell me everything's alright. Absolutely no one.

My focus goes back to my cell phone screen. The words have not changed. A letter is still being pushed through the slot of a mailbox. Do I blame the old, blue piece of junk itself, or seek vengeance on the thick, cinder block walls and cement-based floor that could be robbing service?

I take a quick glance at the time. Seconds are ticking away at a seemingly faster rate. I don't have the will to let this issue go unaddressed, but I know I must (at least for the time being.)

"Go." I say weakly. No eye contact is made. "I'll be right out."

The guitarist nods and exits quietly. Gripping both arms of the chair, I slowly lift myself to standing position. Balance is off; my legs shake and wobble. Perhaps I'm top-heavy from the giant weight in my chest. I'm functioning on back-up mode. There's just enough emergency power to sustain life, yet I'm being crushed to death every second.

Disappointed and empty, I shove my cell into one of my pant's pockets. Hope remains, but in a tiny measurement. All I can do is pray it works. A confidence booster is what I want. Completion is what I lack. Lilly is what I need...

My feet drag as I ascend the stairs. Faces of my band and the crew greet me. Some have stern looks, because I'm late. I'm not in the mood to deal with them. They can be mad if they want, and scream at me for all I care. An explanation and apology can come later. Business first.

Everyone dashes to their places. We don't even do our usual pre-show ritual. I warm up my voice and wait for my cue. There's no use in trying to clear my head. It won't be the first time I'm going on stage preoccupied, but I've never had to deal with such a heavy heart. I never perform without talking to her beforehand. I can't do this without letting her know one thing. I'm not ready, but I don't have a choice. It's show time.

I walk out on stage to cheers and applauding. My mind boggles; I'm not _that _popular outside of Malibu. Quite a few people are here for such a small venue. Out of all the shows I have done throughout the state these past few weeks, this one seems to be the most packed. I take my place in front of the mic.

"How's everybody doing tonight?" I ask. The crowd erupts. I try to smile in return, but get hit in the chest too hard by an empty feeling. My heart sinks to my stomach, which has been in knots all day. It's important I stay focused, but I miss her too much.

I swear the sent of apples diffuses through out the room, and adorable laughter echoes off the acoustics. Thinking that it will help ease the pain, I envision our last kiss. (How magical it feels when our lips touch.) I was wrong, though. My mind, heart, and soul now ache for the sensation. Why do I torture myself?

"Good, good." I sigh softly between words. Like a fool, my eyes search the mass of people. I know my girl's not here. The dreamer in me wants to pretend she's in the front row. At most shows, that's where she can be found; smiling up at me and singing along obnoxiously. Not this time. She couldn't follow, and I couldn't bring her.

I'm still as a statue on stage for a moment. All these pictures and memories are surging around in the back of my mind, just begging to be released. Physically, the pain of a head ache forms right between eyes. I feel weak and a little spacey. The saying goes, "the show must go on." I will honor that, but it'll go on _my_ way.

I look behind me to my left. "We're gonna start things off a little different..."

I back off from the mic stand and walk across the stage. The band is shooting confused glances and so is the crowd. They whisper theories amongst themselves. I stop in front of the keyboard. It's slightly old black Yamaha that I've had for years. Pushing a few buttons, I find the setting and tone I want.

"What are you doing?" My bassist questions me out of the amplifying range of his mic. He knows I'm not scheduled to be using that instrument until much later in the show. I fiddle with the position of my own microphone in front of me, which can be heard as unpleasant feedback. The sound guy in the back is caught off guard by my sudden action and has to turn knobs and move faders.

My head is down, leaving what little part of shaggy hair I have left to shield my face. I'm regretting cutting so much of it off now. I'd really prefer my eyes to be hidden from everyone's view during a time like this. They're glazed over and are missing their shine. Myself, I am missing my spark. Plus, if they turn red (no, _when _they turn red), I don't want anyone to see. From an outsider's perspective, I must be a total wreck.

"This is-" I try to make visual contact with the crowd, but fail. "This is a song dedicated to the most beautiful and special girl in the world, who hopefully knows I'm thinking about her..." I shut my eyes tightly for a few seconds and breathe out sharply. "And that's all I'm gonna say..."

I partial turn my head so that only the musicians can see me. Now they have another reason to flip out: I'm changing the set list on them at the absolute last minute. We have had this planed and rehearsed in the same order since the first show. Surprisingly, they don't seem angry. This time, I see compassion. Now they understand.

"Last Night on Earth." I crack through my whisper, getting three nods in return (one from each member.) The song fits our situation so perfectly that it has become my personal anthem on this tour. It's almost as if the lyrics were written specifically for us.

Soft lighting illuminates the band, but my figure alone is the main focal point. I bite my lip and breathe deeply. My fingers twitch as I play the beginning chords. Eyes shut and see her face. That's all I can see, so therefore, I act like we're alone and start singing only to my Lilly-pop:

"_I text a postcard sent to you. Did it go through? Sending all my love to you_..."

**Poor Oliver. Hopefully, this will be a little easier to write than I first thought. I'm currently working on a few stories, but updates will come as soon as possible. Let me know what you think.**

-Marissa


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thanks to all who reviewed. The story now jumps to Lilly's POV. It will continue switching back and forth so both characters can express their feelings and share thoughts and memories about each other. Hope you enjoy.**

I'm sitting on the edge of the side of my bed. Slouched over, I'm staring at my cell phone (otherwise known as my life line) in my hands. All I want is to hear that sound. Let his ringtone (I suffer through a Coldplay song just for him_) _fill the room. Make the screen flash "new message" with a picture of my boyfriend's dorky face. Give me a sign. I need _something_.

A frustrated sigh escapes as I slowly lift up my head. I can see my poor reflection in the mirror. My clothes don't match, and my hair is down and in tangles. Blood-shot eyes, pale-ish skin color, a frown complete the look. What has become of me? I'm a mess; a total wreck without him here.

I feel my neck and shoulders crack as I turn to look at the alarm clock on my nightstand. The time surprises me. He should have been on stage by now. It's fifteen minutes past show time. Are they late? If it's one thing I know about my Ollie-pop, it's that he would never leave me in the dark. He made that promise right before he left.

* * *

_I am jolted from an ever so pleasant dream by the sounds of slamming car doors. My eyes crack open as I hear male voices calling out to one another from my opened bedroom window. Squinting at the clock across the room, I try to decipher the time. Everything is blurry (for my body isn't fully awake yet), but I can make out the outline of a few numbers. It's very early in the morning. The sun is just starting to rise._

_I wake up alone; my first thought being "where is my boyfriend?" That's when reality snaps. Oliver is leaving today. What if he has left already? The mere thought strikes me with fear._

_Tossing off the sheet that I don't remember covering up with, I bolt out of my room. I don't even bother to find some shoes. Down the stairs and out the front door I fly. My screen door shuts itself with a slam. A few men, whose voices I had heard from my bedroom, are standing by some sort of large vehicle parked across the street in front of Oliver's house. It looks more like a big van than a tour bus. I see guitar cases, luggage, and other equipment on the side walk. Watching from a distance, I see the men gather everything up and stow it in its proper place. _

_Suddenly, the Oken's garage door opens and Oliver appears with three bags. Aside from a suitcase on wheels, he has a carry-on slung over his shoulder and an old duffle bag with our high school's name on the front. (And he says girls over pack...) I blink a few times to make sure that what I'm seeing is real and not just an unwanted dream. Oliver is in jeans and his favorite hoodie is pulled up over his head. He punches in the code on the keypad and waits for the door to fully shut before casually strolling towards van. Why am I watching as if Oliver has the plague? I can't let him slip away like this. I'm not going to stand in silence anymore._

_I run off my porch and down my sidewalk, stopping just as the street meets the concrete. Several tiny rocks and pieces of chipped-up cement come in contact with my bare feet, but I don't flinch. Oliver continues to drag his suitcase, but stops dead when he sees me standing there. Hurt fills my innocent eyes. It's like I've caught him off guard. He shouldn't be surprised to see me._

_"You guys mind giving me a minute?" Oliver asks the crew, but never takes his eyes off me. "I need some time alone with my girl..." _

_Everyone respects Oliver's request and gives us some space. He slips the bag off his shoulder, places the duffle bag on the ground, and lets go of the suitcase's handle. We are standing just about a foot apart. Oliver looks straight at me almost expression-less. Our eyes do the talking for a little. I don't know how he is feeling until I see the beginning of a frown form. Then I turn to words._

_"You were just gonna leave..." My lip trembles involuntary. Breath can be seen in the early morning air. Even though it's practically summer, sometime the temperature can dip before the sun fully rises. "Without saying goodbye..."_

_"I would never tell you goodbye, Lilly." Oliver replies. "Goodbyes are permanent."_

_"You know what I mean." I fold my arms across my chest and rub them. Sevres me right for running out of the house without thinking. Oliver feels guilty and unzips his hoodie, leaving him in only a plain t-shirt. _

_"Here." He wraps the hoodie around my shoulders. "It's too chilly to be wearing just a tank top, babe. Can't have you getting sick." I put my arms through the sleeves as Oliver continues. "I was gonna throw my stuff in the van, then go up to your room to see you, to tell you the truth. Figured the moment wouldn't be so awkward then, but I like this way better, though." _

_Silence looms and we are still. There are so many things I want to say, so many thoughts I want to share. Our eyes are fixed on each others as mine start to water. Surface tension breaks. One tear leaves my eye and begins to roll down my face. Oliver leans forward and gently presses his lips to my cheek. I can feel his warmth as he kisses away the salty drop. He doesn't want me to cry._

_Oliver pulls his head back. I look up at just the right time. A single tear escapes from his deep, brown eyes. Without saying a word, I raise my hand and wipe it away with my thumb. My hand slowly leaves Oliver's face as my arm returns to rest at my side. He knows I can't stand to see him cry either._

_We try our best to hold ourselves together, but end up reaching out to pull each other close at the same time. I cling on to Oliver's back, placing my forehead on his shoulder. More tears try to break through, but I just close my eyes and fight them. In the arms of my love, that cannot happen. Oliver holds me tight through the unzipped hoodie. I can feel the coolness from his hands on my back._

_"Tell me no." He whispers in my hair._

_"Huh?" I respond._

_"Tell me not to go." Oliver presses my body as close to his as possible. "Tell me I'm making a mistake. Say you'll miss me too much or something."_

_"You know I'll miss you, Oliver." _

_"Then stop me, Lilly-pop!" As a sudden impulse, I am pushed back and held still. I look up at my boyfriend who is beside himself. "You're the only one who can!"_

_I'm overwhelmed and can't find my voice. "I..."_

_"Don't let me ruin things."_

_Oliver is waiting for me to take some sort of course of action. I'm being begged. His eyes widen as a nudge. Sincerity is present my response: "I won't let you."_

_"Then it's settled." Oliver backs up and I'm released. "I'm staying."_

"_No, you're definitely going." I reply firmly._

_"What?" He's shocked. "You just told me you won't let me ruin things!"_

_"And I won't." I close the gap between us. "Which is why you have to do this tour."_

_"You're confusing the heck out of me, Lilly-pop." Oliver says. "One minute you want me, the next, you want to ship me across the country!"_

_"It's not that I want you to be so far away," I begin. Oliver's mouth opens to interject. I reach up and cover it with my hand so that I may continue my explanation. "But this is your dream, honey. You've worked so hard to get here. I'm not going to be the one to single-handedly crush this opportunity for you. No matter how much it'll hurt, I need to let you do this." _

_Oliver kisses against my hand. It's sweet, but I know it's also a sign that he wants to add his two cents. I decide to allow him to take his turn and uncover his mouth._

_"Lilly,__ you're __my dream." Oliver takes the hand that he kissed in his. "You and me. The two of us. __This__ is what I want."_

_"Nothing's changing." I tell him._

_"This big break is a change." He states. "Being away from you is an even bigger one."_

_"You're making this harder than it needs to be." I sniff. I don't know how much more of this flip-flop emotion I can take. _

_"I'm sorry." He stares down at the pavement. "It's just that I'm scared to leave you here alone. I don't want a barrier between us." Oliver ever so slowly lifts his head so that we're watery eye to watery eye. "I don't think I can handle it..." _

_I lean in and wrap my arms around Oliver's waist. My face finds the center of his chest. He holds one arm around my back and runs his hand through my messy hair. We hold each other in the position with our eyes closed. I know mine are burning because I won't let myself burst into tears. _

_"Hey Oliver?" We jerk a part as Oliver flings his head in the direction of the voice. It's one of his band mates. "We gotta hit the road."_

_Oliver nods then turns to face me. Can't time stand still for a little while longer? I do my best to smile, but inside, my stomach is turning. He sighs heavily._

_"I guess I gotta-" _

_Before Oliver can finish, I grab his shirt, yank him towards me, and crash our lips together. I kiss him like there's no tomorrow. In a way, that saying is true. I will not get the chance to kiss my boyfriend tomorrow, or the next day, week, or month for that matter. I want to make sure we each remember what it feels likes; what each other tastes like. This moment, this experience. It needs to be prolonged and cherished. _

_Soon, however, we both need oxygen. Our faces turn color to prove it. I'm the first to pull away, barely able to breathe._

_"Cell phone!" I pant. I'm still holding on to Oliver by his shirt. "On and with you at all times!"_

"_I'll text and call every chance I get!" He manages to make a promise between breaths. "You'll always know what I'm up to!"_

_"Oliver!?" Voices echoes. He's being summoned. I've been telling him to go all this time. Now I actually need to let him._

_"I love you, Ollie-pop." I say softly and kiss him once more. "Make me proud." _

_It takes a few seconds, but my grip on his t-shirt looses. Oliver smoothes out the wrinkles. He leans for a short, tender kiss of his own._

_"Love you, too, Lilly-pop." _

_Oliver gathers up his belongings and packs them in what little free space is available in the van. He closes the back door, then looks over at me. I haven't moved. My face hasn't changed expression. Gesturing, Oliver makes an upward motion with his hand, then fake shivers. He wants me to zip up the hoodie, because it's still too cold. I comply, but never lose eye contact. This earns me a small smile, which I flash in return. _

_I keep telling myself to be strong as I watch Oliver get into the van. Don't do anything stupid. Don't embarrass yourself. He takes his seat by the window. I can see his face faintly. We're still close enough to each other to satisfy our comfort zones. It doesn't feel as bad._

_Until whoever is driving cranks up the engine, and a snap of reality and panic is sent. He's leaving, Lilly. Oliver is really leaving. What am I going to do? _

_Oliver stares out the window blankly. I give him the same look in response. The van shifts from park to drive. My heart starts racing. All of the sudden, it's two hundred degrees. This hoodie I'm wearing is suffocating me. The sun continues to rise, but I feel as though I'm baking in it already. My fingers twitch nervously._

_Then, it happens. The tires start to roll and the vehicle creeps forward. Oliver has one hand up against the glass and a look on his face like he's being carted off to prison. I don't want to see him like this. Going on his first tour is supposed to bring excitement, joy, and new experiences. Instead, it brings uncertainty and loneliness. I've got a sad, love-sick puppy staring at me. I'm the little girl who wants to run to his rescue, and then beg my mom to let me keep him._

_Oliver traces a heart on the window with his finger and points to me. All I have time for is a nod and slight smile, because the driver hits the acceleration. I see part of Oliver's hair flop as the force knocks him back in his seat. They take off down the street immediately. _

_In a flash, he's gone. I'm left alone just like that. I can't say Oliver disappeared in the blink of an eye. Even that comparison doesn't fit. It happened too fast. _

_There's an intense want to sprint down the street and chase after him. I can have the want, but I don't have the ability. My legs are asleep. They burn with a numbing sensation. I know that even if I could take off, I would wobble and give out after the first step. Falling to my knees on the ground and balling is just cliché and sign of extreme weakness. In my head, I can picture that moment. Physically, my body feels like that's what is happening right now. _

_I look out at the sky. The silhouette of the moon is fading away, while the orange sun rises in its place. This marks the start to a new day. Though something (or someone rather) is missing, the hot star still appears to light the Earth. I take this a sign of hope. Oliver and I have a relationship with a similar quality of the sun and moon. Even if one is gone to a different place, the other knows there will come a time to rise again. I can't see Oliver, but I know he's there. One day, we'll eclipses. We will reunite in a state of bliss. _

_For now, I just stand and stare..._

* * *

I turn my attention back to my phone. Maybe if I stare long enough, he'll call. That philosophy has worked a few times in the past, but I'm not having any luck tonight. Should I use reverse psychology? Tell myself he forgot so it'll be extra special when I _do _hear from him? That won't work. He would never break a promise. Don't even think about Oliver and I'll get a message? Is that even possible for me? For what it's worth, I'll give it a shot. I'm willing to try any and everything for him.

I stretch over to place my cell phone on the night stand. Three seconds pass by before my arm shoots out to grab it. This is how badly I am attached. My hand hovers above, but does not actually touch the phone. I make a fist then pull away. Fight it, Lilly.

I decide it's time for bed. Ever since Oliver has been gone, I've been sleeping at odd hours. If I don't have any planned activities, I'll spend the day in my room reading or listening to music in my PJs. I rarely go to the beach anymore and haven't touched my skateboard in months. What's the point in having fun when every single thing reminds me of a memory I shared with him?

I hate this feeling. We didn't break up, so why does it hurt like we did? Why do I act this way?

There's one thing I have to do before turning in tonight. I have to get something so that there's a chance I'll get some rest, even if that chance is slim. I carefully stand up and make my way across the room in my bare feet. What I need is lying across the back of my computer chair.

I pick up and slip on the hoodie Oliver left for me. Of course it's a little big and stretched out, but that's what it's supposed to be like. This use to smell just like him, too. I've worn every single night since he left, so sadly, it no longer does. There are even remnants of the stain from when he dropped a whole container of nachos on himself. (He had a million things to carry that day and was too stubborn to ask for help.) It's not that old, but looks as though it has been worn for years. It's Oliver's favorite and the closest thing I have to feeling like I'm being held in his arms. Sleeping in it is as good as it gets.

As I zip up my boyfriend's red hoodie, light catches the corner of my eye. I tilt my head curiously and take a few steps towards my window. The blinds are drawn, so I can see clearly. A siliver-ish full moon hangs low in the sky. As I gaze at the celestial body I can't help but wonder where my Ollie-pop is, what he's doing, and if he can see it, too.

**If you noticed, I left the lyrics out of this chapter. Since Oliver is the one singing, they will more than likely only appear in his chapters. Everything will tie together in the next update. Let me know what think. **

**-Marissa**


	3. Chapter 3

**I apologize for letting this story escape to the back burner of my mind. We have gotten so many amazing Loliver moments on the show lately that I was procrastinating on this chapter, because I was in such a good mood. This story has a rollercoaster of emotions, so it was hard to write tense moments when such adorkable ones were happening. Once again, I'm sorry. Here's a huge update in Oliver's POV to hopefully make up for it. **

***I suggest skimming over the last chapter before reading this, but it's not necessary.***

* * *

"_You are the moonlight of my life_._ Every night_._ Giving all my love to you_..."

I try to spot the moon out one of the venue's windows that are far off in the distance. Watching the moon and star gazing is something Lilly and I both enjoy. We're known for our late nights (and sometimes even early mornings) together. Tonight would be the perfect night to do so out on a blanket at the beach or cuddling close on my porch swing. When the moment becomes just right, I would whisper those very lyrics in my girlfriend's ear and kiss her cheek. How I aspire for nothing more than to live out that moment right now...

But I can't see anything. I can't feel anything. There is no one on the receiving end to accept the love I give as I stand here this very moment. No light, no Lilly.

If I want to keep it together in front of this crowd, however, my focus needs to be elsewhere. Chords need to be played. Lyrics need to be sung. As much as it kills me, I'm going to continue.

"_My beating heart belongs to you_. _I walked for miles till I found you_. _I'm here to honor you_..."

A pang of sadness washes over me as the memory of our last night together surfaces. Where I told her, when I told her, how I told her. There is one image that is haunting me the most: that bitter/sweet look my love's eyes...

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_I am silently driving home from band practice. This is the first time I do not have music blasting out of the speakers. Usually, I can be heard approaching several blocks away, but not tonight. Tonight is different. Believe it or not, I'm sick of power chords, bass riffs, and drum solos. I certainly don't want to listen to my own material. I have had quite enough of that for now._

_My weary eyes watch the road and only the road. I have a loose hold on the steering wheel and break the "ten and two" standard. Thankfully, no cars are around me, because I am disobeying the speed limit. I am not careless, but I'm not all that interested in being careful. One thing is for sure; she's all that's on my mind._

_I pull into my driveway with a sigh. Shutting the car off, I notice the house is dim. My father must be working late and my mother is in bed for the early shift down at the police station tomorrow. In all reality, I should have been home hours ago. We lost track of time, my band mates and I. Pretty soon, I'll be spending every waking moment with those guys instead of Lilly. I certainly didn't "sign up" for this... _

_I take the key out of the ignition. Various key chains dangle and clang. I step outside and attempt to shove the set of keys in my jean pocket. Something catches my eye. A picture of Lilly and I at the beach is hanging from a small, oval frame on the key ring. We're standing in our swim suits. Lilly is pressed against my bare chest, hugging me from the side; her priceless smile beams. Now is when I start to feel guilty. The original plan was to throw things together at home, take a shower, then catch some well needed and deserved rest, but I can't bring myself to do that. I have a secret. There's news that she needs to know. This will impact our lives in ways never imagined. Tomorrow is too late for my sake and her poor heart. _

_I look down at the picture in the keychain, close my hand around it, then at the brick house in front for me. Across the street, I see a faint, yellow glow coming from the first window upstairs. Lilly's home. Better yet; she's awake... _

_The walk from my driveway to her porch seems endless. A lone, flickering streetlight in the soft twilight hour guides the way. Sadly, I catch my feet dragging, but only slightly. It's not that I don't want to see her. In fact, I'm craving Lilly-pop right now. There is apple-scented, honey-colored hair that I'm begging to play with and soft, pink lips that I'm dying to have come in contact with my own. (Stop salivating at a day dream and focus, Oliver!) I've never felt so torn about how to tell Lilly something in my life. _

_I try to be quiet as I climb the Truscott's steps. Just because there's a single light lit doesn't mean Lilly's mother isn't home. I never have a problem with Ms. T, though. At this house, I'm always been treated like family. She tells me on numerous occasions that I am welcome to stop by at anytime. That I never need to ask to see Lilly or take her out places. Thankfully, I never misuse or abuse this privilege or give any reason to be doubted. For it is word of mouth and promises that I am depending on tonight._

_For a brief moment, I think about knocking, but realize that's not necessary. Instead, I search their hiding spot for the spare house key. Here I am so loved and trusted that Ms. Truscott wants to give me my own key, but I feel uncomfortable accepting one. The door unlocks and I enter the house, taking careful steps forward. Silence is rather eerie, but it lets me know Lilly does indeed have the house to herself tonight._

_I maneuver around the first floor and come to the steps. I carefully ascend the carpeted stairs. The creaking of the old wood underneath can be heard no matter how cautious my movements are. Half way there, I can see light streaking across the floor. When I reach the top, I notice Lilly's door is ajar. I don't know if this means she is awake or not. She probably fell asleep while reading again._

_I stand off to the side and begin to weigh my options. There are only two: tell Lilly now or later. Who knows what kind of a state either of us will be in tomorrow morning. Keeping this news from her does not cross my mind. She's Lilly-pop; my one and only. The love of my life. I'm not about to break her heart. _

_I don't intend to break her heart..._

_Very slowly, I poke my head inside the door way. Lilly is lying on her bed in her PJ bottoms (the ones with the puppy dogs on them) and tank top. She has her eyes closed and a smile curls at her lips. Her iPod is resting on her stomach; earphones still in place. The volume is low, but I hear music mix with sound of her faint breathing. I recognize the melody and laugh quietly to myself. Lilly's listening to Coldplay, Yellow to be specific._

_I debate about waking her. My little girl seems so peaceful resting like this. I call Lilly "little" because she has not out grown her innocence face. To look at her right now sends flashes of sweet childhood memories. No matter how old we grow together, she will always be the adorable, yet spunky girl I shared my crayons with. The girl who stole my heart. _

_I shake the suggestion from my head. Taking a breath, I place one hand on the bedroom door. Glowing light from the lamp on her night stand hits me straight in the eye. It is not terribly bright, but I hold a hand to my face for a few second just so I can adjust. I tip toe to Lilly's bedside and kneel down beside her. The lyrics of the song are about to start. I sing along softly._

_"__Look at the stars.  
Look how they shine for you.  
Everything you do.  
Yeah, they were all yellow._

_I came along.  
I wrote a song for you.  
And all the things you do.  
And it was called "Yellow"..."_

_Eyelids twitch. Lilly takes her time opening her blue gems. I'm greeted by their sparkle when they do. I give her my trade mark dork smile in return. She is not shocked to see me whatsoever. _

_"Wow." She breathes. "Chris Martin is a better singer than I thought."_

_I blush at her teasing compliment. "Better than Thom Yorke?"_

_"No way." Lilly replies sleepily. I respond with a fake sigh and lower my head. She has won the great debate yet again. I hear her giggle between a yawn. I lean over and kiss her lips, taking my good old time before ending._

_"Sorry I woke you up." I apologize, returning to my previous position._

_"I wasn't sleeping." She defends. "I was just thinking about you." _

_"Must have been if you were listening to my playlist." I reach over pick up the iPod. Scrolling through, a massive list of songs is revealed; every one of which has a special meaning. I can place a memory with each title. These are songs I picked myself, but Lilly had some influence as well. One or two Radiohead songs actually appear._

_"I've had it on all day, cause I missed you like crazy, Oliver." She tells me._

_"You don't have to worry 'bout that anymore." I stop Yellow and switch off the device. Lilly removes her earphones, wraps them around the iPod, and places it on her nightstand. I get up off my knees and take a seat beside her on the edge of the bed. My hand rubs her arm. "Your Ollie-pop is right here."_

_"And he is all mine tonight!" Lilly's arms wrap around my stomach and pull on me. I fall backwards and plop onto her big, green pillow. I turn my head and see that playful look building up in her eyes._

_"I am yours forever." I say it as though I am surrendering all of my rights to her. Lilly snuggles against me and kisses my muscle-growing arm. My head rests against hers, nuzzling slightly. Take it all in, Oliver. Who knows when this moment will repeat itself._

_"Are you here for a sleepover?" She asks, poking my stomach. "If so, you're gonna need to lose this lovely shirt you got here." Her hands tug at the fabric._

_Just as I start to enjoy this scene and lose myself in my imagination of Lilly's offer, the matter at hand flashes in my head. _

_"I wish I was." I sigh, playing with a few strands of her hair. "But I came to talk." _

_"I'm listening." Lilly replies. I notice her eye lids close themselves once more._

_"You gonna fall asleep on me, aren't you?" I ask my rhetorical question._

_"No..." She trails. The look on my girlfriend face is clearly reads she is tired. Adorable as always, but tired._

_"Lilly-pop," I say, scolding her like a child. "I really need to talk to you about something."_

_Lilly can hear how serious I sound. Her eyes open in a flash of worry. "Is something wrong?"_

_I'm not sure how to respond to such a vague question. In a way, yes; something is wrong. However, if looked at in another light, something is just perfect. Two sides. One fact. Zero ways around this awkward moment._

_"Ollie-pop, I'm serious." Lilly sits up in her bed, propping herself up with her hands. "If something's wrong, you need to tell me."_

_"I just..." Words won't flow yet, at least not the right ones. I answer back with the only thing I am feeling. "I'll miss you."_

_"What do you mean you'll miss me? I'm not going anywhere." She assures me._

_"I know you're not..." _

_"Then what is on your mind, Oliver?" Lilly is confused and getting a little angry. She never likes it when I beat around the bush with her. _

_"You know where I was today?" I ask, looking down at her._

_"Seeing how I didn't hear from you at all until just now..." I sense some minor hostility. "Band practice?"_

_I nod. "I spend a lot of time there, don't I?"_

_"Yeah, but I understand. Really, I do." Lilly says. _

_"I hope you do..." I talk out loud to myself._

_"You told me you'd be trying to get some gigs this summer." Lilly folds her legs in and sits instead style on the bed. "How's that coming?"_

_"Great." I'm drawing circles on the sheet with my finger; not paying any attention. "Just...great..."_

_"Is that sarcasm?" She asks with concern._

_"It's great." I mutter, still mindlessly playing with the bed covering. I guess I am hoping this whole incident will magically disappear._

_Lilly reaches out and covers my hand to stop me. Finally, I can put the focus back where it belongs. "Did you miss your chance? Is that what's bugging you?"_

_I turn away, giving her the wrong impression. Now she thinks I'm a failure. Lilly believes I'm here to for consoling when just the opposite is about to occur. I'm trying to the good boyfriend and ease her into this, but I'm tricking her instead._

_"Oh Ollie-pop." I feel her soft hands give mine a gentle squeeze. "It's ok, honey. You'll get that break soon." My mouth opens, but no explanation is there. _

_"You're an amazing singer, Oliver." Lilly praises. "Music is your passion and everyone knows it. You work harder than anyone else I know at trying to reach your goals. Don't let this little bump in the road get you down."_

_"Lilly..." I say, nervously. Why won't she quit while she's ahead? She doesn't know the consequences. _

_"You'll get there someday. I promise." The mattress sinks as Lilly moves closer to me. "You're my rockstar." She says, running her hand through my bangs. _

_An incredible pang of guilt hangs over me. I can't let her do these things. I can't let her say such sweet, comforting words. I most certainly cannot feed Lilly a lie. Something needs to happen. Speak up, Oliver! _

_"But Lilly-"_

_"And I'll be by your side every step of the way!"_

_Warm lips touch my cheek. I take in a shaky breath at the contact. Lilly pulls away and I find a small bit of courage._

_"Oh, I got gigs..." I tell her with an underlining sigh. _

_"Aww, I knew you would!" My girlfriend throws her loving arms around me._

_"Tons of them." I continue in the same tone. "I'm booked for the next six months..."_

_"Really!?" Lilly 'eeps' and squeezes me so hard I could pop like a balloon. I do my best to smile through physical pressure. Right now, it's a whole lot easier to fake than this emotional wave I have been stifling. _

_She pulls back for a second, then plants a big kiss fully on my mouth. Unintentionally, I deepen it, letting a moan escape. Her actions were just so sudden, and I am so needy right now. Insecurity does this to a person. I just can't help it._

_"We need to celebrate." She adds, mumbling against my lips. We are still hungry for each other, though I keep telling myself to stop the situation. I can't string Lilly along like this. There is more to the story; a catch I haven't finished explaining yet. _

_But fire rages through me, and I nod in reply. Goodbye innocence; I am no longer in charge..._

_Hands are everywhere during this session. Mine are generally satisfied with running through her hair, but I feel Lilly's creep up my shirt. They slide up flat against my chest. Before I know it, I feel cool breeze from her open window on my bare back. She lets them explore, yet stops to feel my wild heart beat pounding fiercely against my rib cage. I can't tell if my strength gives out or I am pushed, but somehow I end up pined on my back. _

_Lilly grins down at me lustfully. My breathing hitches. Not only am I nervous and scared, but I'm also hot and bothered. Regardless of my condition, I need to say something...but I can't. _

_Lilly slowly traces a straight line on my upper body. Starting from just above the waistline of my jeans, her finger travels all the way up my neck. She crawls closer to me and rests on my lap. Never in a million years did I think would ever disapprove of what's happening. Tonight, however, I know it's wrong. This is not the time for such actions, no matter how bad I want it to be._

_I swallow hard at the lump in my throat as sweat accumulates on my forehead. A soft hand takes my chin. It is now that I see the loving Lilly-pop return. She no longer wants to ravish me (she may still want to, but temporarily stops anyway.) Instead, I see a normal smile._

_"My Ollie-pop's gonna be a local legend." She announces sweetly._

_"L-Local?" I stutter. Lilly has done it now it. She hit the nerve. I'm about to give her heart a nasty wound. _

_"You gotta start somewhere." Lilly replies. "These dates around Malibu will definitely get you noticed."_

_"I've been noticed, Lilly." I spit back an answer. "A ton of people already want me."_

_"Excuse me, Mr. Ginormous Ego." She sashes and quickly removes her hand form my face in disgust. "You don't have to be cocky about it."_

_"I didn't mean for it come across that way." I plea. The last thing I want and need is to start a fight. _

_"I know, Ollie-pop." By her voice, I can tell Lilly doesn't want a fight either. She just feels frustrated with me. "It's just that you're acting like you've got some huge tour cross country or something... "_

_Hello, wound. Meet a billion grains of salt._

_"Lilly..." _

_"Not that you're not good enough to have a tour! Because you most certainly are, Oliver!"_

_Now she is blushing at her 'nice save.' Her eyes dart around the room nervously._

_"Lilly-pop, I-"_

_"I can't wait for the day you do, though! You'll get a big old bus to ride around in, you'll see the world, play shows for massive crowds almost every night..."_

_"Lil-"_

_"And I'll get to go and make all these new memories with y-!"_

_"Stop!" I command so loud my throat burns. Normally, I like to let Lilly interrupt, but I have so much pent up stress inside me that I explode. "Just stop it, ok!?"_

_Her eyes widen as Lilly jolts back in fear. I've never snapped at her like that in my life before. So quick, so loud. A part of me wants to scream the truth. Doing so would have bitter consequences. Every second I waste debating the right method is a second I could have been with Lilly. Another warm embrace. Another exchange of 'I love you's.' Another kiss to share. A moment of pure love is gone forever. _

_The only thing I take note of to change is my tone. It is calm as humanly possible at the moment. Inside and out, my whole body is still shaky. Just like Lilly, I am a mixed bag of emotion. I have a deep feeling I will regret this, but there's no other way to break the news. I must man up and man up now:_

_"I did get a tour, Lilly-pop. I'll be playing all over the US during the next six months." _

_"H-How?" She stares at me blankly. My girl's eyes aren't full of hurt or sadness yet._

_"Remember that EP I had my guitarist send out to a buddy of his in LA?" Lilly nods. "Well he gave it a listen and loved it."_

_"That's great, honey." She smiles._

_"Apparently, he sent someone to watch the show we had down at that beach party the other night; like a talent scout or something." I continue. "He found out we were having rehearsal today and stopped by with this amazing tour offer."_

_"I can't believe it." Lilly says in awe. "He must really think you guys are awesome if he set things up that quick."_

_"He sees great potential in me and the whole band for that matter." I give a half smile. The worst part is yet to come. She's going to ask that question I don't want to answer. _

_"When?" _

_I pretend I don't understand when I really just want to buy some time. "When what?" _

_Lilly shifts from my lap to lie down on my stomach. She hovers just above my head and looks down at me with ocean-blue eyes and school girl innocence. "When do we leave?"_

_Automatically, my eyes shut. If I let my precious Lilly-pop look at me anymore, I will melt into a puddle. (Call me a wuss, but that's the power she has over me. That is love.) _

_"We aren't going anywhere..."_

_"What?" Her face scrunches._

_I take a breath in and exhale very slowly. "I'm leaving...you're staying..."_

_"Wait, I don't get to go with you!?" Lilly sounds more shocked than angry. "Why not?"_

_"It's too sudden." I give a lousy excuse._

_I feel hands grab the sides of my face. Her long, blonde hair tickles. My eye crack open slightly as she touches our foreheads together. She just wants to be close as possible. Now I see some concern. Now I see some fear. Above all, I feel her love._

_"When do you leave?" She whispers a little shaky. _

_My arms encircle Lilly and hold her in that position. I make the mistake of opening my eyes the rest of the way for the hardest thing I have to tell her. The word I hate more than any other: "Tomorrow..."_

_Both our hearts skip a beat at the same time. For a brief moment, Lilly and I had basically died together. It doesn't take long to set in with her. I compare it to throwing an ice cube on a salt-covered cut. Shock and hurt balance each other out, but only for a moment. Then, it's solely pain until the ice melts. Until things return to normal, or the way they should be (whatever is easier to obtain. There isn't anything "normal" about Lilly and I.) _

_"Tomorrow?" Lilly peals away from me cautiously and sits back on her legs. The heat from her body vanishes with her. I'm feeling cold everywhere, not just in my heart. "You're leaving tomorrow!?"_

_"Sunrise." I mutter depressed. I've already done major damage. There is no use for sugar-coating the details. _

_"I can't believe this..." She buries her head in her hands briefly, then returns broken hearted, spirited, and souled. "Tomorrow!?"_

_"I'll be finishing out the last few months of school on the road." I explain. "I talked it over with all my teachers and the principal. They're giving me tons of book work so I can pass."_

_Nothing about Lilly's look as change. She is still hurt, still seconds away from bursting._

_"I'll be back late August." I add. "Maybe first week of September at the latest."_

_I wait for a comment but don't receive one. I watch for an impulse action but am left high and dry._

_Very carefully, I sit up in bed and slide my feet out from under Lilly. She mindlessly moves help free my legs. I swing them over the bed. Reaching down to the floor, I grab my shirt that Lilly flung off my and swing it over my shoulder. Slowly, I turn to face her._

_"I'm sorry, Lilly." I whisper. Our eyes shine with tears as we exchange a glance. "I'm so sorry..."_

_We can only give empty stares for so long. When I look away, I feel movement on the bed. Lilly makes her way over to me on her knees. Once again, she somehow manages to pry my shirt from my hand and discard it someplace else. Though it's a tense moment, I cannot help but smirk silently. (Ever since I began working out, Lilly has made it clear that it's a crime for me to hide such muscles under a shirt. I knew the whole Greek God thing would catch on sooner or later.) Arms circle me from behind. She buries her head in my shoulder and sighs deeply._

_"Why is this happening to us?" A few warm drops hit my cool skin. She is not about to wail. (Lilly sure has the pipes for that.) This is not a typical break down. It's more of a silence cry. "Can't I just go with you? Please, Ollie-pop."_

_I take my hands and rub her arms. It's my only offer of condolence I can give at the moment. She gets gooesbumps from my touch. "You should stay here and finish the school year. You should be focusing in getting good grades, apply for colleges, and finding a job. Start planning for a better future." _

_Lilly pops her head up and stiffens like a board. "A future without you!?" She asks, frightened. _

_"No." My head spins around and I am quick to destroy her worry. She lets go of me so I can adjust my position on the bed. "I just want you to be secure. One of us has have money to pay the bills and feed little Ollie incase of a bad record sales and stuff."_

_"Little Ollie?" She sniffs. Tears dry up from Lilly's eyes. Do I see a sparkle in them? There's even a tiny curl of her lips. We're only seventeen, yes, it's true. Should we be thinking that far ahead, I don't know. With Lilly, it's hard not to do so. Call me young and naive, but she knows where my head is. She knows that's where my heart wants to be. That's where both of us want to be someday. _

_"Well...yeah." My face flushes pink, and I scratch my head nervously. "Unless you have a different name in mind..." _

_"Hold me?" She asks softly, as if she's worried I will say no. I would never deny her my loving arms. _

_I reach out and pull Lilly on my lap. Her back presses against my chest. Lilly feels tense, so I give her a loving squeeze and she relaxes a little. _

_"I only have passion for two things in this world; music and you."_

_I lean my head down and lightly kiss her neck, taking the time to inhale her sweet scent. "Not in that order, of course." I explain. You held my hand way before I ever picked up a guitar or mic. Even if you claim it was just for the crayons."_

_My girlfriend smiles up at me, then captures my lips. We have a soft, sensual kiss. I really take the time savor the feeling. I am not one to throw the word "love" around haphazardly. When I say I love this woman, I really do. Every ounce, every fiber. Together, the two of us are the definition of the word._

_"How long can you stay?" Lilly asks after what seems like an eternity._

_Out the corner of my eye, I can see Lilly's alarm clock. The night is growing later and later at much too fast of a rate. _

_"I'm late as it is." I reply. "I still have to pack and do some other things."_

_"Please stay." Her eyes echo the plea._

_"You need sleep, Lilly babe." I remind her._

_"How am I supposed to sleep with the thought of you leaving on my mind?" _

_I know exactly what Lilly is doing. She is throwing on the charm and guilt-tripping me. If this was any other day, I'd kiss her cheek and somehow magically force her to bed. This isn't an ordinary day, however. I won't be around to make it up to her by buying her a big cup of her favorite frozen yogurt and letting her school me in skateboarding tricks. I don't have the time to let her seek revenge in her silly little ways. This is my last night with Lilly for six whole months._

_I send a dorky smile with my answer. "Lets make this last forever..."_

_Gently, I lean back in bed with Lilly still in my arms. On the way down, I reach over to her nightstand and switch off the light. Lilly rolls on her side and I scoot up right behind her. She's warm and safe as I hold her snuggly around her stomach and waist. I press my head against her back and nuzzle as Lilly lets out a content sigh. In no time at all, I should have my sleeping beauty. To help coax her out, I hatch a plan in my brain. I think of how am I feeling and revive the song from earlier._

_"Look at the stars  
Look how they shine for you.  
Everything you do.  
Yeah, they were all yellow._

_I came along,  
I wrote a song for you,  
And all the things you do,  
And it was called "Yellow."_

_So then I took my turn,  
Oh what a thing to have done,  
And it was all "Yellow."_

_"Your skin," I caress Lilly's smooth arms and hands, playing with each of her fingers as I continue singing. "Oh yeah, your skin and bones. Turn into something beautiful."_

_Removing one of my hands, I tuck a part of Lilly's hair behind her ear. I lean in close, debating whether or not to kiss her cheek. She could wake up, and then I would need a new plan. Doubt lasts for only a split second. I kiss her warm skin and whisper our favorite line._

_"You know, you know I love you so..."_

_Just then, I feel Lilly's breathing regulate. The faintest snore escapes her nose. I can't help but chuckle. Oh that girl of mine. She is just too cute that I don't want to leave her yet._

_I adjust myself carefully and continue to cuddle with my sweetheart. I wonder if she is dreaming and of what. Whatever it is, I hope it's pleasant. No nightmares tonight, my love. Nothing bad can happen when I am here. My arms act as her personal dream catcher. She feels the safest with me._

_If I'm not careful, I will drift off to dreamland myself. Believe me, I want nothing more. I want Lilly to wake up in my arms, roll over, and give me a good morning poke in the stomach like she has done on so many occasions. She'll flash the most adorable look until I poke back. Then, it's an all out war as we playfully attack each other so much that we misjudge the size of her bed and fall to floor in a thud. Memories..._

_Ironically, I do end up falling asleep (only reaching stage one where I'm not completely out of it.) I seem to float back in forth from real time to unconscious thoughts. When I snap back to reality, I discover it is midnight._

_The blue numbers on the alarm clock are taunting me. Their glow seems extra bright this evening, almost obnoxious. It is as if they are laughing in my face. They know every second of this night is precious to Lilly and I. Evil little suckers. Why must I be facing the same direction with a constant remind of how I should be home right now? Stupid clock. I know I'm not where I should be...but this is where I want to be. This is where I need to be..._

_Unfortunately, I really do have to leave in case my parents have finally realized I'm MIA. Ever so carefully, I release Lilly from my hold. Though she is so far gone in her sleep cycle, I'm positive she can tell she's on her own. Her sense of touch is so keen. Plus, she claims to have "Oliver senses." I just like the fact that I can send shivers down her spine. _

_I do my best not to make any sudden moment as I roll over and sit up in bed. Feeling guilty, I stretch to the end of the bed, pick up the sheet that was folded down, and cover Lilly up to her midsection. Sweet dreams, angel. My feet then touch the floor, and I place my hands on my knees to help myself stand. Searching the ground, I discover my shirt is lying clear across the room. Nice distance, Lilly-pop. I take small, quiet steps over to retrieve it. After getting my big head of shaggy hair through, I have to stop. Lilly makes some sort of sound unconsciously. It's as if she knows what I'm doing and doesn't approve. I take the shirt back off and laugh silently._

_The thought of leaving it here with her also crosses my mind. I wonder if she would keep it as a reminder of me. Knowing Lilly, it'll end up in the garbage as she continues this phase of constantly wanting a bare-chested boyfriend. For now, I decide to just take it home and fling it over my shoulder. When I do so, I catch a whiff Lilly's perfume and her natural scent. Perhaps I should bring it with me on tour and wear when I'm on stage. That way, she is always close to my heart._

_Silently and slowly, I make my way towards the door. I stop at the edge of the door way, propping myself up against the side of the door frame with one hand. Though the bedroom is pitch black, light from outside illuminates her face; accenting all the right attributes that make Lilly one beautiful girl. The look she sends me now is a mixed one. Although temporarily at peace, I have never seen her so uncertain. She's lost; thinking "what do I do now? How will I get through this?" Is the half smile she gives me a fake? Does she want me to have the impression that the situation I sprung on her isn't as big of a deal anymore? No. Lilly is pure and true. Sweet and sensitive. Timid and tender. She loves me and supports me. _

_Yet here I stand, watching the sheet rise and fall with her every breath, knowing I about to leave her; the only reason I wake up each morning. Am I getting second thoughts? Will she change her mind tomorrow?_

_The longer I stand here, the worse I feel. As is, I am choking back a tear. I sigh deeply after a few moments and take one final gaze at Lilly. Fighting my dry, scratchy throat, I say all that there is left to say:_

_"You know I love you so..."_

* * *

I become so caught up in a day dream that my finger slips to a wrong key. I can feel the stares of a hundred pairs of eyes on me. Even if the crowd didn't catch the minor mistake, I am who they came to see. They aren't thinking about anything else, unlike me. Mentally, this isn't happening right now. Since I am here physically, however, I should do my job. What I'd give to just fade away from all of this! Lilly needs to know that. She needs to know I am ok. She should know these lyrics are true:

"_If I lose everything in the fire, I'm sending all my love to you..."_

* * *

**The reason this memory seems long and drawn out is because I couldn't decide on how I wanted Oliver to break the news. There's a little bit of everything; a nice mix, I thought. I didn't intend for Coldplay to have such a big presence in chapter, but "Yellow" is just perfect for them. The next chapter giving me some difficulties, but I'm not throwing in the towel. Updates will continue, despite my crazy college schedule. Please let me know what you think. I love your comments.**

**-Marissa**


	4. Chapter 4

**This story has become quite a project to write. Each of these last few chapters has been about twelve pages long. Needless to say, I like to throw in some details and write more than I should. Chapter 4 is bitter/sweet and in Lilly's POV. There's a phone conversation in here with some background voices, which I put in bold so it's easier to follow who is speaking. (Phone convos are hard without a visual of what the other person is doing!) I ask that you keep the big picture in mind when you read.**

**Also, (and I hate to say this) Judge Me Tender is actually helping me push to finish this soon than I imagined. We're all scared, I know, but remember: we'll always have WIDLAY, OTTTA, and all the epic episodes. We have our minds and imaginations, too, corrupted or not. (Plus, go read Camy's version. It'll help immensely.)**

* * *

Is it too much to ask to get a decent night's rest? Apparently it is tonight. Even though I'm wearing Oliver's hoodie, I am left helplessly lying wide awake. It's just not the same. I can't trick myself anymore. My body knows I am alone. Those Oliver senses I have can feel the difference. They know it has been way too long since the real thing was here, and my heart tragically agrees.

I'm antsy; I can't lie still. Every few minutes, I feel the need to change positions. If I'm on my back, I think of Oliver and I lying on the beach, looking at the stars. There's a vacant spot to my right, reminding me someone's missing. A picture of my love singing (the very reason he isn't physically with me at the moment) taunts me on the left. No matter which way I lay or how many times I toss and turn the problem remains: My Ollie-pop isn't here. He can't be here and he won't be back any time soon.

Eyes shut and he appears; an image just begging to raid my dreams.

It starts out different each time. We are at the beach or the skate park. The movies or the mall. We could be any place in the world. As long as Oliver's with me, neither location nor what we do matters. He takes my hand, looks me square in the eye and says: "_You know you'll always have me, right?_" I look up at him with a serious face and reply: _"You'll never leave me?" "I won't..." _He hugs me tight for reassurance. _"I won't, I won't..."_

He's wrong. Painfully wrong. Physically, Oliver left me. In that sense, he did, and I can't stand it. This feeling of empty can't vanish on its own. If Oliver isn't going do anything about it, _I will_!

My arm stretches over for my cell phone. _I'm_ going to call_ him_. There isn't anything that can change my mind. I feel my hand along the surface of my nightstand and search blindly. Irritation quickly sets in when I can't seem to find what I want. I do, however, come across _something_, which I hear accidently fall off the nightstand during my raid. Groaning in frustration, I roll over and reach down to retrieve it from the ground.

As soon as it comes in contact with me, I freeze. It's sleek and cool to the touch. Thumbing over the top, I feel the different textures. At first, it's smooth, but I then feel rough, little indents. Must be a piece of my jewelry. A ring? No, it can't be. I keep all of those in a small, wooden box my mother gave me. Plus, I would never leave something of value lying around where this very situation could happen.

I scoop it up curious. The mystery solves itself once the tiniest bit of moonlight peaks past my curtains. It is a ring, alright, but it's not mine. There is an engraving on the inside that I read silently. It's my boyfriend's name. What I'm holding in the palm of my hand belongs to him.

Then, I turn my focus to the front. My finger twitches as I trace what appears just under the deep-blue gem stone.

"_2011_"

This is Oliver's class ring...

I bite my lower lip and tell myself to keep it together. Don't let eyes water, Lilly. Having Oliver's ring is supposed to help make things a little easier, but it doesn't. Instead, this stupid trinket symbolizes my greatest fear that became a reality today when I started senior year donut-less.... How I wanted to let him know just how broken it made me feel...

* * *

_I am standing outside the lobby doors of my high school. I can't begin to fathom how many times I have ran in and out of these doors and rooms and up and down halls and stairwells of this old building during the past three years. I only bother to remember the times when I had someone with me; when Oliver's with me. Not today. I am dreading to go inside._

_It is as if I trigger an alarm as soon as I enter. Silence; everyone stops. The ones who know who I am stare at me; shocked that I even bothered to show. My summer days were a complete and total waste. No one has seen me since we were all in this exact location one year ago. I think people expected me to stay "missing" like I have been. Well Lillian Truscott is here; so sorry to disappoint everyone. A hollow shell of her is, at least... _

_Eventually, I make it to homeroom and grab my schedule. First thing's first; how many mistakes did they make this year? Oddly enough, I see that every class I chose is on the list. Principal Weebie and the airhead secretaries finally get things right my last year. I don't want to jinx anything, however. After all, I can't compare schedules with Oliver._

_I decide I better go find my locker. Who knows where it is. By the looks of it, all the seniors have their lockers in alphabetical order near their homerooms. Hmm, Truscott and Oken. T is four letters away from O. Even Oliver's locker is nowhere near me right now. _

_To make matters worse, I have to fiddle with the stupid combination lock. Oliver says he'll teach me his secret, but he never does. Now I just stand here looking like an idiot as I make a pathetic attempt to open it. Locker Doctor? Paging Locker Doctor. Come to my rescue, oh skilled and handsome one! No one answers my plea. Looks like I'm doing things the old-fashion way. Of course, I get weird glances from those who stop to watch. Amber and Ashley are among the gathers._

_"Wow. A senior that can't opener her locker. " Ashley teases._

_"Too bad her little whipping boy isn't around." Amber adds, walking close by me on purpose just to say that. Whipping boy...what a jerk. I block all comments (though it takes a lot out of me to do so) and concentrate on the task at hand. _

_Homeroom isn't exciting. I'm stuck with the same group of kids again. I don't associate them, they don't with me. It's a fair trade. When it's time for the school day to officially start, I feel a nervous knot in my stomach. Usually, I would be a little anxious to head off, but I am only feeling sick. Don't get the wrong impression, Lilly. He's not going to magically appear wanting to hold hands, give a hug, or sneak us off to a janitor's closet._

_The halls are crowded with students from every grade. Freshmen stare blankly at their maps of the school as they try to navigate to the right rooms. Sophomores think they are so cool just because they survived a hundred and eighty days in this hostile environment. Juniors don't have any gripe, because they are only in the middle. This year's seniors at Seaview are a mix of rowdy, "fresh-meat"-harassing jocks and those who already have a graduation countdown. As for me, nothing matters. I feel as though this place is a ghost town when really only one person is missing. The one person who is my everything..._

_History is first; something I have plenty of with Oliver. Sitting by the window, I begin to day dream of moments in the past. I see us at four, sharing those crayons, at ten doing skateboard tricks, and at fifteen throwing popcorn at each other in the movie theater. There's a glimmer of hope when I hear Mr. Corelli announce that Oliver will be in this class when he returns. Then, the bitter/sweet bombshell arrives. Our last beach-blanket make out session comes to mind, and suddenly, I'm flooded with an empty feeling. A smile begs to form to mask things, but the harsh reality of the present won't let it. Mr. Corelli mumbles something about getting books tomorrow and lets the class talk for the last few minutes. I use the time to stare out the window and hope that mine and Oliver's history will indeed repeat itself._

_The next few classes put me to sleep. That can't ease my heart ache, though. I already know Oliver isn't on the roster. We both take different languages. I find AP Spanish easy. Oliver hated the class since junior high. Whenever I would say a word or phrase to him, his reply would always be the same: "No Comprendo." Now my Ollie-pop takes French. Everyone says it's the language of love, and there's an abundance of that between us. I think he takes it only because he remembers my embarrassing school girl crush on our French teacher in seventh grade. It's sweet to be serenaded in a foreign language. Plus, with a dork like I have, it is incredibly entertaining as well._

_Oliver and I don't even have science together this year. I have to say, I'm not surprised. This is Kunkle's doing. She must have passed along how we behave in class. We love to study each other's biology and have the perfect chemistry to do so (What can I say? Lab partners take on a whole new meaning with us.) Between all this fooling around, we do study and get our work done. I miss Oliver in Physics. I miss Oliver physically. Forget Newton's laws; is there a force I can exhort that can bring my donut home?_

_Dragging myself all the way down stairs to the gymnasium is a difficult task. As usual, my classmates are stuck-up preps. I sense another year of being the only one participating. Unlike most girls, I love the various activities. Co-ed Fridays are the absolute best, because boys will actually do something and not stand there like a deer in headlights. Oliver and I shoot hoops sometimes or toss around the old pigskin. We find capture the flag fun, but it is band as a co-ed active, which I guess is all my fault. Once, I accidently (and I do mean accidently) pulled Oliver's shorts down when reaching for his flag. (On plus side, he did have on my favorite boxers; the one with the Kool Aid Man...."Oh yeah!") The part I love the most is being able to see him in a non-classroom environment. Here we can talk, laugh, and sneak a kiss or two in without any major consequences. There is no telling if any of these things will happen just yet. Currently, I have the strongest urge to pelt some innocent and unsuspecting girl square in the gut with a dodgeball. Even that isn't enough to substitute or justify what I'm feeling. _

_Drama. I have way too much of it on my plate. Had I known my boyfriend would have become an over night musical sensation, I wouldn't have penciled in for this elective. Why am I taking the class again? Oh, that's right, there isn't any other option. Drawing is boring, so that gets rid of Art. Band isn't a choice, because I don't know how to play an instrument. Oliver begs me every year not to take Chorus. He says they don't really teach people how to sing and that I should just let him help with my lack of ability. His methods of instruction seem much more affective, thanks to a little old psych trick called "the reward system."(Lets just say I've been practicing a lot because of it.) I snap out of a day dream when the teacher asks out of nowhere if I have any valuable drama skills. Eyes fill with gloom as I look up at her and reply: "I could burst into tear for you right now..."_

_The cafeteria is crowded and noisy. Standing in line for meatloaf made from who knows what and cold, rubbery pizza doesn't interest me. My stomach still grumbles, so I take some change out of my pocket and buy a candy bar from the vending machine. (Real healthy lunch, Lilly. Fill up on sugar and chocolate. What would Oliver say?) After two bites, I discard the rest in the trash._

_Mine and Oliver's favorite table in the corner is still vacant and unclaimed. Letting my bookbag straps slide off my shoulders, I plop down in the seat, laying my arms folded on the table. I put my forehead face down and stare at the ugly gray granite. A sigh escapes; I feel so sick and lightheaded. Periodically, one of the teachers on duty taps me on the shoulder and either asks me to sit up or if I'm "alright." Even dumb old Todd (who constantly questions me for Oliver's whereabouts since he has the memory of a goldfish) wonders why I am not my usual self. Of course, I lie to all of them and say everything's fine. The truth is no one here to feed chips to and get fed back. No one is secretly holding my hand under the table. _

_I find myself doing the same activity during study hall. As a rule, no one is allowed to talk or sleep; however since it is the first day, not much is enforced. Truth be told, I'm not that big of a rule breaker, but study hall is good for something other than finishing pesky homework: roaming around on the hall pass. Oliver has this skill down to a science. He always knows when to ask for the pass, a place to meet up, and how to trouble shoot. Believe me, this is the sweetest part of our day. Since it is right after lunch this year, hopefully Oliver and I can quickly pick things up right where we leave them. Today, I seriously do find myself almost drifting to that point mentally. Surprisingly, it only makes matters worse. _

_English is where I find temporary relief. The teacher has a seating chart made and starts assigning. There is an empty desk in the row beside me, which I am informed belongs to Oliver. We both tend to get some of our best grades in this subject. Since he writes songs and poems with ease, Oliver can instantly deal with a research paper or character analysis. Books are being passed out that are small and light-weight, yet have print no bigger than size ten font. Flipping through the thin pages very cautiously, I discover some of its contents, all of which I guarantee Oliver finds boring. The Iliad and the Odyssey. Macbeth and Hamlet. It is all a snooze fest. I foresee Oliver "forgetting" his book or "leaving it at home" and having to push his desk over to share mine, just to get close. I half read, half let my mind wonder for the rest of the period._

_After weighing out the pros and cons, I actually leave class with a smile on my face. Maybe going to school a few weeks without Oliver won't be so bad after all. I don't like the reality of the situation one bit, but I'm surviving. I am ready to rush home so I can call my Ollie-pop, but I can help but feel like I'm forgetting something... _

_As I am subconsciously making my way towards the main exit, it hits me: The day's not over yet. I still have one class left. It's the worst subject in the world: Math._

_I come to my senses and dash up the stairs. Panting out of breath, I arrive at the classroom and prop my arm on the door way for support. Being late on the first day shouldn't count against me, right? Wrong. Every single student turns around, their chairs making a horrible creaking sound that goes through me like needles. Even the teacher, who I do not know, sends an impatient glare from under her glasses. She simply points to the only empty seat in the back corner. I swallow loudly and slowly take my walk of shame; holes are being burnt in the back of my head from all those eyes. _

_Math always makes me like a failure, where as it comes natural to Oliver. He's in Calculus. I'm lucky enough I made it to Algebra III. For being the daughter of an accountant, one would think I would excel, but that's not the case. When it all boils down, I'm a lame duck in this class; a fish out of water. I need my tutor to return from this little vacation of his and just come home where he belongs!_

_The period gets worse and worse as the seconds keep ticking. The teacher writes some problems on the board (ones that she deems are "easy" and are "just to see how much we know.") She might as well be teaching Chinese. I can't fully comprehend what's on the board. (Not having numbers as a friend is bad enough. Why do people have to go along and pair letters with them?!) _

_One by one, each kid is called up to solve a line of an equation. I pray this lady has short term memory loss and doesn't remember I'm here. _

_"Late girl." Her voice is commanding. So much for being invisible. "Start equation three."_

_Here I go again. The walk to the front of the room feels like a mile. I find a small piece of white chalk and cautiously pick it up from the ledge. My heart starts to race as I look up at the mixture of symbols written. What do I do? I haven't the slightest idea where to start. This problem doesn't look like anything I have ever seen or done in previous years. Suddenly, the temperature in the room skyrockets. I'm sweating and turn beat red. _

_"Lillian?" So the old bat does know my name. She just chose to offend me the first time. I turn around just enough so she can see me. "Sometime today, please. We're waiting." _

_I don't respond; just bring my attention back to the board. I can't stand here like a statue. That is only going make this worse. Oliver would want me to at least try, so that is what I do. With squeaky chalk in hand, I carefully write down what I think step one is. As I go, I hear whispers from my classmates. They think I'm wrong and I know am I. None of these people know how hard this is for me, though. No one knows the added stress this causes. I place the writing utensil down and turn all the way around to face the class, signaling I am finished and ready for humiliation to commence._

_"I'm afraid that's not right." The teacher tells me. She takes a second look at the problem. "That's not even close."_

_I hear giggling and bite my lip. Whatever happens, I can't cry in class. I just can't. Ignore the burning._

_"Try again." I'm instructed. I sigh audibly and pick up the eraser. _

_"She'll never figure it out 'cause her boyfriend's not here to do it for her!" Some random girl feels the need to comment._

_My hold on the eraser tightens. Do I cry or do I beat that brat senseless? My brain doesn't know what to tell my body. I wait for a rebuttal from Mrs."Whatsername", but don't receive one. How can she let that outburst fly under the radar!? Clearly, this lady plays favorites._

_"While the rest of us our waiting, I'll pass out your assignment."_

_It takes another few minutes before I manage to write anything. Attempt number two is no better than my first. Before the teacher can open her mouth for another smart remark, I hear the final bell ring. Other than Oliver's voice, there is no sweeter sound. _

_The room clears out in a matter of seconds. I drop the chalk on the ledge, not caring that it broke in two, and go to gather my belongings. I try to escape without eye contact, but I am caught anyway. _

_"I expect you to finish the problem on the board in class tomorrow as well." The teacher looks stern as she hands me a double-sided work sheet with more of the impossible problems on it. _

_I duck out without saying a word. She isn't worth my breath or a second longer of my time. Now I trudge my way through the halls with the heard of obnoxious teenagers. It's completely congested everywhere I turn. Everyone rushes out the main exist to the buses and parking lot. I hang a left out the side door. No one is waiting to walk with me or drive me home._

_I have the option of sprinting though the short cut or taking the scenic route to my house. Odd as it may seem, I choose the long way. I want this time to think. I don't need to suffer anymore, but it may end up helping by making my next conversation with Oliver much more satisfying._

_Still on school grounds, I pass happy couples going on their journey hand-in- hand. I hear them tell each other about the school day and how much one missed the other. At first, I become sick to my stomach. How dare these people! A school day is only six and half hours. Try being apart from the one you love for six whole months! The nerve them! _

_And then they have to kiss; making sure I see, of course. They are just so thrilled to be together again. My heart hollows itself. I am not used to being on the other side. I can't handle watching this without an empty soul and a bit of jealousy. Everyone else gets what I want. Why am I punished for my boyfriend's success? It is now that I realize I really need to clear the air with Oliver. We need to talk about how his time away is affecting me. As much as I love him, he has to be willing to hear me out on this._

_I swing open my bedroom door and let it bang against the wall. Home at last. My bookbag gets tossed across the room. There's plenty of time left to finish my reading for English and make up some random answers for that math sheet. I have mixed emotions running through me right now and have suffered long enough. I quickly yank my cell phone from the pocket of my jeans. It's check in time._

_I flip open the phone and smile at the dorky background picture of us. It is a recent change from a nice shirtless shot of Oliver, because my mother sometimes uses my phone (and as much as she likes Oliver, I don't think she'd be too happy seeing that along with the banner that reads "Lilly's Greek God.") I get his number from speed dial and flop down on my bed, resting my head on the pillow. While I am waiting for him to pick up, I stick my hand in my other pocket and pull out Oliver's shinny class ring he left for me one night, weeks before he even knew he was leaving. I didn't have it out in school for fear of losing it, though I wanted to take the ring along so that I had a part of Oliver with me. I slip the jewelry on my finger. It is massive and slides all the way up to my knuckle._

_Three rings go by, but I think nothing of it. A forth ring sounds for only half of a second._

_"Hello?" I hear Oliver pant into the phone. _

_"Hey Ollie-pop." I greet softly. All I can hear is heavy breathing in return. I raise an eyebrow. "Are, uh...are you ok?"_

_"Jumped off stage...sprinted to find phone!" He explains in broken English and rapid breaths. "One of the guys...said phone was ringing and didn't want...couldn't miss...your call!"_

_"Aww, well, catch your breath, babe." I instruct sweetly "I wanna hear your voice, not you hyperventilating in my ear drum."_

_"Sorry." I hear one last deep exhale. "Just a little excited, that's all. I'm usually the one calling you."_

_"Surprised?" _

_"Pleasantly." He responds. "I only wish I could show you how happy I am right now in person."_

_"So do I..." I slouch back in my bed with my eyes closed. We send each other thought waves of the endless possibilities of what would take place if we were face-to-face at this very moment. _

_"I've got that big dorky smile on that you love so much." Oliver admits to his cheesy ways. "I know if I turn around, I'll see the guys mocking me and making kissy faces." _

_"Then don't."_

_He sighs. "Too late..." _

_"Why do you always look?" I ask, smacking my hand lightly against my forehead. My man is a brilliant musician who writes these amazing songs, yet lacks a single drop of common sense. I guess that's what I provide in this relationship._

_"I don't know. Maybe I'm hoping that one time you'll be behind me instead..."_

_  
**"Hey lover boy! You got five minutes!"** A gruff voice shouts in the distance. The acoustics of the room give it a weird echo through my phone._

_"Who was that?"_

_"The sound tech. You called just as we were about to run through a song. Told him I had to answer, though."_

_"You're doing sound check already? The show's usual time, isn't it?"_

_"We're just getting this done now, because I have a lot left to do." He says. "So what's going on? How's your day been?" _

_"School started..."I trail off quietly._

_"Seniors! Oh yeah!" Why did he have to say 'oh yeah'? This is supposed to be a serious conversation. Now I have a desire to jump through the phone and pin him against the wall. However, it's not a strong enough force this time, and sadly fades when Oliver tacks on the question: "And how was that?"_

_I take a long pause and tightly shut my eyes. The liquid burns against my eyelids. Crying at school isn't an option, but who says I can't let it all out in own house?_

_"Lilly-pop? You there?"_

_"H-Horrible..." My voice cracks._

_"All first days are bad." That is the reply I receive. It isn't what I'm looking for; it's not comforting. _

_"Oliver, you don't understand. Nothing went right. I felt sick and alone all day. I nearly died of embarrassment thanks to my stupid witch of a math teacher!"_

_"Should've seen that one coming. You know math gives your trouble."_

_"You know what the worst part was?" Blinking burns, but I must do it a few times before I continue. "Everyone knew! They knew I'd be unstable, so they taunted and teased me about it. Couples acted all 'couplely' around me just to break me down!"_

_"Ignore 'em, sweetheart. You're stronger than that."_

_"No, Oliver, I'm not!" Eyes pop open and I jolt up in bed. Why isn't he feeling my pain? "I thought I was, but I'm really not!"_

_"Lilly..."_

_"Sure, we'll have some classes like History and English together, but it's not gonna help me right now!"_

_Oliver sighs into the receiver. "Where's my class ring?"_

_With glossy eyes, I looking down at my hand and twist and turn the object. "On my finger." _

_"And why is it there?"_

_"To..." I stop for a shaky inhale and to sniffle. "To let me know that you'll always be there."_

_"And I will, honey..." His voice is soft and gives me chills. "Keep it there and pull yourself together for me."_

_"It doesn't substitute for having you here." I state blatantly. _

_"Well, soon it won't matter."_

_"Soon isn't cutting it for me anymore..." A tear or two beg to break surface tension. They are bond to fall at any given moment. I cry out dryly for the time being. "I need you, Ollie-pop! I need you here and now!"_

_"Lilly, you-"_

_**"You're wasting valuable time, Oken!"** I hear the sound guy yell at us._

_"Can't you leave the room or something!? This guy's getting pretty annoying, and I don't really like the fact that every person in that building right now can hear this personal conversation." _

_"There's nowhere else to go!" Oliver exclaims, just as irritated. "And you think I don't want the same!? You know how I feel about you!"_

_"Then show me!" I beg._

_"How am I supposed to do that over the phone!?"_

_I wince, pull my cell phone back, and hold it away at arms length. "For starters, you can stop screaming at me."_

_"You started screaming first!"_

_"Must we always argue like this!?" If Oliver is going break a respectable decibel level, then so am I._

"_We bicker! It's what we do!" _

_"Why is that!?"_

_"I don't know. Is it a turn on for you or something?"_

_"That's ridiculous!" I can't believe Oliver would even think that...but he may have a point. We do nit pick with each other a lot. Maybe it really is some crazy, messed up way to show affection. "You sound like such a doofus right now!"_

_"But am I your doofus?" My boyfriend's low, deep voice wraps around me like velvet. I can't stay mad. _

_"Oliver-"_

_"Am I?"_

_"...You should know the answer to that..." Miles away, Oliver still has the power to make my blush. _

_"Oh I do, I just wanna hear ya say it." (And he calls me a tease!) _

_**"Tick, tock!"** We are once again warned by this extremely impatient man with zero sympathy._

_"Look, Ollie, neither of us want to fight." I carefully lean back in my bed to make my plea. "I just want you home, baby. That's all."_

"_It's just not possible, Lilly. I'm sorry." _

_"Yes it is." I defend the previous statement. "You can stop anytime you want."_

_"I'm not the boss here, I'm the newbie. You know, contrary to what you believe, my head's on the chopping block every night. If I don't put on a good show and please the right people, I could get canned. Then all of this hard work would have been for nothing. Is that what you want?"_

_"I'm not telling you to screw up. I'm trying to tell you how I feel." I roll over on my side and reach for small picture frame with his photo in it. Leaving the frame where it belongs, I simply run my hand over the glass, wiping off a few random dust particles. I stare at that face as if I am talking directly to my boyfriend. "I miss you, Oliver. Emotionally and physically. I'm wasting away over here." _

_"You lasted all this time perfectly fine with phone calls and messages every night. What's so different now? Why the sudden change? You had one rough day in school and suddenly you turn to this defenseless, damsel-in-distress kind of girl."_

_Oliver waits for a reply, but I deny him of one. There is no other reason for that than I can't think of something to say. I haven't changed...have I?_

_"That's not you. That's not my Lilly-pop. She used to slap me so hard for every little stupid thing I would do, and when I was weak, she'd say 'Enough already! Have some pride!' What happened to her? Where's my girlfriend?"_

_An uncontrollable ball of emotions hit me. Oliver won't get an answer to his question. I start to sob, because I am just so distraught, confused, and lonely. "Just quit playing rock star and come home..."_

_**"Thirty seconds!"**_

_"I know, I know! Chill!" Oliver holds his hand over the receiver, but I can still hear the fight. "Lilly, I'm really sorry, but I can't talk about this anymore right now."_

_"We gotta finish this!" _

_"I don't have the time right now, baby! Now lets end this call on a happy note, for both of our sakes."_

_"Oliver, please!" I whine. "Hear me out!"_

_"I really need to do this sound check before things get ugly." _

_**"Ten!"**_

_"Dude, have a heart and shut up, will ya!?" Oliver snaps at the technician. "I'll be right there!" _

_I am almost too scared to speak up...almost. "Oliver, I'm-"_

_"Listen." His volume lowers to a whisper. "If I get finished with everything and still have time before the concert, I'll call you back."_

_"And what if you don't?"_

_"Then you'll get a special text. Either way, you'll hear from me. I told you that you always would. A promise is a promise. " _

_**"I mean it, Oliver! Get off now!"**_

_"A promise is a promise..." He repeats in reassurance. _

_"Ok..." My lip quivers in sadness. Defeated. "I love-"_

_Before I can complete my sentence, (before I can say those three little words I felt for him all my life, yet took years to gather the guts to say) I hear a static buzz , then everything falls silent. Oliver was forced to hang up; our call was cut short._

_Ages seem to go by as I lie still (when it is really only a minute or two.) What just happened? Is this real, or am I dreaming? I just called my boyfriend to tell him how much I miss and need him, and instead got into a quarrel that took up so much of the allotted time that we couldn't even exchange "I love you's." Can someone tell me how I should feel, because I honestly don't know. _

_The answer arrives within seconds. Immediately, I sit up, yank the over-sized ring from my finger, and slam it down on my nightstand. I don't watch it rattle, just burry my head in my hands. My eyes fill back up to capacity, and I don't try to stop them from overflowing. Frustrated. I feel strung out and frustrated. _

* * *

Physically, I must shake myself from remembering the event from hours ago. I can't be angry, at least not at Oliver, right? It's the stupid crew's fault! They change things on my Ollie too much and we both suffer. He's just a kid. We're just kids; young lovers going through all these firsts. Give us a chance to get used to things.

So _this_ is why the ring is out of place. Cleary, I am too much of a mental mess to remember five hours ago. I clutch it in my hand and squeeze so much that my fingers hurt. Why I do this, I'm not sure. It can't bring him back. It won't make the phone ring.

I still haven't found that electronic contraption either. When I put Oliver's class ring back in its "wrongful place", my phone appears in my peripheral vision. That stupid thing vanishes on me then reappears more times that I can count. It must like playing mind games with me, too.

Nervously, I flip it open, hoping to see something more than the main screen. No miss call. No new text message. I sigh heavily. Let down again...

I close the phone and debate on tossing it; not really caring where it lands. A promise is a promise, huh? Normally, I believe every word Oliver says. Tonight, although, I wonder why he is lying to me. If he is not, then it sure seems that way. Is he still upset that I crave more attention and affection than he can give in these conditions? Am I too clingy? I fear that could be a possibility. My brain is too fried to think rationally. Instead, I jump to a few conclusions.

Instead of chucking my cell, (and possible breaking a window in the process) I decide to just place it on the bed. I curl up on my side next to it, propping up my head with my hand. I'm really going to do this. I'm going to sit and stare at a cell phone screen all night, worried sick. How pathetic...or is it dedication? Pathetically dedicated?

Something tells me I'll hear from him. Deep inside, I honestly do have faith in Oliver. No matter what he does (or doesn't do), I love him. My feelings can't turn on and off like a light switch. With me, it's not that easy. He's the first one to have my heart _and the last _one who I want ever receive it.

Fighting back a yawn, I recall four lines to a song about a man and woman going through a slightly similar rough period that Oliver sings to me on occasion. The song has a happy ending, of course. Oliver and I, we haven't gotten there in ours yet. We are lost in the song of life, stuck somewhere between the chorus and bridge.

My eyes slowly start to shut; likely building more tears as I find myself mumbling the lyrics:

"_Please let me know everything's alright  
Thinking about you, though you're out of sight  
Every night, when I'm turning in, my tears find me.  
Please hurry, dear, come back and rescue me..."_

_

* * *

_

**Don't hate me for the absence of fluff this time. For a story to be a well-rounded, it has to have other parts than a nice bed scene (but if you know me, there'll be more of that to come.) The reason I went took a paragraph for each of Lilly's classes was to throw in little goodies about her and Oliver to balance out that fact that she's alone. Once the setting comes back to Oliver, the reason for this "short" phone call will make more sense. That's coming soon. Leave me your thoughts.**

**Oh, and the lyrics featured at the bottom are from the song Flag in the Ground by Sonata Arctica. I don't own them, but I HAVE met the band, and I'm going to see them for a third time on the 13th :)**

** -Marissa**


	5. Chapter 5

**Time management has never been one of my strong points. Tiny chapters with little detail don't cut it for me either. What you are about to read takes place in Oliver's POV, is 90% flashback, and gets most of the Loliver content through phone calls. Forgive me for my OCs. I am not the best at making well-rounded characters.**

**With that being said, I hope I haven't let anyone down from this. Enjoy.**

* * *

"_Alright, Oken. One verse down." _I tell myself. It doesn't matter where I am in the song. This isn't getting any easier. Awkward stares and glares from the band aren't helping either. The crowd gives mixed reactions as well. They don't get me. No one gets me...

Well, no one here does at least...

"_Sing to her_." My mind tells me." _In her heart, she can you_."

But can she_ really_?

"_With every breath that I am worth here on Earth.  
I'm sending all my love to you_."

Please, hear me, Lilly. Somehow this message needs to reach her. Echo my plea; my pledge of love. I don't know which one of us needs the secure feeling more.

My focus turns to keys under my fingers and the hole in my heart. With each note and passing moment the crevice becomes deeper. Whose real fault is this? Can I honestly blame an inanimate object's probable malfunction for my misery? No, that's ridiculous and childish to do. The blame is all mine then? It very well could be. More than likely, I did this to myself.

I'll be open: I am guilty of boyfriend screws-ups. What guy isn't? Lilly and I both keep track, not that I'm proud of them whatsoever. Case in point, though I may be the perfect match for my Lilly-pop, I am in no way, shape, or form a perfect_ person_. Stupidity likes to overrule my logical side of the brain, especially when I'm separated from her. She's the savior of my sanity. One without the other just doesn't work.

It's not that I forget, it's not that I don't care, it's simply that I am a man who is easily persuaded. Not tempted, gullible. Not intrigued, forced. There is no desire when I'm under pressure.

The pervious night is a perfect example. Is that why I haven't gotten a warm reception? , My worry becomes clear as I begin recalling everything that happened. Oh how I wish I could take it all back...

* * *

_A rare occurrence is happening right now: I am actually sleeping. The hotel bed I am laying on has the softest mattress I have ever felt. Blankets are thin and pillows are a little flat, yet I am physically comfortable. Perhaps I am giving too much credit. In all reality, I am grateful to be in any place that is specifically meant for sleep. Between the van and back room couches, my spine hasn't been straightened in quite some time. No doubt this tour is dooming me to an early life of back complications and insomnia issues. Tack on another con for leaving Malibu._

_Yet here I lay; not only sleeping, but dreaming sweet, sweet dreams. I have missed these almost as much as the person who appears in them..._

_She cuddles close. I snuggle tight. Under the blankets of my girlfriend's bed, we have our moment. Silence soon breaks. Lilly looks up, smiles softy and says: "I'm so glad you didn't go. I knew you couldn't leave me..." _

_Even asleep I feel my heart plummet. In my mind, I never left…_

_Dream Oliver, however, smiles back and replies: "I wouldn't and I won't ever. I'd have to be a fool to leave you here." _

_Kisses and "I love yous" exchange. I swear I can taste her._

_And in my dream, I start nodding off. Is that even possible? Can someone dream that they're sleeping, therefore having two dreams? I don't understand the situation. All I know is there is a warm, fuzzy feeling inside me; the kind I only receive when my Lilly-pop is near._

_Dare I smile? The real me does form a tiny grin. For once on this long, tiresome trip, I seem to be almost happy. The emotion can't exactly be confirmed as such, but there is enough of something similar to make me seem that way. I think I'm enjoying this._

_Then, my mini-heart attack arrives. Vibrations from my cell phone on the nightstand causes the precious dream to end abruptly. Normally, I would simply roll over and ignore it, but I haven't been the same since the day I departed. Now I am too jittery and jolt straight up in bed, startled. My natural reflexes kick in before attending to the noisy object. I rub the space left beside me. It's empty and cool to the touch. Even though my brain knows the answer, my heart always has a hope that Lilly would be there someway, somehow. Cleary, I am not used to dreaming, because this felt all too real._

_After letting the somber fact sink in for a second, I hatch another theory. This phone call could be her. She is probably calling to say good morning and to check in with me. Lilly is so caring and compassionate...and she misses me. She needs me and the feeling is mutual. I wonder what her dream was like and how she slept, too. If I'm not fast enough, voice mail will kick in, and I'll miss my chance. Excitement takes over, and I quickly grab the phone to answer._

_"Good morning, baby." I greet. My first words after waking up are low and scratchy._

_"Hey there, hot stuff!"_

_This is not the sweet voice I know. It is too squeaky and high-pitched. Soon after, I hear snickering in the background and things make sense. Sometimes, I really can't stand my band mates..._

_"Jim-my!" I grumble loudly into the receiver._

_"Don't yell at me, dude. You came on all fresh to me first."_

_"What do you want, Jimmy?" I ask, sounding very groggy._

_"Oh it's not just me. We're all here."_

_"Huh?"_

_I hear Jimmy click his cell to speaker and the heckling of Steven, Josh, and Kyle-the other guys in my band. My sigh is not audible, but the loud smacking sound that my hand makes when it comes in contact with my forehead is. Great; all four of them are on the phone. This won't be pleasant._

_"My question still stands: what do you want?"_

_"Where the heck are you!?" Every band mate shouts in unison._

_"You know where I am." I mutter. "And by the sound of my voice, you can obviously tell I was sleeping..."_

_"Rise and shine, little man!" The drummer shouts loudly into the phone. "We gotta grab some food before we hit the road."_

_"Stop at fast food on the way."_

_"Actually, we're all sitting in the hotel restaurant right now waiting on you." Kyle joins the convo._

_"I'm not hungry." I sink back down in bed, wanting hang up so badly for a tiniest of chances that I can return to dreamland._

_"We're holding people up, man!" Josh explains. "And remember your blood sugar!"_

_"You're not my mother, Josh. I'm just fine."_

_"I bet you Lilly would want you to eat something..."_

_Steven's words set up an uproar of teasing. I hear someone mimic the sound of a whip, while two others go about a replay of one of mine and Lilly's love-sick conversations. Musically, these are the best players in the state of California. Personality-wise, most of them can be real jerks at times. This is what tour has been like. Yes, I am the young one trying to make a name for myself, when these guys have been around the block one or twice. Do I get respect? Not always. Is hazing an issue? It shouldn't be, but it is, and I am told to just get used to it. If this is what a typical rock star life is supposed to be like, I foresee a change of plans in my future._

_Regrettingly, I let the guys have their fun. I'm not in the mood for a shouting match nor do I have the energy. When I feel time's up, I sigh heavily into the receiver._

_"I'll be right down..."_

_"You got ten minutes, or I'm sending Steve up to get ya!" Jimmy warns._

_"I went last time!" Steve whines in the background._

_"Fine...Josh?"_

_"No way, man!"_

_"Well then I guess it's Ky-"_

_"Why don't you get off your butt and do something for a change, Jimmy?! Ugh. Drummers!"_

_"Don't start with me!"_

_"Guys!" I do my best to sound like I have an ounce of authority. "I said I'll be down and I will be. I don't need an escort."_

_"Focus, Oliver!" The guys remind before hanging up on me._

_"I am focused." I mumble to myself, slowly dragging my stiff body out of bed. "She's got my full attention..."_

_With in the time allotted, I must clean myself up and throw on a half decent outfit. The warm shower feels so good on my aching muscles, but I rush through it. The hardest task is finding clothes that match. Living out of a suitcase is worse than it sounds. Nothing ever goes back in its place, and I'm constantly misplacing socks and underwear. (Usually, I would check down either mine or Lilly's couch, but that's another story.) Somedays I even go to reach for that red hoodie of mine, forgetting that my love is probably wearing it. Today is a "whatever I can find" outfit day. I'm clean. My clothes seem to be as well. Now it's time for a race._

_Of course the elevator is down when I need it the most. Luckily, my room isn't on one of the higher floors. I sprint down about five flights of stairs. That is still enough to leave me huffing and puffing as I reach the guys' table at the restaurant. They already have half-eaten plates of food in front of them. So much for waiting..._

_"Right on time." Jimmy reports after glancing at his watch. "I'm impressed, Oken."_

_"Elevator's out!" I collapse into the black chair out of breath. Kyle slides me over a full glass of ice water to rehydrate. A few gulps later, I am able to speak again. "I thought you said you guys were gonna wait." I point at Steven, who is taking a big bite out of a piece toast._

_"You're here, so I'm eating!" Steve shoves the rest of the jam-covered bread in his half-open mouth._

_"You're such a pig!" Josh whines, wiping the crumbs off the table. (I once told Lilly she ate like a pig. I later took back the comment, but let me just say that Steven James Morris is the messiest, sloppiest eater I have ever seen.)_

_"You going to order something?" Kyle asks, trying to ignore the scene to his left._

_"Nah." I snatch a slice of bacon from Jimmy's plate for myself. He doesn't notice, because he is now trying to tame the conflict between my rhythm guitarist and bass player. "I was told we were in hurry, but I didn't think I ran all the way down here to watch grown men fight over the last pancake."_

_We don't want to, but Kyle and I take a brief glance at the rest of the guys. Josh has Steven in a head lock very close to the table, while Jimmy is trying to claw his way closer. Yep. This is the Smokin Oken band. If it wasn't for their talent, they wouldn't be here._

_"A stranger couldn't tell that everyone sitting at this table is a twenty-something, except for me." I mumble out the side of my mouth and roll my eyes._

_"You calling me immature!?" Steve pops his head up from under Josh's tight grip and scowls. His face is red from all the struggling._

_"You're the one who drew a smiley face on the pancake with butter..." I point to the cartoonish drawing on the breakfast food._

_"I wanted to put ketchup like it had a bloody nose." He explains the gross details. "But Joshy here wouldn't let me." Steve motions to the man holding him captive with his head._

_"'Cause it's sick!" The bassist shouts._

_"Shut up or I'll give both of you a bloody nose!" Jimmy joins in with a threat._

_"This is ridiculous!" I exclaim. My fist slams down upon the wooden table with great force, causing utensils to rattle. "Jimmy, stop being jerk, Josh quit trying to be macho man and let Steven go, and Steven...grow up or at least act human! You guys are such an embarrassment!"_

_I let out a frustrated sigh and fold my arms across my chest. It's way too early in the morning to start this kind of trouble with me. Usually the guys aren't a terror until after the show. I wonder what possessed them to start acting this way now. At least I catch their attention by my outburst. I see every pair of eyes widen as they comply. Surprise; I can be just say bossy and threatening. The only difference is I chose not to be, until a matter like this one comes along where it requires this kind of attitude._

_"No need to be so snippy, "Ollie-pop"..."_

_A switch snaps in my brain. Something bursts; my arms fly across the table to grab Jimmy by the collar of his fake black leather jacket her wears to look "rock star." The rest of guys watch in shock._

_"You can call me Oliver, and you can all me Oken..." I tighten my grip and glare angrily in my drummer's face. "But don't you dare call me that name!"_

_"Uh, not to be the one to ruin you're moment," Josh hesitantly says. "But you yelled at me for wrestling with Steve. Right now, you look like you're about to choke our drummer, man."_

_"Yeah, Oliver! We need him!" Steven adds._

_"Hypocritical or not, just leave him go, guys." Kyle steps to aid my defense._

_I ignore every other living thing in this whole room except for the cocky musician smirking in front of me. How I wish I could just pound his face in for not only this comment, but all of the smart-mouth remarks he makes! Jimmy talks bad about both myself and Lilly. That is something I don't take lightly. The fact that he has the nerve call me the sacred nick name in a voice that mocks my girlfriend is appalling. To hear "Ollie-pop" at a time like this devastates me, especially after his morning. So close in a dream, yet so far away in reality._

_"Why are you so cranky...Oliver?" Jimmy has the nerve to ask for an answer. He at least has an ounce of respect to correct his mistake. "Didn't sleep well?"_

_"I slept fine." I throw all the attitude right back to the sender. "I still would be if you hadn't called for some reason, which I'm still trying to figure out. I mean, if we were in such a huge rush like you said, why are we sitting here having it out like this, huh?"_

_"I'm sorry." His apologize has no value whatsoever. "Were you dreaming about your little "flower girl" again?"_

_"Flower girl!" Josh laughs. "That's a good one!"_

_"Oh Lilly-pop, my love!" Steven does what he thinks is an imitation of how I sound. "You're prettier than the flower that shares your name! Sweeter than every apple I have ever eaten!"_

_Even though he completely over plays the dramatic factor, what Steve says hits home. It's true; I dream about Lilly ever chance I get and say those things to her. We just entered the last month of this tour. Oddly, it makes me more fragile. I can count down the days, hours, even the seconds until I see Lilly again, but only causes more problems. For me, I find it easier to take a different approach. I'm deciding to go in numb. When I want to reminisce and day dream, I will. My band should respect that and leave the love of my life out of their vocabulary or random topics when they're bored. She's a serious matter._

_"Can you...can you not bring her into this?" I ask, slowly loosening Jimmy's jacket from my hands and sit back in my seat. "Please? I don't...I don't need this right now."_

_"My point exactly." Jimmy replies. "You don't need this extra stress on you. It's not healthy for ya, Oken."_

_"I feel-"_

_"And you shouldn't." He interrupts. "That's why were gonna fix you up tonight."_

_"I didn't know I was broken." I reply confused._

_"Not broken, mislead." Steve corrects me. "That's why the Jimister here has a plan!"_

_"Oh...?" I cautiously wait for further details._

_"I got some old friends of mine coming out to the show tonight." He begins. "I've been filling them in on your little situation, and they're willing to help ya out tonight after the show."_

_"I don't see what you think hanging out with a bunch of guys is going to do for me." I respond honestly. "But I'm not stopping anyone."_

_"He's not getting it, is he?" Josh poses a rhetorical question._

_"Maybe we're too late. Maybe we can't save him." Steve pretends to wipe away from fake tears. He is horrible actor._

_"I don't know what you guys are trying to do, but you all look and sound like idiots right now." My eyes scan to every person seated at the table._

_Jimmy sighs and makes a final attempt to explain. "We're throwing a party tonight to get you out of this funk. I took the liberty of inviting a bunch of my "female friends" to introduce to you."_

_"Excuse me?" I raise an eyebrow._

_"Oh for Pete's sake, Oliver! We're trying to hook you up so you'd get your mind off Lilly for once!" Steven blurts out the plan in simple terms._

_"What!? I exclaim. Am I hard of hearing already or have these jerks really stooped this low? Are they...are they essentially trying to get me to cheat!?_

_"Hear me out on this, Oken." Jimmy wants to protect his statement but I won't let him._

_"What's there to hear, man!?" I yell. "I'm not playing your twisted game! I have a girlfriend!"_

_"But do you love her?" He asks._

_"Of course I do!"_

_"He means are you in love with her." Steven emphasizes._

_"Yes! I am in love with Lillian Truscott a billion and two percent!"_

_I fly up out of my seat and scream so loud that catch the attention of the restaurant staff. They shoot their glares at my disruption. My face reddens with embarrassment, but I couldn't be more proud to stand my ground to protect and profess my feelings. Eyes dart nervously as I wait for the moment of awkward silence to pass. Once it does, I slowly sit back down, and lower my tone so just the four people who are in this conversation can hear me. "She's my everything, you guys. You know that."_

_"Lilly has too much of you." Jimmy voices his opinion. "We need you just as much as she does."_

_"I'm here, aren't I?" I spit out in a sour manner. "I sacrificed a heck of a lot to be, but here I am."_

_"You just not mentally here, Oliver." Josh adds. "That's all Jimmy wants to fix."_

_"You don't fix that by throwing me in a room full of girls; I'm not being shark bait. There's only one girl in this world that I want to be with. Nothing can change that."_

_Everyone is quiet for moment. I think I might have actually struck a chord in some of these guys, however, I ruin it with my next comment: "You guys know what this feels like...don't you?"_

_"Oken, Oken, Oken." My drummer sighs after taking a sip of his coffee. "You just don't understand women."_

_"Because everyone here does..." I tack on the sarcasm._

_"I know what they get like at a time like this." Jimmy offers his words of wisdom. "I once had a lady. Couldn't stand to leave her, so I pulled some strings and brought her on tour with me."_

_"Lucky!" I whine like a jealous child, because I am one. "Bet it was everything you ever dreamed of."_

_My words cause Jimmy to nearly choke on his hot beverage. "Are you kidding!? It was pure torture! I sent her packing after three weeks!"_

_"How could you say that!?" I am taken aback by the disrespect. "What did she do that was so bad!?"_

_"She was just so annoying! Always right next to me, never letting me have any time to myself. She thought she owned the bus, and was constantly messing with equipment! Ask Ky!"_

_"Actually, Nicole wasn't that bad." Kyle answers after thinking if he should lie to save his hide or tell me the truth. "She played music, too, and you could hold an intelligent conversation with her."_

_"You just like to go against you big brother, don't you!?" Jimmy temporarily puts his aggression towards Kyle, who avoids eye contact. I just don't see how one of them can be a pompous freak while the other has a heart. Their poor parents…_

_"I still don't see why she left." Why don't I ever remember not to poke the bear with the stick? I fear I am getting chewed for this._

_"She never let me out go after the show and party!" That is the straw that broke the camel's back?_

_"Well of course she didn't let you. She didn't want you around other girls." I take Nicole's side (whoever that is.) "Girlfriends do that because they love you."_

_"Love shmove!" Jimmy bites. "We weren't in love!"_

_"I think she was..." I whisper._

_"If she knew how to be a rocker's girlfriend, she would have let me go out."_

_"That's...that's terrible..." I don't have it in me to look my oldest band member in the eyes. It seems like every day I lose more and more respect for this creep as a human._

_"That's why I don't get emotionally attached to girls." I don't remember passing the torch to Steven, but here comes more neurotic ramblings. He is one to give his input without anyone asking for it._

_"I don't see you as the girlfriend type." I reply._

_"No way, man! I don't want a yippy little lap dog or a love sick puppy following me around!"_

_"Stevie Morris is a bad boy..." I roll my eyes in disgust._

_"Darn straight! Life's too short to settle down! Go out and live it up while you're young, kid!" I can't believe someone can be proud of such a lifestyle._

_"I live a very full life being taken." I tell him, but feel like I am wasting my breath. "Lilly and I have a lot of adventures together."_

_"How could you without being bored with each other?" Steven's question is an honest one. He doesn't know how to love someone and only that one person. "I haven't been with a girl for more than a week at best. I always find new ones that come along."_

_"You do realize you go through girls faster than milk expires?" I point out the bitter fact._

_"I don't even like milk!" He shouts._

_"How did you mange to pass school!?" Josh stares awkwardly at Steve, who is now trying to get his spoon to hang on his nose. There isn't any official word that this man has ADD...but I don't have to have a degree in medicine or psych to know that there are a few screws loose._

_"I never said I was smart!" The utensil falls from Steve's nose to the table with a clang. He growls in frustration. "At least I had ladies."_

_"I had a girlfriend once." Josh openly admits._

_"What got between you two?" I pry._

_Josh just sighs and points to the answer with his thumb. "She cheated on me with Steven..." The culprit breathes on the spoon and finds out that this will get it to stick and hold to his nose._

_"You weren't what Megan was looking for!" He claims._

_"I'm surprised you remember her name. That seems like an odd accomplishment for you." The bass player praises._

_"I always remember the good ones..." Steve winks. In my mind, I want to pursue this somewhat, but just shake my head instead and turn to Kyle: the only half-sane person in this band other than myself._

_"Do you have anything you wanna say about this?"_

_"I can't be any help. I...I never had a girlfriend."_

_"I find hard to believe." I reply. "Outta these doofuses here, I see you as the only one would actually be a good in a relationship."_

_I notice that Kyle seems to be getting uncomfortable with the situation. His eyes dart and he mindlessly plays with the scrambles eggs left on his plate._

_"I don't want a girlfriend." He finally speaks. "I can't give my heart to someone."_

_"Sure you can. It takes time and just the right girl." It feels weird for a seventeen year old to give a twenty-two year old encouragement, let alone in a subject as deep as love. "You find her and everything falls into place. It's so simple."_

_"I can't give my heart away, because I already gave to music." Kyle replies. "That's all my mind, heart and soul is."_

_"Well it shows. You're the best guitar player in the state." I give credit where credit is due._

_"You're just as good." Kyle sends the compliment back to me. "Well, you would be if you put everything you have into music."_

_"If? I do."_

_Kyle shakes his head. "No, you don't, Oliver. At least you haven't lately. Lilly can't be your main focus anymore. Not when you've got gigs to play and money at stake."_

_"You're turning on me, too..." I trail off feeling incredibly betrayed. Kyle and I have known each other the longest. He is the soul reason I got this tour set up, because he showed our demo to a promoter. We like to write together, and up until now, he was my go-to guy for advice. Now I am left to fend for myself. Once again, no one understands me._

_"No one's turning on you." Jimmy rejoins the conversation. Why is it that these guys will back each other up, but throw me to the wolves every chance they get? "That girlfriend of yours is corrupting your mind and it's showing through in the performances and in every day life."_

_"You have the guts to call me corrupt!?" Blood starts to boil._

_"Love's a disease, kid" The "all-mighty" Steven thinks he can preach a point. "We need to control it before you crash and burn."_

_"It's too late, I'm already fatal! Lilly has taken every ounce of my life and I want it to stay that way!"_

_"Calm down, Oliver." Kyle is sitting next to me and can sense I'm about to hall off and punch these losers in the face! I already have a fist made. It's shaking out of sight at my side. On the inside, it feels like I could take all of them on at once...or at least flip the table. Hulk-like visions surface. Don't get any ideas, Oliver._

_Two things flow through my veins on a daily basis around here: rage and love. These imbeciles have another thing coming if they think I am going to sit back and accept this insane agenda! My point will be made. My voice will be heard. It's time to for me to act like a true front man. The band's leader must do just that, lead the band._

_"I don't care how you guys live your lives; that's none of my business." I announce getting up out of my seat to stare them all in down. "But you will not sit here and tell me that my life is ruined because I love someone and miss her dearly! You guys aren't my boss, you guys aren't my family, and after today, I don't even know if I can call anyone here a friend. What you are, however, are my band mates. When it comes to music, I'll listen to opinions and take advice. When it's about my own life, scratch that, my love life, I don't need to and I won't hear you out. I give what I get. Hassle for hassle, trouble for trouble."_

_I pause to see if anyone is "still here", because it is awfully quiet. Four pairs of wide, blank eyes are fixed on me. This pleases me so much that I almost form a crooked smile. Eating out of the palm of my hand, are we, fellas? Oken has the reigns now! A kid's laying down the law! Even though I prefer that she is, my Lilly-pop taught me how to take charge, and I'm using all of my skills to their full advantage._

_"So just forget about this master plan of yours, Jimmy. I'm not gallivanting with a bunch of bottles blondes because you think I'm lonely and distant. As far as I'm concerned, I'm taken in every sense of the word by my girlfriend, and that's how it's gonna stay." I slam my chair in so hard that it smacks of a leg of the table, leaving all of its contents to tremble. "You don't own me, she does!"_

_My chest falls in a very loud exhale. I wonder if steam is coming out of my ears. There is enough anger present for that to be possible. Passive-aggressive behavior sure takes a lot of out me, but the empty looks I receive in return are well worth it. Score a point, no, make that record a victory for the underdog. These guys have met their match._

_"Van. Two minutes." I hold up fingers as a signal. "We've got a busy day ahead of us."_

_With that, I turn on my heel and start my walk to the exits confidently and with my head held high. If she were here, I think Lilly would be proud of me. I know I am. However, if Lilly were here, I wouldn't have the guts. There wouldn't be a need for this meltdown. Now she's on my mind again._

_And I was just doing so well with keeping my emotions in check..._

_On the way out of the dining hall area, I see a long, rectangular table with fruit laid out on it as part of the restaurant's buffet. One quick check to see if the coast is clear, and I snatch a round, red apple, before dashing out the door in an almost "Mission Impossible"-like fashion. I take a big first bite, which almost bring tears to my eyes._

_Steven's teasing comment was right: this apple tastes nothing like the sweetness of my Lilly-pop..._

_I toss the fruit that holds too many memories nonchalantly into a near by trash bin, then pop my phone out of my pocket to send my love a good morning text._

_***_

_The drive to the next venue is more quiet that usual. Every once in a while, I hear Jimmy mutter a curse word at the GPS system, claiming the stupid computerize female voice is being uppity when he makes a mistake. Steven is half passed out behind him, thankfully not to the point of snoring just yet. My bassist flips through the pages of a music magazine, while Kyle has pen to paper, feverously cranking out more lyrics to a new song in progress. This continues for miles and miles, hours and hours. No one says a single word to one another. Apparently, the speech from earlier buys me four cases of the cold shoulder. This doesn't bother me one bit. I have nothing to say to these guys. They aren't worth a second more of my valuable time._

_Here I am; hidden so far back in the van that I am practically smushed against the window from all of the equipment. Physical discomfort is the least of my worries. Besides, who says I want to be seen? Maybe I want to fade away from all of this nonsense. Maybe I just want to go home to her..._

_My ear phones to my iPod struggle to stay in place with Jimmy's rushed and reckless driving. (I swear he hits every pothole and bump in the road as if it is a game to hit the most.) The final solution I come up with is to lean my head against the cool window. As I do that, I switch custom-titled playlists from "on the road again" to "I miss you, baby" and sigh deeply with my eyes closed. My list is similar to the one Lilly has. Some of the same songs are on it. Naturally, feelings appear and I start to really feel a kick of depression. With everything that has happened so far, it's inevitable that my motivation vanishes. Where is Lilly? Why isn't she here? Why am I doing this again?_

_During this whole ride, I am nursing a small talk text messaging conversation with my girlfriend. Roles seem to flip-flop: Lilly tells me that things are crazy on her end. I remember that school is starting again soon; more than likely tomorrow. We're seniors in high school; it's unreal. She is busy trying to gather things to be prepaid as best as she can. Leaving the house isn't something Lilly likes doing anymore since I have been on the road, but she claims that her mother is making her do some last-minute school shopping. (We would normally do this activity together. Nothing brings a couple closer than watching each other pick out clothes and discovering that they secretly purchase matching outfits, even when that's not the plan.)_

_Messages are few and far between now. The last text I receive is one with a heart; a simple way of saying so much. We don't even need words sometimes; however today is an exception. Sadly, I know I'm not going to get anything else at the moment. Glancing at the time, I make a note of when to try again. I close the phone, grateful for the little things. My mind goes back to wandering about freely as I stare down at the yellow-lined pavement. Are we there yet?_

_Silence breaks once we arrive. Honestly, it is mostly sighs of relief that we got here relatively on time and one piece. As soon as Jimmy shuts the car off, I am the first to swing open the door and hop out of the tightly-packed, musty-smelling transportation._

_"Now all of the sudden he's excited..." Drummer mutters to guitar player._

_Without waiting for help, I open up the hatch and stare at the massive mound of electronics, instruments, and hundreds of feet of cable. It's miraculous how all this junk fits in here. How we mange to load and unload almost every night is a mystery. It is like a real-life Tetris game, or perhaps more like Jenga. Things fall on unsuspecting people all the time, too, if the person isn't careful. Amps are much heavier than they look, plus the amount we have is shocking. I rub my chin, trying to devise a plan for safe and efficient removal. A black drum case catches my attention. Hands search to find the right way to lift it up and out of the van._

_"Hold up there, little man." Steven crack open the door as him, Josh, and Kyle exit the vehicle. Jimmy isn't far behind them. "You do that and it'll cause an avalanche."_

_I don't make eye contact; I just simply continue reaching for a strap or a handle. "Like you would care."_

_"I thought you were done throwing your hissy fit." Jimmy says._

_"I'm not throwing any fit." By now the case is almost free. I am cautiously, yet quickly pulling it out from its wedged position._

_"Maybe not, but you're being mighty stubborn..."_

_"Stubborn's my middle name." With that comment, the kick drum case comes loose and is now in my possession._

_"I thought it was Oscar..." Steven blinks. Both Kyle and Josh smack the back of his head. What a dummy._

_"You really shouldn't even be unloading stuff yet." Kyle tells me._

_"Did someone call the venue and confirm drop off time?"_

_I pose this typical question to all of my band mates. Their only responses are whistling and shifty eyes. We have a system here on tour. Kyle is right in saying that taking stuff from the van isn't what we do first. It's not like anyone here is in the right mind set, but of course, it all boils down to being my fault. Not today. I won't stand for it._

_"Well that's just great! No one inside knows we're here or what we're supposed to be doing!" I exclaim, slamming the hatch shut. "I can't rely on you guys to do anything for me, can I!?"_

_Since Jimmy is the oldest here, he tires to take me on every chance he gets. "I'm sorry, Oliver, but-"_

_"Don't waste your breath on an empty apology!" Jimmy receives a dirty look before I turn to his brother. "Can you run in talk to someone, please?"_

_"Sure. No problem." Kyle agrees. I'm glad to see he's willing to work with me and not stand there and place blame like the others._

_"Let them know we're here and unpacking. Ask about sound check and triple confirm what time we go on."_

_"You got it." He replies, jogging towards the steps that lead to the main entrance._

_"And find out where the bathrooms are!" Steven calls out antsy._

_"Oh, just go with him!" I command and point off in Kyle's direction. One guitar player waits as the other stumbles towards him. No more "Big Gulps" for that guy._

_"Might as well put that back." Josh says referring to percussion piece I am holding with one hand. "We're probably in for a good wait._

_"I'd rather save the time and do it all now." I shoot down the suggestion. The three of us begin the tedious deed. We do manage to make some progress in unloading without any insults or rude comments. Working without any backtalk; what a concept for my guys to grasp._

_"Least I got a nice spot."_

_I speak too soon. The number one offender goes back to his old habits. Jimmy feels the need to find somehow be the hero of the day. It's pathetic and I stop paying any attention to him. Just as I go to place the vital piece of equipment I have in my hands on the ground beside me, I catch a glimpse of a street sign out of the corner of my eye._

_"Um...not really..."_

_"What's the problem now?" He throws attitude at me._

_"Read for yourself." I point at the metal, white and red street sign not much further from where Jimmy parked. Both Jimmy and Josh take a second to analyze what is written._

_"Eh, that don't mean anything." My drummer disregards the warning and goes back to fishing out the next piece._

_"It clearly says "no parking.' I reiterate._

_"That's for regular people, not us!"_

_"We're in the city with cops galore. The last thing we need is to be ticketed and/or towed." I explain. "And they don't care who you are, trust me."_

_"I'm not taking anyone's side, but we just emptied out almost half the van. Can't we just stay here and finish?" Josh asks innocently. One word to describe him is indecisive. He never chooses sides, yet never really forms an opinion for himself. Bassists tend to have their quirks, but Josh is something else._

_"I'm not responsible for thing that happens." I state my verbal disclaimer._

_"What would you like me do then, Oliver!?" A shouting match wants to begin as Jimmy starts things off by slamming a box of accessories on the sidewalk and getting up in my face. Bad mistake._

_"Dude, my new turner better not be in that!" Josh is more worried about his possessions than the scuffle in front of him. I ignore his concern to continue the battle._

_"Park somewhere else, you idiot!"_

_"Where!?"_

_"I don't know, man! Somewhere else!" (Way to go, Oliver. That's a real smooth comeback...) "Around the block, maybe?"_

_"Then you're lugging this crap back there at midnight alone!"_

_I receive an ultimatum (along with a shove.) To Jimmy's disappointment, I don't seem very shaken up when I stumble back a step or two from force. In fact, it just worsens the situation for him. This is the third time today that I have strong urges to just strangle the smart-alec man. (And keep in mind that it's only early afternoon.)_

_Remember the consequences and that a counter attack of violence isn't worth it at this point, I try to return to a semi-calm state to reason. "You and Josh can finish unpacking. I'll go look around out back."_

_"You just wanna wonder around aimlessly to get out of work!" He accuses me of being lazy._

_"I'm doing my part by finding us a place to park." I reply through gritting my teeth. "I need to stretch my legs, too."_

_"Yeah, whatever. You weren't the one driving..." Jimmy rolls his eyes._

_My response is not a verbal one. Instead, I take the guitar case I am holding and shove it straight in the trouble-maker's gut unsuspectingly. I hear Jimmy "oof" as he is caught off guard by the hard plastic case jabbing him. No "oops" or innocent smile on my end. Daggers fly from our eyes for a second or two, but I cut this conformation short as I turn and start walking in the opposite direction._

_"Stupid kid!" I can hear Jimmy's gruff voice echo off of all the buildings surrounding me. All I do is smirk and continue my leisurely stroll down smooth city block with my hands half resting inside the pockets of my jeans. An opportunity like this is a rarity, so I am milking every last drop and loving it._

_At only twenty feet away from the scene, I have to stop this victory walk. The overwhelming instinct to cause harm subsides greatly. I have no doubt that the feeling will rise again and sometime soon. For now, I have other plans that I must act upon. Very cautiously, I turn my head to see what the guys are doing. Believe it or not, they are still following my order. Perfect; everything is working._

_I continue walking down the street little further, taking in the sights. It's honestly a nice area, and the venue itself is in a much better section of town than some of the others. Though I'm not much of a night life person, that seems to be the number one source of income here. A few "mom and pop" business are scattered about in between corporate chains and clubs like the one I am playing in tonight. Maybe I can do some exploring late with the guys. Right now, I am on a most valuable mission._

_And it's not really finding a parking space. That is just a cleaver cover up I thought to use._

_I reach the end of the venue's property. Just around the corner, there is a gated empty lot. A sign clearly states "Entertainment Entrance." Had the driver of the van paid any bit of attention, everyone would be back here. (Sometimes that is all it takes in this world; a little common sense and bigger attention span than that of a goldfish.) After a quick survey of the area, I come to the conclusion that no one is back here. It's the perfect spot, but I'm not about to rush over with this discovery. I need this spot all to myself for a more important reason..._

_As I approach the main gate, I see that is has only a simple latch. Without hesitation, I open up the squeaky-hinged bar just enough to squeeze myself through and close the gate directly behind me. I don't want to attract employees or anyone else for that matter. No one can know where I am. That is the whole point. I'm escaping unwanted human contact for a little peace of mind._

_Hot mid day sun beats down on me in my dark clothing. (Navy blue and black aren't the smartest colors to wear in summer.) I need to get out of the heat and blinding light that is reflecting back in my eyes from the black top. Shade is a must, but where can I find some? Looking around, I see that there is a small awning hanging over the back door entrance to the club. I decide to make refuge underneath it. Brushing off the single cement step, I let out a sigh and sit with my legs bent. A nice, secluded and shady spot away from the ignorant egomaniacs. I'm almost happy. All that's left to do is my real agenda._

_Digging in my pocket, I pull out my clunky, old cell. Service is shoddy, but I have just enough bars to function. I choose the number I want to call from speed dial and wait, mindlessly tapping my fingers against the phone. A simple ring feels like an eternity in length. Nothing can be as bad as my life these past six months, but suspense is killing me. Be there. Please be there._

_"Hey Ollie-pop!"_

_Lilly's cheerful voice greets me as hoped for, but I don't receive the feeling I wanted. I should be happy. A smile should beam across my weary face, but it turns upside down instead. It only makes me miss her more. It's more difficult to keep myself together when Lilly asks "Calling to say hi?"_

_"...Save me, babe..."_

_"What?"_

_I let out a heavy sigh with my eyes closed and rest the back of my head against the cold, metal door in a thud. "I need you. I miss you. Come save me."_

_"If only I could."_

_"Hop in the car of ours and get over here." I ask for something that I know isn't possible, but I like to beg and persuade._

_"I don't have a GPS to guide me."_

_"Take a bus."_

_"No money for the fare, honey."_

_"...Skateboard to me?" My mind is mush: I actually believe that feat is possible._

_"Ok, now you're just being silly..."_

_"Not silly, desperate..."_

_"Well you do sound lonely and distant..."_

_My eyes pop open at Lilly's choice of adjectives. Of course she can see right through my charade; she's my girlfriend. Having her say it directly to me, though, is much harder than just saying it myself. Coming from Lilly, it puts everything in perspective. I really am this bad..._

_"What's wrong, Oliver?" Caring and compassionate vibes are being sent. "And don't say nothing, because I can hear it in your voice."_

_"It's just been the day from you-know-where..."_

_"You didn't say much when we were texting earlier."_

_"I didn't want to bring you down." I say honestly._

_"The only thing you can say that would bring me down is that you're never come home..." Lilly's voice softens in as she trails._

_"No, sweetie! I'll be home!" I declare. "Don't you ever think I wouldn't!"_

_"Then what didn't you want to talk about?" There's a pause on both ends. I'm deciding what I should say while my Lilly is trying to figure out my secret. She is a fast thinker and hits the nail on the head: "You got into another argument with guys, didn't you..."_

_"You know me all too well, Lilly-pop."_

_"Was it Jimmy?"_

_"Mostly."_

_"You know I don't like that guy. Never have, never will. How can you stand it?!"_

_Weakness is definitely busting its way through and dominating this call. I waste enough time dwelling in memories and wishing that I had my baby with me. Now that I have a golden moment to hear her voice and tell her every and anything on my mind...I feel like crying to her instead. My head sinks and I bite lip._

_"I...I can't. Not for much longer..."_

_"What did he do this time?"_

_"He's just being a jerk like usual. They're all being jerks! Constantly nagging and picking on me for every little thing imaginable!"_

_Half way through my rant, I get the subconscious message from my body that I need to move, so I get up from the concrete slab and begin to pace. I can feel my anger resurfacing with each step._

_"Jimmy woke me up when he called screaming at me, we caused a huge scene at breakfast this morning, and I slammed a guitar case at his stomach so hard it almost skewered the punk!"_

_"Why did you do you that?!"_

_"He was being crabby that I called him out for parking in a no parking zone."_

_"Where...where are you, babe?" She is so taken aback by the story of my random act of violence that she becomes confused._

_"Out back behind the club; alone and ready to pull my hair out!"_

_"Ollie-pop..."_

_"I can't take this stress, Lilly!"_

_My voice reverberates and carries a great distance. No doubt my cover will be blown soon by this. Someone is bound to find me. Feeling completely flustered, I pound my first against the brick building so hard my hand stings. What a fool I am. Breathing gets louder and sharper as I try to shake off the numb feeling from stupid act._

_I sigh annoyed with myself, the band, and the whole universe for that matter. All this time, Lilly is silent. She's scared for me and shocked of my behavior. This is not her Ollie-pop. Her dork doesn't do these things or snap in this manner. Am I doing something I promised I wouldn't do? Is this a clear example of the "c-word?" What is with the sudden "change?"_

_"They're just...they're pushing too many buttons..."_

_"I know you don't wanna hear this, baby, but I think you're just overacting..."_

_"Overreacting..."_

_"Yeah. You're reading too much into things and making yourself sick."_

_"You wouldn't say that if you knew what was said..." I mutter._

_"Something about you or something about me?"_

_"Both."_

_"Who cares what anyone says, Oliver?! Have we ever listened to anyone back at home? Heck no! We try to annoy people on purpose! Do we need to have a "you're so cute" bicker fest on speakerphone again?"_

_I smile faintly. "Well it has been a while..."_

_"The bottom line is you gotta stop letting these guys get to you, honey! Look at what it's causing. They're not worth it."_

_Lilly's speech clears up most of my anger. Silly, stupid, and immature. She doesn't say it, but I know those words are what Lilly is using in her mind to describe me right now. My face flushes red with embarrassment, though no one is here to view it._

_"Lilly?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"I love you." I breathe out all of my true emotion from those three little words into the receiver._

_"I love you, too, Oliver."_

_We give a moment of silence to enjoy the tingling in our hearts. It doesn't matter old we are or how long we've been together, we still get butterflies._

_"Are you sure you can't pull some strings and come seem me in Sacramento tomorrow?"_

_"Unfortunately, I can't..."_

_"It's. Just. Been. So. Long!" I whine._

_"Counting the days?" She asks sweetly._

_"Until I hold you in my arms again and never let go..."_

_"You're cliché-ness is adorable." She giggles._

_"I'm keeping the rest of my ideas to myself..."_

_"Oh really? You don't want to share your thoughts with your girlfriend?"_

_"You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'...?" A seductive tone washes over my words._

_"I could be..."_

_"Well keep thinking it and I'll show you when I get home."_

_"I'll never concentrate at school tomorrow. I'll be missing you too much."_

_"School starts tomorrow for sure, huh?"_

_"For sure." There is a short pause as I hear the obnoxious sound of Ms. Truscott's car horn in the background. "Ugh. My mom wants to drag me to another mall to get more school clothes! I'm sick of going out!"_

_"I thought you loved it."_

_"Not without you here I don't." The horn sounds three more times. It is so piercing loud that almost gives me a migraine. "I better get outside or she's going to have a conniption."_

_"I'm sorry, babe. I knew you were busy. I shouldn't have called."_

_"No, don't ever say that!" Lilly corrects. "You know I need ya."_

_"Ditto...and thanks for talking me out of wanting to strangle the guys."_

_"My pleasure, Ollie-pop. Call me later, ok?"_

_"I'll hit you up normal time."_

_"You're the best."_

_"You're darn right I- wait!" I catch myself. There is still another matter that I want to address. "Jimmy's having some stupid party after the gig. I don't know when or how long that'll last. I don't even wanna go either."_

_"No, you should go." Lilly surprises me with her answer. "After all that's been going on, you need a stress-reliever."_

_"You're my stress-reliever, honey."_

_"I think you need some fun, though, Ollie. A party might do you good."_

_"But...But Lilly-pop-"_

_Heather Truscott shouts warning all the way out from her car that rattles my ear drums. Lilly knows she must obey, even though I disagree._

_"I gotta go, Oliver. My mom's screaming now."_

_"I know...I won't keep you."_

_"I love you, Ollie-pop!"_

_"Love you, Lilly-pop..."_

_All of our conversations end the same. For every time that my heart flutters, it also sinks. Every smile on my face fades to a frown. Satisfaction is always guaranteed with these calls, but there is never any tell of how it will last. I am not greedy; I always cherish what I get._

_But today it's not enough..._

_As I slowly close my phone, I can't help but dwell on all the wrong points. For starters, "Save me, babe" is not the best way to greet Lilly. It shows how desperate I am right off the bat. My careless allocation of time is another outstanding factor. Most of it was spent listening to Lilly rebuild my broken spirit. I definitely need to learn some self control._

_And I didn't even get to warn my girlfriend about tonight's events (Jimmy's evil scheme, more or less.) She wants me there, because she doesn't know of the torture. "A party might do you good" she says. Lilly doesn't understand the capabilities the members of my band have. Who knows what is going to happen tonight. All I know is I'm dreading the mere thought._

_With all these thoughts and worries swirling around, I start to feel light-headed and more stressed out now than I was prior to talking with Lilly. (How odd is that?) Very carefully, I inch my way back to chunk on concert by the back door and take a seat. The phone finds it ways into a pocket as I mindlessly stare off into space._

_"I'll be home soon, Lilly-pop." I speak to the hot, thin air as if Lilly herself can hear me. A sigh escapes after a brief pause. "Just not soon enough..."_

_I lean my head down and rub my hands across my face. In duel sense of the word, I am overheated; physically and mentally. There's a certain mind set that I have to reach and I'm struggling with it. It's time to get serious, Oliver. Put the game face on, because in just a few hours people will be flooding through the doors to see the break-out star from America's Top Talent._

_"Olive-"_

_I hear three quarters of my name, then bam! I receive a quick slam to the back of my head and body by hardest metal object. A burst pain jolts through me as topple face first onto the pavement. Luckily, there are no rocks or chipped cement that I could get cut on around me. All this happens within a matter of a second. Everything is a blur for that time period as well. I am not out of conscious, just stunned and having a slow reaction. I am not thinking straight, remember?_

_"Oh...there you are!"_

_I wince and slowly turn my head at the sound of someone speaking. Not being able to turn all the way around doesn't prohibit me for seeing the village idiot Steven standing just inside the doorway._

_"Uh...sorry?" He forms an innocent smile. I glare crossly at him._

_"What do you want!?"_

_"Kyle sent me to find you." Steven begins. "They need you inside to go over some last minute details."_

_"Who's "they"?" I grunt, cautiously starting to work my way into a push up position so that I may lift body off the ground easier._

_"I don't know. Some dudes who work here, or own the place or...something. Don't shoot the messenger, man!"_

_"What is everyone else doing that they can tend to this?" I spit out in a sour tone as I dust off and straighten my clothes._

_"Moving stuff." Steven gives a simple answer. "Why were you sitting out here, anyway?"_

_"I just needed some me time." I tell Steven all that I wish to provide. He doesn't need to know my personal business, and I certainly don't want to feed anymore fuel to the fire about missing my girlfriend._

_"Whatever, man." Steve shrugs and holds open the back door. "But seriously, you're needed by someone for something somewhere."_

_The message is just vague enough to allow me to form actual concern. Grumbling under my breath, I push Steven out of the way as I head through the door to handle issues that apparently only I can solve. I can't make my worries about tonight vanish completely, but I do mange to out them on the back burner. Business first._

_***_

_Tonight's show goes surprisingly well. It is far from perfection, but we seem to avoid a total disaster. The crowd is energized and doesn't want the night to end. To them, it is an unforgettable memory. For me, it's just another long night's work. The special and exciting factors have faded. Though still considered a rookie, this drone-like routine feels like second nature. Now I know that this so-called "lavish and glamorous life" of a rock star isn't all that it's cracked up to be._

_We leave the stage to chants and screams. Some of the guys tend to soak up all the attention, but I don't do that anymore. My "ATT" days and attitude are a thing of the past. Acting this way only causes trouble. Plus, unlike most people my age, I know exactly what I want to do in life and how I want things to be. I am not going to make a stupid mistake and screw up everything I have going for me._

_Just beyond the curtain backstage, I wait to regroup with my band. I expect a high five or some form of amped up congratulations. Everyone acts differently. Different must be the theme of the night, because I see Josh and Steven nod to each other and take off in the opposite direction. I raise an eyebrow in suspicion. It isn't a major concern to me, until Jimmy zooms passed me in a blur. What's his hurry that he can't even say one word?_

_Kyle finally approaches in a normal manner. He smiles and me and pats my shoulder._

_"Great job tonight, Oliver."_

_"Thanks, man. You, too." I spot a few extra water bottles that we normally keep off stage on top on empty amp cases and toss one to guitarist. "Hey what's the deal with the rest of guys? They all just took off."_

_"I don't know..." Kyle replies._

_"We always end up here after a gig. It's our routine or something." I twist off white plastic cap of my water bottle and have a sip. "I mean, I guess I could understand Steven skipping out, simply because he forgot or something. Josh is such a follower, but Jimmy? He's always running around back here and the first to tell everyone what they killed and what they bombed. Tonight he just bolted by me so fast that the wind nearly knocked me over."_

_"You, uh...You know my brother..."_

_I sense tension rising and I am not sure why. The nervous look on Kyle's face makes me uneasy. He quickly cracks open his water and takes a long drink as if he is trying to prevent himself from saying something he will regret._

_"Yeah, I do." I answer. "Which is why I'm asking you. What's going on?"_

_Before I can get an explanation from the only semi-trust worthy person on tour with me, a hand flies out from nowhere and latches on to Kyle's shoulder. He is pulled backwards and yanked away unexpectedly. Water splashes out from the bottle and lands in a tiny puddle just in front of where I am standing. I don't think perusing this mystery is a good idea. Chances are I don't really want to know what is going on, anyway. Right now I am hot, sweaty, and in need of rest, so I let Kyle's awkward exit fade and head off back to my dressing room._

_As I stand in the by the sink removing my skinny neck tie, I look into the rectangular mirror and receive a lustful daydream. A vision of Lilly appears as a reflection. Her arms circle me from behind as she leans in close. Her hands cover mine and mimic my actions. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up as she ever so slowly loosens the fabric around my neck, whispering praises and phrases that I do not wish to share with anyone. My palms start to get sweaty and my knees become weak. It feels all too real. Lilly seems to be right here with me. I want to spin around and pin against tiny bathroom wall and show her how a true man in this field gives affection..._

_Then there is a loud slamming of the heavy stage door; sweet and seductive imagery gone. My blue cell phone rattles on the sink's counter from the aftermath, jolting me back to harsh reality. I stare down at it, realizing that this is my only friend. Lilly's presence exists solely through what this device can provide. Everything else is just a terrible mind trick. How can I be so cruel to myself? I never have the ability to understand irony._

_I no longer want to mope and dilly-dally with the changing clothes. A quick swap of outfits is made. (I really need out of those tight jeans after that little innocent I just had.) The faster I am done, the faster I can leave. All I want to do is climb right back in the van and text my love until we fall asleep on each other figuratively. Remembering the scuttle from earlier, I decide to grab a hoodie just incase I am left dragging all of the gear outside and repacking it solo. (No one can be nice and give me a reprieve from this tiresome chore.) The black and red one I received from my brief stint as an intern at K-Teen radio is within arms reach._

_My head pops out of the pull over hoodie to the sound several footsteps out in the common area. They are not the typical squeak of sneakers like the guys wear. The sound is almost like a click on the tiled floor. As I adjust my clothes, I believe to hear whispering and maybe even a giggle or two. Every time I stop moving and attempt to listen, the air falls silent. Now I am beginning to get paranoid. With all that has been said and done today, how can I not be? I need to get to the bottom this, whether I regret it later or not._

_Making sure to scoop up my phone first, I turn the knob and skeptically stick my head outside the dressing room door. Directly into the lion's den I go..._

_"Guys, what the heck are y-"_

_An ear-piercing thunder of high-itched squeals. A blinding glow of rapid, possibly seizure-causing flashes of a bright white light. The vas array of colorful-nailed fingers of hands desperate desiring to tear off my clothes and come in contact with my bare skin. There is a massive gathering of teeny bopper bandits ready to rip me a part limb from limb for their own personal satisfaction. Fangirls; who let them back here?_

_These tweens and teens are clad in my merchandise and home made shirts. Some of the designs are actually kind of clever. Kudos. Like the fan-atics they are, girls are armed with catchy signs, fancy cell phone/ digital cameras, and eight by ten glossy photos of me, which they wave around as a signal to obtain my attention. They are truly a wild breed of humans that I will never have the ability to fully understand. It's such a petty lifestyle._

_"Um...hey everybody..."_

_I don't know what to say to this group that catches me off guard. My face reddens a bit as I force a smile and innocent laugh. That only causes more swooning and screaming. "Did you, uh, did you enjoy the show?"_

_Asking these girls anything is a dumb idea. All they do is lunge at me, crying out requests for autographs, pictures, and for all my layers to be shed. Blunt compliments buzz about amongst the herd: "Oliver, you're so hot!" "You have the greatest voice!" "Oh my god, I love you!" I can give thanks all I want, but they need to listen to my side of the story._

_I get that I'm attractive to them. I understand that a handful look up to me. It's not that I ungrateful, because I sincerely am. Fans are important to a performer, however they are not the most important part of my life. Right now, these crazies are getting in the way of what means the most; of who means the most. They must be let off, but easy. These girls are very fragile. Everything is fine this minute, but break their little hearts somehow, and they'll tare off and spread such a tidal-wave of bad energy that could ultimate end my career. Be careful, Oliver._

_"Ok, listen up, guys. I really don't have much time, but I'll sign a couple things and take a few pictures. In order for me to do that, though, you all are going to have to back up and give me a little space, k?"_

_My command snaps in their brains and they react like obedient puppy dogs. I didn't think I had so much power. With my hands still on the knob, I pull the door towards me. It isn't shut, but it is closed just enough to buy me some privacy. I let out a deep breath and look at myself in the mirror. Am I ready for this challenge? Lilly is waiting to hear from me, but I can't be jerk to these kids. I can't break a promise to my girlfriend either. Allocating time gets old, but I know what I must do._

_"Alright." I announce, leaving the safety of the confines of the dressing room to those drooling creatures that seem temporally civilized. "Who's first?"_

_After signing my name so many times that calluses form, and looking at the flash of what seems like a hundred cameras for so long that I see pastel spots, I am through with my good deed of the night. Like mice, the girls scurry off and out the door they never should have came through in the first place. When the last one leaves, I feel a great burst of relief. As if I wasn't warn out from a long concert, I am now drained even more._

_I see a shadow of looming in the distance. Please don't let it another wave of attackers. Fortunately, that is not the case, yet the silhouette still belongs to someone I rather not see._

_"How come you let 'em all go, Oliver!?" Steven enters the room with a scold. "You know how long it took me to gather them all up!?"_

_"So you let those overly obsessive girls back here!" My accusation comes with glaring eyes and an impolite point. No doubt he is the culprit._

_"Hey, watch you mouth! Besides, I think you meant to say thank you." Steve enters the room and starts prancing over toward me like I owe him something for his gracious act._

_"Why would I thank you for almost getting me molested?" I spit out harshly with arms folded at my chest. "Look, I love meeting the fans, but there's a time a place for that, and this wasn't it. You know the rules; they're not allowed back here. Are you that disrespectful to me, the band, and the venue...or are you just that stupid!?"_

_He holds up his hands begging for mercy as he tries to sell his innocent pitch. "I meant no harm. I was actually doing you a favor."_

_"Pssh, what favor?"_

_Steven looks me square in the eye and puts his hand on my shoulder. My eyes follow his action, but return to normal just as he speaks. "You're in for it, tonight with Jimmy's crew. You coulda had one of those girls around with you, and Jimmy would have backed off. He's bringing in the heavy artillery, man. It's gonna be trouble."_

_"Oh I can handle anything Jimmy throws at me. Don't you worry." I proclaim with total confidence and back out from under Steven's reach. Steve shrugs his shoulder uncertain, but I stick to my word. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go call Lil-"_

_"Where's 'Smokin' Oken'?!"_

_Jimmy flings his head around the door fame after his beckoning call. His cheeks flush at the corners of his crooked grin. Eyes with wide pupils dart in every direction until the land on their desired target, which is my blank face._

_"Hey you kid!" He slurs a shout. "You seen Ol...Oliver? That's his name...yeah. Smokin Oliver Oken!"_

_"I'm right here, Jimmy." I reply perturbed._

_"I got...I got some friends...here for you!" The drummer speaks in between hiccups._

_"Oh man, is he wasted!" Steven makes his obvious statement with a chuckle and checks his watch. "And in such a short time, too. Props to you, Jimster!" He praises to his fellow band mate._

_"Seriously, I have friends! They wanna see Oli-Oliver here!"_

_"Well I don't want to see whoever it is." I explain. "And we need to get you some coffee..."_

_"Not coffee, girls!" Jimmy looks out the door and motions with his hand. He almost tips over in the process, but somehow has enough sense left in him to hang on to the door frame at the last second._

_I watch in a not so pleasant manner as two woman squeeze their way beside the drummer. They are just as I picture "friends" of a late twenties musician to be: trouble-causing airheads, caked in make-up, and only half appropriately dressed. From fluorescent pink hand bags, to flashy gold bobbles, these ladies are decked out in the latest accessories. Where he finds these women and why they choose to be around him on their own free will, I don't know._

_"This is Courtney and Vanessa..." Jimmy points to each girls as he says their name, but realizes soon after that he is wrong, and quickly matches the correct girl and name. "I- I mean, Vanessa and Courtney. Court has the color stuff in her hair. Opps, haha." No one can tell if Jimmy is blushing from embarrassment or it is just the alcohol._

_The women smile and wave at me as I roll my eyes. "Ok, they've seen me. Now get them out so we can get going."_

_"They're here for the party!" Jimmy links arms with both women for stability as he enters the room. He only make it about half way before nearly tipping over, forcing the escorts to control him._

_"By the looks of it, you've already had one..." I turn to Steven. "Take care of him for me."_

_"No way, man! This is gold!" Steve plops down on a spare black fold-up chair, excited to watch the uncertain event unfold. "Wish I had some popcorn!"_

_"I'm gonna-I'm gonna go get something for these lovely ladies to-to drink. I'll-I'll be right back" Jimmy announces his plan of action and basically hands off these "friends" of his to me. They don't seem to be phased one bit by his choppy speech, sloppy balance, or the potent scent of hard liquor that diffuses profusely from his person._

_Before he turns around, I feel a stiff pat on my shoulder. "He's a good kid, that Oken boy. Lucky all the ladies love him."_

_I pull away gagging after an inhaling a breath of booze. "Take Steve with you!"_

_"But Oliver!" My crazy backup guitarist whines from his seat._

_"Go!" I command, point to the exit. "I can't have him falling down stairs and breaking something. Watch out for him."_

_He doesn't want to listen, but Steven gets up anyway. One band mate helps the other safely navigate through the door and down the hall. Another issue down, who knows how many more do I have to deal with tonight. A big one is staring me in the face. I'm stuck in a room with two considerable older females who look like they should be packaged and put on toy store shelves. How am I ever going to communicate intelligently and rationally with them?_

_"Jim's quite a character, huh?"_

_I pose a small talk question to stay on the safe side, but neither Courtney nor Vanessa answers. They stand frozen, yet still smiling at me._

_"So, um, how'd you guys meet my drummer?"_

_I think to bring up a common factor so that maybe I can get a response. My idea fails; I get nothing in return. The lack of change begins to worry me. Now I am nervous and not sure what I'm supposed to do next. For wanting to see me so bad like Jimmy portrayed, they sure aren't acting like it. I buy some time by clearing my throat. As I do so, I glance around the roam, trying to come up with something better to say to pass this awkward moment. I turn to the one with the vibrant colored streaks in her hair, (believed to be Courtney) and stick out my hand for a more formal introduction:_

_"I'm Oliver..."_

_Both girls hesitate. The one I offered a handshake to turns to her friend. They nod, and next thing I know, I am forcefully yanked from where I am standing, spun around, and pushed by a set of hands down onto the cold leather couch. The couch? No! Not this piece of furniture! This is mine and Lilly's sacred domain of cuddling, sleeping, and, heated exploration/make out sessions. Sitting or lying on one only makes me wish I had never left. Couch time is our thing, and it feels like I'm betraying Lilly-pop when I would never!_

_Each girl takes a seat next to me and sooches over too close for comfort. Immediately, I try to weasel my way out of this situation. I no long care to be polite about it either; I push and shove._

_"Where do you think you're going, Oliver?" Vanessa grabs my shoulder and presses my back against the back of couch. She tries to play sweet school girl, but I can tell this one has a bad attitude._

_"Uh, I um-"_

_"You weren't thinking about ditchin us, were you?" Courtney chimes in with innocence that I see right through. These two are sly devils._

_"Ladies, I'm very busy, so-"_

_"Jimmy says you're stressed out" Vanessa states softly. "Is that true?"_

_"R-Right now I'm incredibly." Keeping my eyes fixed straight ahead, I do my best to ignore the awkward pressure when I respond with exactly what want to hear._

_"Courtney and I can help you with that..."_

_Fake-nailed hands begin rubbing my shoulders. I'm starting to nervous sweat and get fidgety. Muscles are a bit tight, but my body refuses to feel any amount of relief from this contact. It knows Lilly's loving, gentle touch. This is a mockery to her greatness._

_I swallow hard. "Pl-please stop."_

_"What? This isn't working? We have other methods..."_

_I'm not even clear who is taking at the moment, because my vision is blurred. All I know is that I feel tickling underneath my chin on one side and ruffling of my hair on the other._

_"I think this one will do the trick..."_

_One hand from each girl covers my knee caps. Even though my reflexes kick in and I twitch, they still inch their way up my legs teasingly at a snail's pace._

_"Smokin' Oken..." Both let one of my nicknames escape in a sigh. They are just a few hand-lengths away from real danger._

_My brain knows this isn't Lilly, but why can't I move? Why can I speak? How can I let this happen? There is no pleasure being felt. Just because my heart it racing doesn't mean it is for the right reason. I'm scared! I'm uneasy! I want no part of this! Wake up, Oliver!_

_-"Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry..."-_

_Those words along with muffled music and vibration start coming from the inside of my hoodie's pocket. All three of us stare down, motionless. Oh sweet cell phone; my saving grace. I know that ring tone anywhere (even though I didn't set it.) It's Radiohead. Thom Yorke is singing Lilly's plea._

_I thrust my hand into the pocket and pull out the ringing phone so fast that the two holding me hostage can't stop me. They don't even have time to blink before it is resting in the palm of my hand, flashing "Lilly-pop" and still blaring "High and Dry". I am saved; my mind is sure of it. Nothing can possibly go wrong now that I have my love connected to me, long distance or not. The butterflies are back, as I answer the call cheerfully and with a smile growing._

_"Hey!"_

_"Hey, baby! Whatcha doing?"_

_She has to go for the money shot right off the bat. I can't lie. I don't lie, especially not to Lilly. "Just, you know...hanging out..."_

_"I wish I was 'just, you know, hanging out' with you."_

_"Ditto!"_

_I let that slip out a little too enthusiastically. Courtney and Vanessa take notice and stare at me through the corners of their eyes. I don't think they know who I am talking to just yet, and I'd like to keep it that way. Temporarily, I make slight eye contact, and mouth "I gotta take this." To my surprise, neither Vanessa nor Courtney a say word, so I very careful get up and try to prolong mine and Lilly's conversation._

_"So what's going on?"_

_"Well, I just got out of the shower..."_

_"Oh yeah?"_

_Our phrase: I let it slip in question form. (Stupid uncontrollable urges!) Though no one here knows that those two words are heavily linked to my girlfriend and I, the tone in my voice is a dead giveaway to the caller's identity. My back is turned to the ladies on the couch, so they don't see my facial expression. I know they heard loud and clear, but I'm too busy processing thoughts in my own world to care._

_"Not tonight, Ollie." She giggles._

_"What? You don't even know what I was gonna say!"_

_"Oh yes I do..."_

_"Actually, I just wanted to know if you still use that industrial-size bottle of apple body wash I bought you along with your shampoo."_

_"Every night, sweetie."_

_"I thought I smelled something irresistible." I take a slow inhale through my nose._

_"So anyway, I was getting ready to go bed and I realized you haven't called..." Uh oh. I'm back on the chopping block._

_"Uh, no...I, uh, I didn't call. I was- I was about to, though. Pretty soon."_

_"Sorry I beat you to it, Ollie-pop, but I have to get to bed early tonight. School starts tomorrow, remember?"_

_"Don't let anyone see you in your super hot outfits till I get back." I warn playfully. "I gotta be there to pound guys faces in if they try and pull something."_

_"That's just it, Oliver. You're not going to be there, and it's senior year! I'm so nervous..."_

_"It'll be ok."_

_"We've never started a school year a part like this."_

_"Take my class ring." I suggest. "That way, I'll be there in spirit."_

_"Spirit isn't good enough...but I guess it'll do..."_

_"You won't have to use to for long, trust m-"_

_"Hey, hey! I got everyone drinks!"_

_My eyes widen with fear and I spin my head around quickly to the thunderous voice. Jimmy's back; his shout loud enough for Lilly to hear no doubt. What is he going to say when he finds me on the phone with Lilly and ignoring these two tramps on my couch?_

_Flight wins the "fight or flight" debate in my head, and I duck under behind the arm of the furniture. It's a lame and lousy cop-out, but it's the best my brain can come up with at the moment. At least I have temporary safety._

_"Are you still at that party you mentioned earlier?"_

_"Um...sort of..."_

_From my barrier, I watch Jimmy come stumbling in, hugging a collection of bottles tightly to his chest so that he wouldn't drop any. It doesn't look like Steven was much help. The only help he gives Jimmy is by drinking a few of those bottles so there would be less to carry. Oh great. Now I have two impaired band mates to babysit._

_"Yay! Entertainment's here!" Vanessa exclaims. It seems these women only come alive for certain things, alcohol being one of them. "Toss me one, Jim!"_

_"Me too! It's been a real drag!" Courtney adds._

_"Who's all at this party?"_

_"Just some of Jimmy's friends." I bring my tone down to a whisper so I won't be exposed._

_"I can't hear you."_

_"It's Jimmy's friends."_

_"Why are you whispering, honey?"_

_"Hold on a sec." I peak around the corner to keep a close eye on the master of this evil plan._

_"A drag? Not anymore!" Never let a half drunken man throw any object, especially glass bottles. The drummer's aim is completely off, yet the girls already estimated that and make catches accordingly._

_"Hey where's, uh, where's Oken?" Steven turns his head in every direction and asks for my whereabouts. "I brought my little buddy back a soda."_

_"He ditched us in the middle of our surprise!" Courtney whines._

_"Yeah! He's been on the phone half the time!"_

_Vanessa passes the buck and my heart stops. I fumble with the cell phone, almost losing my grip completely. "Uh oh..."_

_"The phone!?" Jimmy shoves the rest of his load at an unsuspecting Steven. I hear a sharp exhale and a raspy growl of some sort. Normally I wouldn't be frightened of him, because I can take all the smack talk in the world and defend my Lilly. Given the conditions and states of mind of half the people in the room, however, there is no telling what can happen. That is what scares me._

_"Ol-iv-er!"_

_Jimmy's bark sends shock waves. I gulp very loudly into the receiver, giving Lilly the notion to comment. "What was that? Is it Jimmy?"_

_I am crouched down on my knees with my back now flat against the arm of the couch scared stiff. Do I move? Do I answer? It feels worse just sitting here. Stand up and be a man, Oliver. As long as those twits over there keep their overly-lipstick-applied mouths shut, everything will be ok._

_Like magic, I resurface, standing tall. With the receiver tilted slightly away from my ear, I narrow my eyes and give attitude. "What?"_

_"That better be your mommy on the phone, little boy." He threatens sternly folding his arms across his chest._

_I'm not sure what is fueling me, but I seem to have the courage to fight back without much hesitation. "And what if it's not?"_

_"Hello? Ollie-pop, are you there? Hello!?"_

_Everyone's eyebrows in the room rise to sound of Lilly's voice, including my own. (Lilly can always be heard miles away when on a cell phone. She talks louder for some reason, especially when she's yelling at me.) Though it comes through with some static, it is clearly recognizable that the voice belongs to my girlfriend. Why does she speak up like this? My cover is blown! Get ready for major trouble to ensue._

_"I-I...I'm here, Lilly-pop." I answer in an uneasy stutter._

_"And so are we!" Courtney and Vanessa announce proudly in unison._

_"Who's 'we'?" Lilly inquires so that the whole room can hear._

_"J-Jimmy's friends...I told you that..."_

_"We may be friends with Jimmy." Courtney gets up form the couch. "But we're not here for him..."_

_"We have other plans tonight." Vanessa adds, following suit. "Plans that include Smokin Oken."_

_"What plans? Oliver, what's going on!?" Lilly begins to get annoyed and wants a serious answer._

_"I...I don't-"_

_"Oliver, you been on the phone for like forever! Quit wasting our time!" Courtney whines._

_Vanessa struts over to me, clicking her bright, fire-engine red heels on the cold tile. "You don't need that stupid girl anymore, you have us. Real women right in front of you who are more than willing to help you ditch this empty feeling." My eyes shut in fear as I can feel her breath on my cheek now. "And fulfill your every need..."_

_"Your needs!?"_

_"Come back to us, Ollie! The couch has been awfully cold and lonely since left..."_

_"You're on the couch with them!?" Lilly shrieks after hearing the worst possible statement she could. I know it seems like she is being over the top, but no one gets that couch time is one of the thriving factors of mine and Lilly's relationship. It's not that I can't sit there without her, but she doesn't think I'm" just sitting." In her mind, an irrational fear is coming true._

_"I'm not, Lilly-pop! I'm-I'm not even sitting! I'm-" Vanessa gives my back a hard push and I fall straight on to the furniture in a thud._

_"What's that, Oliver? You want us sit on your lap?" The seductive question does the most damage, as both Courtney and Vanessa start inches closer and closer. When they reach the couch, the unpleasant sound of rubbing leather material is so obnoxious that it causes Lilly to scream my name louder than I have ever heard. Believe me; I've heard it plenty of times, but never with such horror and disgust._

_"Oliver!"_

_"Lilly, I swear nothing is-"_

_My plea is cut off when Vanessa comes in from my blindside, and quickly snatches the phone out of my hand. She ends up scratching me with her long nails in the process, probably on purpose. Lilly never wears acrylic ones, so this mark burns differently. When I hiss and pull away, Vanessa lets my cell phone casually drop straight to the hard floor. I wince as it impacts tile, landing face-up with a great smack. (Please don't be broken!) As I make a desperate move to steal the phone back, Courtney joins in the fun of physically abusing my cellular device and kicks the thing with front of foot. It skids smoothly across the floor on the path to destination unknown. Friction doesn't cause the device to stop; it bumps into a pair of beat-up black Vans that are on the feet of the devil himself. Gears grind in his twisted, corrupt mind._

_"You're a lot this thing, Oken..." Jimmy smile smug as he reaches down to pick up my phone. His back straightens and he locks his swampy, green eyes on me. "You take quite a beating, but always come out smelling like roses...or should I say "Lilies"."_

_"Give me the phone, Jimmy!" I command. These ladies are still trying to distract me by playing with my hair, but my dagger eyes are piercing right through Jimmy's pupils. I don't want to be touched, but it is not mind or body's first priority. That cell phone needs to be back in my possession._

_My drummer glances at screen. "And she's still on the line..."_

_"Don't you dare!" I yell from my seat. Fists form and clench tightly. "I mean it, Jim!"_

_"What? Just wanna say hi." Ignoring my warning, he puts the phone up to his ear. "Oh if you could only see your beloved Ollie-pop now..." He sneers._

_"Lilly, don't listen to him!" I try to escape, but hands quickly fly form my hair to try to contain me in my state of ever-growing rage._

_"Shut up, salad bowl head! You're making this harder that it needs to be!" Vanessa scolds._

_"Looks like Oliver's a little busy right now." Jimmy tells Lilly in his faking innocence manner, but never looks away the scene on the couch. "He's got two older women hanging on him."_

_"Sit still!" Courtney yells at me for fighting. "We're here to make you relax, remember?"_

_"He's got everything he needs..."_

_The tiny, red-hot flame that rapidly generates inside me explodes at the very instant those words leave Jimmy's mouth. Not caring if I hurt myself or anyone else in the room for that matter, I literally shove Vanessa and Courtney off to opposite ends of the couch and charge straight at Jimmy like an enraged bull. I want to bust right through that jerk, wipe that cheeky smile off the dirty-faced man, and break every single bone is his body in the process. He is well deserving of each ounce of pain I intend to inflict._

_I am running on pure emotion. The man I am up against has impaired cognitive reasoning, too, yet manages to outsmart me. Just as I get within arms reach, ready to plant a mighty jab, Jimmy acts like my cell phone is a ticking time bomb in his hands and lobs it over at Steven, who makes an easy catch. By the time I make contact, Jimmy spins me around and holds my arms firm behind my back like I'm being arrested. My shoulder blades are under enormous pressure as I squirm restlessly._

_"Squirm all you want. You're just gonna wear yourself out." Jimmy informs me coldly. He is not the matter or the main focus anymore; the holder of my phone and the fragile state of my girl on the line are. My relationship's fate is in the hands of stupid Steve? I have to do something to disprove this unthinkable lie._

_"Steven, please!" I cry out in a desperate tone. "Tell her it's not true! Tell Lilly everything's fine!"_

_The back up guitar player stands still, unsure of his next move. He glances down at blue phone in his hands that's wasting away minutes and battery life. Every second counts. His eyes then meet my distraught look. I'm red-faced, breathing heavily, and appear to be a psychotic mess. He shoots a confused one in return. I hope what he sees gets Steven to choose his words carefully and side with me._

_A century seems to go by before Steve raises my cell phone to his ear with a shaky hand. Both Jimmy and I are doing our best to persuade him without verbalizing. Facial expressions send conflicting information. I watch with anxious anticipation when Steven opens his mouth._

_"Lilly, it's Steve. Oliver's being taken advantage of. Jimmy brought these ladies in and they're the ones who caused all this trouble."_

_"What!?" Jimmy is outraged with his fellow band mate, yet takes it out on me by pulling back on my arms so hard that my shoulders make audible pops._

_"I tried to warn Oliver that this could happen, but he didn't listen to me. They threw him on that couch, and now everything's a real mess."_

_"Who's side are you on!?" The drummer plays the loyalty card in a threatening way._

_Steven throws a pause almost as if it is planned and goes in for the kill._

_But who's back does he stab?_

_"But, seriously, Lilly... you gotta back off. You're all the poor guy thinks about, and it's ruining him and the shows. When we try to show him a little fun, he acts like a stick-in-the-mud because he's worried about what you're gonna think. Let the boy mingle with fans! Let him meet new people! Oliver hasn't cheated on you on this tour...but he has every option open to him."_

_Though my back is facing him, I can tell Jimmy is thrilled with Steven's speech. I channel my horrified feelings into added strength, and kick Jimmy's shin with the heal of my shoe. He yelps and releases his grip. I am free, but don't take off like last time. The game of hot potato finally ends as the phone ends up back in my possession. Steven simply tosses it back after he inflicts his damage. The pile of problems I have are deep and now reach up to my eyeballs. Is it possible to dig myself out of this one? Are things irreversible?_

_"I love you..." I breathe out shaky in a low voice into the receiver. It is all I can say. That is what I want her to know; that's what she needs to hear._

_"It sounds like you're pretty busy, Oliver...I'll just talk to you later. Night..." I can't make out exactly how she feels. Her voice hides every clue._

_"Goodni-" A bright light flashes with her name. The call ends and on such a sour note. "Goodnight, Lilly..."_

_I finish my words, shut off the phone, and just stand there cradling the device in the palm of my hand. Which emotion am I feeling more of at this time, sadness or anger. Do I want to cry, or do I want to scream? My brain doesn't know. It can't decide on which is better. Both swirl into a deadly concoction. Lilly is gone for the night, but these heartless souls are right in front of me. No one is getting off easy._

_"Well I hope you're happy, Jim." I say, turning to him. "I also hope you enjoy breathing, because that's gonna be quite a chore when I'm through with you."_

_"You're all talk, punk."_

_"And you!" I ignore any lengthy discussion with Jimmy and turn my attention to the less inebriated man. "You tell my girlfriend I'm not cheating on her, but that I have every right to just because it annoys you guys when I miss her!?"_

_"You said to tell her the truth and I did." Steven explains. That's how everyone here sees it."_

_"Well that's just great..." I roughly jam the phone into the first pocket accessible, and then begin my break down rant. It is complete with flailing arms, the near pulling out of my hair, and bitter sarcasm. "That's just awesome! No one cares that I'm seventeen years and new to this! None of these factors matter. Instead of taking the time out to get to know my situation, you just take the easy route and belittle Lilly and I! I really feel the brotherly love and bond with you guys. I can tell were going to be friends forever!"_

_"Um, excuse me..." Everyone's head flies to the doorway where an employee of the club is look in at us. "Your vehicle has been packed and ready to go for the past fifteen minutes."_

_"You kicking us out?" Jimmy asks with blood-shot eyes._

_"It's late, sir, and all of us working her need to go home."_

_"We'll be out in a few." I reassure the man. He nods and leaves._

_"Boy time sure flies when you're having fun, huh girls?" Jimmy asks Vanessa and Courtney who are practically half asleep from pure boredom._

_"What watse this was!" Vanessa gets up feeling disgusted and wants to make a quick exit._

_"The drink wasn't even worth it!" Courtney reports and does the same._

_"It was just one night!" Jimmy whines, but neither of them want to hear any excuse. They leave the room snoody and in a huff._

_"Give me your keys, Jimmy." I stick my hand out and command._

_"Yeah right!"_

_"There's no way I'm letting you get behind the wheel tonight." I reply forcefully, "Now hand 'em over!"_

_"Never!" He shouts like a stubborn child. It's cool, it's not funny, it's embarrassing for a grown man to act this way._

_"Kyle's got the spare." Steven chimes in all of the sudden. "I gave it to him this morning."_

_"Then Kyle's driving and I'm shot gun." I announce, flipping the hood of my hoodie up over my head._

_"Fine by me." Steven hobbles past me and out the door without any arguments. He thinks he can suck up to me now, but it's way too late for that. It's way too late for anything._

_"Whatever..." Jimmy mumbles. He bumps my shoulder as he makes a turn for the door. I take offence to this slight contact (be it accidently or not), and grab a fistful of his shirt, yanking him down to eye level._

_"You better watch your back, man. Don't think I'm going to let you sleep this off and wake up tomorrow like nothing happened. If you so much as look at me the wrong way for the rest of this tour, so help me, I will pound your microscopic brains out, you hear me!?_

_"I hear you..."_

_"Good."_

_I let go of his shirt and point in the direction that we both need to travel. To be on the safe side, Jimmy doesn't even look at me. His back turns and I let him leave the room first. Of course since he has one too many in his system, it's actually sort of amusing to watch him stumble. At this point, I couldn't care less if he falls and breaks a bone. The tour would stop, because it's very hard to find a decent replacement drummer in such a short notice. No tour means no stress. I would be at home._

_Or is there stress back in Malibu, too? I wish I knew just what my Lilly-pop is thinking. Since I can't bother her this late on a school night, I try to let the worries fade, but it's hard to stay positive when I'm surrounded by people who have such ill misconceptions of the meaning of true love. Tomorrow is an extremely busy day. Hopefully one of us has the right mind to set things straight._

* * *

After flashing back to yesterday travesty of events following the show, I take a short, conspicuous look over at my drummer. All of his limbs are attached and he doesn't have a single bump or bruise. He is still fully function...but darn well shouldn't be. Just thinking about the stunt makes me want to chuck this keyboard at him, not caring that the damage it could cause would cost more than the car that is sitting vacant at house does. I don't let rational thoughts in anymore. They are barred from my brain to make room for what really matters.

But as I come upon the next set of lyrics in this song, things make a switch. Instead of remaining furious, I am now suddenly right back to being lonely and paranoid. Our conversations since that innocent have not been strong. Uncertainty lies deep within me. Lilly isn't one to bring stressful subjects up unless it's absolutely necessary. Though we have spoken (or more or less bickered) today, we have not mentioned this particular matter at all. The possibility that she doesn't believe me now weighs heavy on my heart.

"_So if you dare to second guess, you can rest assured that all my love's for you_."

Don't stop to think for one second that I would cheat, Lilly! I have no reason or desire to be unfaithful! A million girls can throw themselves at me, but they all fall miles short. No one's smiles brighten my day like hers does. No one's eyes feed my soul like hers do. There is no greater sensation than the touching of our lips, and no sweeter sound than her laugh. Steven quotes the line to make fun of me, but my girlfriend really is more beautiful than the flower which shares her name. Lilly is a precious treasure, and I thank God every single day for opening my eyes to that.

But how could I leave my sparkle behind for six pain-staking months? Stupidity. Ignorance. Is that something I can apologize for..._and_ be forgiven?

"_My beating heart belongs to you.  
I walked for miles til I found you.  
I'm here to honor you_."

I can't shake the "what ifs", I can't wash away my worries. Not knowing is a terrible cross that I bare for everyone in attendance to see. My insecurities stick out like a sore thumb. It doesn't have to be that way, but for now, singing is all I can do.

"_If I lose everything in the fire,  
I'm sending all my love to you.._."

* * *

**Now do see why it took so long get an update? I guess I write too much for fanfic, but not well enough to write a book. I know your eyes probably burn (or maybe you skimmed through it all), but I would really appreciate it if you left any thoughts and comments in a review. I spent many sleepless nights at my computer desk working, so please take another few seconds out of your time and let me know how I did.**

**The 6th and final chapter is in progress and is my first priority to finish. **

**-Marissa**


	6. Chapter 6

** Here it is: the long awaited final chapter. I know it looks long, but it's actually SHORTER than the pervious one! It's split into three sections: Oliver's POV, Lilly's POV, and then the reunion (which is the biggest section) is back in Oliver's POV. That's right, the reunion. Actually face-to-face conversation and, well, you'll just have to read... **

* * *

I reach the music break in the song and not a moment too soon. That last recollection really takes its toll. All bitter thoughts run ramped with each push of white and black keys. Eight measures of simple chords and repeat, Oliver. Do I still have the ability to count to four and stay in time? My brain is jumbled. Hands don't want to touch plastic; they want to feel silky-smooth skin. They want to run through honey-blonde hair. What I would give for that sensation right now...

Out of the corner of my eye, I try to gauge the audience's reaction. Maybe I am putting them to sleep. From what I can see, they seem still and relatively unenthusiastic. Wishful thinking ensues: can I bore them into a coma as I pour my heart out over the amped up sound system? I don't want the_ whole _world to hear or understand, of course. Only the person who _means the world _to me needs to know. This is only intended for her.

And now I am starting to think I made the wrong choice.

Singing this song is a mistake. Going on stage tonight is a mistake. Letting the guys harass me and boss me around is a mistake. Leaving my love behind to be subjected to the torture and pain is the biggest mistake. It's just one bad decision after another with me.

Missing the sweetest and most beautiful girl, however, is not. Loving Lilly Truscott with all that I am isn't a decision, it's a natural instinct.

An emotional wave crashes straight at my chest. If I want to get through the rest of my performance, I am going to have to ignore it. This constant fear of drowning in my sorrow and uncertainty is too much. A restless heart under such pressure can only take so much before an explosion is emanate. I wonder where it will take me as I open my dry mouth. The end of song is vastly approaching, yet the pain is of endless supply.

"_My beating heart belongs to you_."

I can't hear a thing over its' frustrated cry. Listen to it, Lilly. Respond with a sign somehow. Please take note of the naked truth I am screaming out as clear as possible. The vital organ inside my chest has no desire to be here alone. It wants its owner. I _need _my owner. The pending text spells it out in black and white. All that is left is her answer; one that I hope still mirrors mine.

"_I walked for miles til I found you_."

Forget the bumps in the road that force Lilly and I to keep distance. Let this life I am living disappear as fast as it arrived. I'm through with it! Look what it does; look at the trouble it causes. I have to reprove my loyalty and my love, and as I see it, there is only one way. The craziest of all thoughts enter my brain. Am I actually going to go through with this? I won't chicken out, will I? In a split second, I make up my mind. I can't take the stress of not knowing how she feels or where we stand any longer.

"_I'm here to honor you_."

But when it's time for the last line of the pre-chorus, words from Lilly's mouth echo throughout my brain: "_Make me proud." _If I go through with my plan, I'm giving up onher. Backing out now means backing out on a promise. Oliver Oscar Oken never break his word, especially to his girlfriend. Lilly is my driving force behind life. She pushes me to believe in myself and in what I do when no one else does. It is an honor to be here, yet a torture to stay.

My head and heart argue amongst themselves. They can't agree on where to go from here. I'm in limbo with one last line of the song on the tip of my tongue. Something needs to click before I run out of time, but nothing does. Frustration erodes away any silver lining present. I choke out the final lyric, weakened and confused.

"_If I lose everything in the fire, did I ever make it through_..."

Instantly, the solution pops in my mind. Fate brought Lilly and I together, and it can be the one to decide my next move. That line has a point. If I end up losing it all through this experience, does Lilly at least know I love her? It is all up to that blue cell phone in my pocket. Everything relies on this one critical message.

My head points downwards as I play the keyboard outro. It is the only instrument that has notes, so naturally there is a bit of extra pressure to finish these last seven measures flawlessly. Somehow, I manage to stay on the right path, until my very last chord. (Stupid fingers hit a minor instead of a major.) I am not aware that I am holding out this sharp sound either. Not to seem rude, but the crowd of mostly teenage girls will scream at anything. They don't always have the notion that a note is off or if something is sang out of key. How come they get to live in the moment and be care-free when I'm put on display with a spotlight shining on my agony for all to see?

The roar dies down in decibels, but I have to act fast. My head is tilted downward so that no one can make eye contact with me, not even my band. Slyly, I shove my hand into my pocket. Fingers rub the screen as I carefully slide my phone out just enough so that I can make a quick check without getting caught. This is it, my heart races. Please tell me all of this paranoia is a lie, that I'm worried sick for no reason at all. I want to know that I'm over-reacting. Most of all, show me that she knows I'm safe, that I love her, and that she's all I want and more.

I push a button on the side and the screen lights up with fate's answer. There isn't any time to debate it; I know what I have to do now. Thanks for that extra nudge.

By this time, there's a hush over the crowd and everyone in the room for that matter. Jimmy glares angrily, Steven has his typical dazed look, Josh waits for orders like the gullible guy he is, and Kyle seems patient and calm. It's already established that these guys don't understand my theories or reasons. I'm pretty sure most of them could care less about what I am about to do, but will make a scene anyway because that is the kind of people they are. Let them talk. Let them freak. I'm not done pulling my stunt. I have a lot of pent up emotion to let loose, and no one can stop me.

Without saying a word, I take steps back to center stage. The room falls silent except for the sounds of my sneakers on the stage floor, stopping in front of my original spot. For the most part, I try to get my head down or turned away from the audience's view. They know something is wrong, they can feel it. It is never a good idea to let the public in on private matters. I don't want to be too painfully specific, but I rather they know the truth.

My hand adjusts the dynamic microphone to the right angle on the black stand. In doing so, I reveal my weary, pale face to the numerous wide eyes in front of me. I feel ten times worse than I look, but still present an almost "death warmed over"-like image. I'm an Ollie zombie; groggy, disoriented, and empty. I'm harmless to others, but harm_ful _to myself.

"Did you guys like that?" A few cheers respond. I try to fake a smile back, but it's just not as easy as it sounds. "It was a surprise; a spur of the moment thing. None of these guys up here knew about it. Heck, I didn't even know I was going to do it, but I did it. It had to be done."

I am looking out into a sea of confusion. No one wants to listen to this ramble, but I have a lot to say. Right now, I am just beating around the bush and wasting time. Everyone seems impatient.

"That's how life is sometimes, guys. It throws you curve balls and surprises. Sometimes you go with the flow, other times you need to buck the system."

Though I speak to the crowd in a serious manner, I hate the way I sound. This isn't me. I'm not a poetic person; I'm Oliver the dorky donut! That's why Rico wrote that love poem. I rap about cheese jerky and dance in a penguin suit to express myself! These people don't know the real me, and it's too late to let them in now.

"Well tonight, I'm doing just that." I hold the microphone still with one hand. "I'm bucking the system..."

I can tell by the looks in the audience that I am losing them. A few whisper to each other while they wait. One girl's action in particular puts me over the edge. She reaches into her purse, pulls out her fancy, high-tech phone, and starts to type out a text message. My heart continues to fall. This is exactly what I _don't_ need to see. A question floats around in my head, but doesn't stay there for long.

"Are…are you texting your boyfriend?" I timidly ask the quiet girl in the front row. Eyes glance up from the screen. She smiles with a mixture of feeling nervous, embarrassment, and also a little giddy because Smokin Oken's talking directly to her. She nods and slips the phone back into the bag. "_Must be nice…_" I mutter in my head.

"You miss him?" My curiosity deepens, although I do have a point. The girl tries to say "uh huh", but it's so quiet that I can barely hear.

"Let me ask you something." I pop the microphone out of its holder on the stand and look down at her. "If you were separated from this guy for, oh, say six months, you haven't had the chance to really talk and you're totally love sick...would you drop everything and go back home if you could?"

Honestly, I do feel bad for calling this girl out and putting her on the spot. The crowd seems to give her way too much pressure. I don't force an answer; I wait patiently, because I want the truth. After a few seconds of debating, she shakes her head "yes."

"You would..." I reiterate for all those who couldn't see. "I bet most people here would I agree with that." A small group verbalizes their opinion in favor of the idea. Perfect. These people seem to be generally understanding. I don't feel as bad about what I am about to say.

"That's what I'm going through right now, guys. I've gone with the flow for as long as I possible could, but the river ran dry. My...my flower's wilting away."

Jimmy and Steven groan and roll their eyes. To them, it's just more symbolist garbage that gets on their nerves. I'm not trying to be deep, fellas. I'm being serious.

"It's been a great ride. I've had a lot of fun touring and playing for crowds of fans like you guys." I begin. "But for every 'up' I felt on this experience, there was an even greater 'down.' Lately, there haven't been any ups at all. I've done my best to suffer through it for the sake of the tour, but I can only take so much."

Finally, I have every single person in this venue's full attention. All eyes are on me; wide and waiting. I sigh and bite my lip. It's time to drop the bomb and let my heart speak for itself.

"I'm sorry, guys, but I can't standing living another minute like this. Something's telling me I need to be home, and that's exactly where I'm going. I gotta get back to my life. I gotta get back to Lilly..."

Gasps and shouts fill the air. Jimmy throws his sticks out in front of him in anger. I flinch with my eyes clenched tight as they breeze by, barely missing me. Steven starts grumbling some nasty comment as well. Can't they set aside their bitterness for once!? I'm afraid to open my eyes and look at anyone else's reaction. Maybe I should just leave the stage in a sprint now to spare myself from more disgruntled fans and band members.

No, I'm not wimping out on my decision. I have to stand up for what I believe is right. Lilly always tells me to do that.

Eyes pop open and reveal they're red. I am going to try my best not to cry, but firmly stick to explaining instead. "You guys don't know what it's like. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. If you all want to think I'm a wuss, then so be it!"

Shock wears off, because my last comment makes the crowd angry. They start booing and I fear could possible go all "teen mob" on me by assaulting me with whatever's in those over-stuffed purses of theirs and capturing it all on cell phone camera film to further the downfall of my career by posting the footage on the internet.

"You're not going to change my mind!" I exclaim.

Someone shouts "But we love you, Oliver!" and the whole floor starts chanting my name. Their cries do not faze me. I am not going to soak up all this and get talked into something I don't want. Neither a fan nor my band can say a single thing to save this. When I say I'm done with something, _I'm done_.

"Don't love me! I don't _want _you to love me!" Once again, everyone is confused. The looks read "isn't that what this is all about it?" and "are you crazy!?"

"Look," I sigh, putting my mic back on the stand. "Don't love me, because I can't love you back. I _appreciate _you and every thing that you do for me...but I can't love you as much as you love me."

I turn around and look at my band. "Now these guys here. They're different, especially this one." I walk over and put my hand on Kyle's shoulder. "This one here can give you guys his life through music when I can't." Kyle looks skeptically at me. He's not use to the spotlight and the attention because someone has always over shadowed him, be it Jimmy, or a much as I hate to admit it, myself.

"Look to Kyle for a heart to follow. I'm dedicated to someone else."

"Oliver, are you sure you wanna do this?" Kyle questions quietly.

"I have to, man. I know you don't understand why, but I have to."

"But what about Jimmy?" I look behind me and see my drummer scowling behind his set with his arms folded at his chest.

"Maybe he'll respect his little brother more." I pat my guitarist on his back and go back to speaking to the crowd. "Ky's got a great voice. I'm leaving him in charge to finish the show. You'll get your money's worth, trust me."

Kyle smiles and shakes my hand. He's a bit of an introvert, but I knew he is grateful. Josh pokes out from behind some sound equipment on the side of the stage and does the same. Even Steven takes a hesitant walk over and gives me a proper goodbye. All that is left is Jimmy, but I don't expect anything more than a smart remark. He _wants_ me gone, I bet. On the inside, he's really cheering, even though he thinks my reason is baby-ish. I just skip him on my way back to the mic stand to say a few last words.

"Thank you so much for understanding, but I can't stay a second longer. There's something I've been dying to do for the past six month..." I pause and form a dorky smile. "My girl's waiting at home."

I turn around and get ready to bolt off stage when I see Jimmy stand up from his stool. The expression on his face hasn't changed. He is seriously going to start trouble right here, right now?

"Yo, Oken..." He calls my name loud enough to make an echo.

"Yeah?" There is not an ounce of fear in me. Lilly's on my mind and in my heart. She's pumping through my veins. Nothing can get to me now.

"You got guts, kid."

Am I hearing this correctly? Is this a compliment coming from the antagonist; from Mr. Rock star himself? He actually agrees with my decision? All these questions surface, but I don't have the time or desire to seek their answers. I simply just form half a smile and reply. "Thanks."

Claps and chants of my name fill the room to the brim once more. I take one last look at the sea of people below me. Finally: some support. Although it is nice to be appreciated, I don't care how the crowd reacts. The phone in my jeans pocket wants to guide me. It's subconsciously pulling me off stage itself and I'm not resisting.

My hand raises and forms a half wave to the fans, then immediately zoom off stage like a bottle rocket; the anxious feeling builds rapidly with each step. I whizz pass confused crew members and venue employees. Through the halls and down a flight of stairs I fly. It is a one man race to the break room. Lying on the floor beside an arm chair is my old, worn out duffle bag from Seaview High. Inside it are just a few of my essential belongings. This bag is mostly jam-packed with presents for Lilly. I pick something little up for her from every city the bands plays in on this tour. (What can I say? Ollie-pop likes to spoil.) Although I deem my action as "random" and "spur of the moment", this bag has been prepared every since the first gig. Even my subconscious knows I can't be separated from Lilly for such a long period of time.

I clench the fraying mustard-yellow handle of the faded bag, snag my plain navy hoodie from the back of the chair, and do a u-turn as I speed right back up the stairs. The people I pass know I am on a mission. They comment that my dark brown eyes have never been so still. Disregarding all of that, I find my way to the exit and fling the door open with such careless force.

Outside, the air feels cool on my sweaty skin. The van is just down the street, but I don't have keys. The rest of my things are locked inside, but they are of no concern. I know everything will get back to me sooner or later. Besides, I can't drive off with the van and leave the guys stranded anyway. My brain tries to process my next step. Now that I am I standing in the middle of a city sidewalk at eight-thirty at night, I need to work on actually accomplishing my goal: how the heck am I going to get back to Malibu?

"_Think, Oliver. Think_!" Restless thoughts zip around as I stand mumbling to myself. Time is ticking. Resources are slim. I have to work with what I have and improvise the rest. There is no way I'm wasting another sleepless night worrying and missing my girl.

As I rack my brain, I see the glow of yellow lights pop up behind me. Staring at my shadow on the cement, I watch as the beams shrink with every second. Then, I hear a loud engine rumbling and the whoosh of breaks. My head flies around to see a gray city bus stopped just at the end of the block. Like mad, I pound the pavement and sprint towards the vehicle. The door is just about to swing shut when I arrive. I squeeze my way through and up the steps.

"Can this bus take me to Malibu!?" I blurt out, winded from my chase. There is a half bald man in his mid forties wearing a white-collared shirt with the words "Sacramento Public Transit" embroidered in green on the right hand corner and black pants sitting the driver's seat. He glares at me as if I am insane.

"Malibu?" He chuckles. "That's almost seven hours away from here, kid!"

"You don't understand. I_ need _to get to Malibu California _tonight_! It's urgent!"

"I'm sorry, son. I don't know of any bus route that goes there from here."

"How far can you get me?" I ask, trying to weigh out my options. I am prepared to walk all the way. The song _does_ mention walking long distances.

"Oh, a few suburbs outta the city." The man replies, adjusting the ball cap on his head that matches his attire.

"I'll take it!" I exclaim, quickly digging my wallet out of my back pocket and shoving a few bills into the fare machine beside me.

"Go head and take a seat." The bus driver gestures with his hand. "It's getting kinda late so, I need get moving."

"Thank you so much, sir!" I let out a huge sigh of relief with my gratitude. The man laughs to himself as I throw myself into the seat right behind him, sliding all the way over against the window. There isn't another soul on this bus besides the two of us, but I want to be close to the front. I have a feeling that there will be a lot of transfers in my future.

"Don't worry, Lilly-pop." I say to myself as the driver closes the heavy door and begins to move. "I'm coming for you."

* * *

**Lilly's POV:**

I doze off at eight-twenty (more or less my eyes welled up with tears, so I_ have _to close them.) Neither a dream nor a nightmare invades this temporary "sleep." In fact, I don't see anything. It is as if someone hit the pause button for my thoughts. Nothing good can enter, nothing bad can leave. Everything is trapped or hiding from me...including Oliver. Which one is it, my love; trapped or hiding? Is this a joke or does this lack of contact have a meaning behind it?

Eight twenty-five (a whole five minutes more than I expect) and my eyes open themselves once more to the same scene and feeling. My whole arm is numb from leaning on it to hover my head above the phone. I stare concentrated, yet nervous at the device. Dare I check again?

"A_ text will there this time_!" I repeat over and over to myself, trying to build the confidence. Normally, this isn't an issue for me. Even the strong-willed can have doubts. Right now, doubts are just about all that I have. Underneath it all, I want to believe. He wouldn't lie or make a promise that he could not keep. Oliver is sincere and true to me, and deep down, I need to believe that.

Guts are granted; my brain gives my curious heart the go-ahead.

Reaching for my phone, I don't blink and I don't breathe. That anxious knot in my stomach continues to grow as does a tingling, almost paralyzing feeling in my chest. Nerves, I hate them. Fingers twitch as they wrap around the device. With one motion, I flick it open and zero in on the center of the screen. Today is the only day that I do not want to see my boyfriend's face pixilated as the wall paper.

But that is exactly what greets me: a stupid (yet very adorkable) picture. No text messages are waiting for a reply. No missed calls are waiting for me to return them. That boy, my guy, "_Smokin' Oken_", he's trying to kill me...

I take a slow, shaky exhale and lower the phone shut with a snap. Eventually, I shove it in my pocket. The moon streams a beam of light from outside my window and hits my mirror. It catches the corner of my eye and I turn my head towards the glass. A frightening illusion appears; one that is pale and cold, lost and alone. She looks weary and battered just sitting there. Unkempt and mangled hair replaces the soft blonde locks. Her eyes do not have a sparkle of hope, but glisten with tears instead. This graven image reflecting _can't _be me, but it is...

My name is Lillian Truscott, and this is me missing my addiction; my daily dose of dorky donut. This is my life minus its purpose. What I see is a hollowed-out heart, mind, and soul without Oliver. Maybe that is all I am; just a reflection...

That reflection grows tired of looking at herself, so I pull the hood of Oliver's red hoodie up over my head and down far enough that my view is half obstructed. My legs get that crawling, burning sensation in them from falling asleep. I need to get up and walk off this numbness. Muscles and bones have a hard time agreeing. They are sore and stiff. A scowl forms on my tired face when I eventually stand up and make it to my feet. I don't want this life or this feeling anymore.

There is no use pacing in circles. Staring at the same four walls in my current state of mind just isn't healthy either. I become adventurous and decide to leave my bedroom. Tip toeing down the hall, I see that my mother's door is closed, but not all the way. The woman is working feverously on her lap top; the clicking of the keys sound in a sporadic rhythm. My mom suspects I am finishing up homework or that I am in bed even at such an early hour. Being the uptight parent that she is, that is the rule she enforces when school starts. I am supposed to be in my room for the night, therefore I am extremely cautious as I pass her.

I stumble down the old staircase. That is the hardest part about sneaking out of my room. These creaky steps can give away a person's location at any given time. That why Oliver and I use the rope latter in desperate measures. (It works like charm.) Today, I do not need such a tool. I'm staying in doors and not going very far from my bed at all.

Now on the first floor, I make my way into the living room; a most familiar area to Oliver and I. Though it is a little dark, there is no need to turn on any lights. This is not the first time I have navigated my way around this furniture in darkness. Oliver says I make it look easy. He trips over table legs and bumps into bookcases, but always manages to find his to the middle of my brown, worn-out couch. That is exactly where I am headed this evening.

We have had this sofa for ages, my mom and I. Yet when I take a seat on it today, I just now realize how large it is. Sitting here alone makes me feel so small, like I'm five years old again and Oliver and I are watching Pancake Buffalo on TV while eating Fudgy Buddies. That memory feeds my current idea. Feeling along the coffee table in front of me, I come across the universal remote and switch on the flat screen. Maybe I can find something to drown my sorrows or at least make me forget why I have sorrows to drown in the first place. C'mon, television. Rot my brain like everyone claims.

Out of all the hundreds of channels that are available why is it that there is_ never _anything to watch? Each time a click the button on my remote, the selections become worse. It starts with over-rated reality shows like "Teen Wilderness Challenge" and "Teen Court." Watching kids rough it and eat bugs is so eighth grade, and I have put my appearance on the show "where justice is served" behind me. Next, I find sports channels, which don't interest me tonight. Mario Loshambo and his team are getting their butts kicked in the hockey game, and all that watching a tennis match does is cause me to remember Mike and Lola's bickering banter and make me crave chocolate-cover strawberries.

I don't recognize the program is on the station after sports at first. It is not until the combo of over dramatic dialogue and some bad acting surface that it hits me. This is Oliver's dumb old soap opera he watches, with _and _without his grandma. The familiar faces of Erica (or perhaps it's her evil twin cousin) and Storm enter the scene. His two favorite characters indulge in a passionate kiss. Immediately, I need to switch the channel. It just makes me wish I had my sensitive, yet dorky guy to reenact this with me.

All the channels that are left have music programs airing. "Top Rockers" is featuring some artist that I don't know, nor have any interest in discovering. Besides, Oliver hopes to one day be on that show, and that is the last thing I want on my mind. Next, I come across Barney Bittman. My feelings are bitter-sweet towards him now. This guy really likes my Ollie-pop, yet because of his blessing, Oliver gains in popularity nearly every day. (Not to sound selfish, but I see Bittman as helping to put more strains on my relationship, rather than furthering a music career.)

"_One more channel_." I tell myself. "_There has to be something on to help you_."

My thumb hits the "up" button for the last time. It only takes a split second to change signals. What appears on my television screen when it does, however, is _absolutely_ the last thing I need to see.

-"_Welcome back to America's Top Talent_!"-

Oh great. It's the latest season of the very program that made Oliver a household name and a rare visitor in _my own _household.

This show is like a train wreck; no matter how hard I try, I can't look away from the devastation. I watch as Byron crushes one hopeful contestant's dream after another. In all reality, I am thankful that he was extremely out of character when he first heard Oliver sing. Everyone really loves my boyfriend's voice, but no one loves the man as a whole and for everything that he is more than I do. To "America's Top Talent", I owe my thanks _and_ my misery.

The announcer explains that the show has a new segment this year called "ATT: Replay", where they showcase past contestants and his or her success. Before my heart has a chance to skip a beat, before my stomach gets to sink, before my gut can give me a sign, Oliver's face is plastered all over my screen set to a music montage. Clips from his performances on TV are shown, including the one where he clinched the semi-final spot and almost lost me to his own ego-explosion. Oliver isn't like that anymore. He tells me that attitude is long gone, yet these past few days have made me beg to differ. I love the guy no matter what. It's just not in me to truly_ hate _Oliver. Sure, he needs a reality check every once and a while, but when he's with me, Oliver is sweet, funny, dorky- everything I need. This seemingly harmless promo is making me teary-eyed and miserable.

But now I hear and see my Ollie-pop giving an interview to that annoying reporter Brian Winters that I don't remember taking place. His hair is shorter and styled different so I know this footage must be fairly recent. When Oliver looks straight into the camera and flashes a trademark grin, I want to jump up out of my seat and hug the television, as embarrassing as that sounds. Instead, I stare half admiring and half lusting after my boyfriend. Oh what I would give to be able to jump through the screen and into "Oken Land" at this very moment.

"_So Oliver, what got you to audition for America's Top Talent_?"

"_It's not what, it's who...and that would be my wonderful girlfriend, Lilly_."

A small smile curls on my face from the comment. Oliver thinks I'm a wonderful girlfriend and gives me credit where credit is due.

"_You've got a girlfriend, huh_?"

"_Yes sir. My best friend since preschool. We're in this for the long run. She supports me, and I love her very much_."

Though I am still uneasy about the current situation, I can feel myself blushing at the kind words. I remember everything; even what he wore the first day we hugged. Supporting his dreams come natural when I realize that one of them is to grow old with me. Truth be told, Oliver is my everything, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

"_Did you ever stop and think about touring? You certainly have potential to strike a deal or two_."

Wait, what? This interview is _pre_ tour time? I swear, it looks only weeks old to me! Oliver usually tells me when things like this take place. Hmm. My eye brow raises, and I continue to watch in confusion.

"_Touring would be great_."

"_What about that girlfriend of yours? I believe you said her name was Lilly? What would she think of you being away on the road for months at a time_?"

Brian asks _the _question. He brings up my daily struggle. I can't believe he wants to tackle such a subject. More importantly, I need to hear Oliver's answer. Curiosity makes me wonder if it is different than what is really happening.

_"In a perfect world, she'd go with me."_

"_I'm more about the "what ifs" of life. Lets say your other half doesn't get to tag along. How do you make your relationship work under those circumstances_?"

"_Call her every day, as many times as I could. Text her special messages. I'd do everything I can to let her know I'm thinking about her_."

Is that right, Oliver? That's _exactly _it? How come I am waiting desperately by the phone like a love-sick puppy, sulking because that promise has not been kept!? Why is this all a lie!?

"_You really sound dedicated to this girl_!"

"_Of course I am. She knows it, too_."

"_What would you say to Lilly if she was watching right now and you got your shot to tour across the country_?"

"_Hey, Lilly-pop, sweetie. You're Ollie-pop misses you very much. I'm always thinking 'bout you, babe. See you soon! Love you_!"

Oliver blows a kiss to the camera and I blow a fuse. Seeing his face at first is warm and comforting, but what I don't need to listen to is more of this slander.

Frustrated, I shut the TV off at once and toss the remote behind me. It lands with a dull thud somewhere on the beige carpet. The mix of an anxiety attack, withdrawal, disappointment, and heart ache form a horrible concoction and sends the most unpleasant feeling blasting through me. Do I miss him- incredibly! Do I believe in his words? Well, I'm not so sure anymore. If the falling out from earlier hadn't occurred, maybe I would be behaving normally. Since that is not the case, my mind tells my body that I have every reason to act and feel this way.

I don't even know what it is that I want from Oliver exactly. A stupid text may not be enough to calm my nerves and satisfy my need. I want contact; physical contact. I want to hold him, kiss him, and hear his own heart beat instead of the sound of my own shallow and pathetic one. Tell me the truth. Show me proof.

Distraught, my head falls straight into my hands. I burry deep into them and sob. "Oliver, are we _really_ in this for the long run or not?"

* * *

**Oliver's POV:**

This is, without a doubt, the _longest _night of my life! Not even the first night on the van with the guys can compare to how I feel now. Every second just drags on and on as if they are double, maybe triple in length. It doesn't_ have _to be this way. I don't _have _to go through all this extra effort just to prove a point.

But having to do something is different that wanting to do it. In this case, I neither have to nor want to get back to Lilly. It is a dire _need_ that I see her tonight...preferably_ now_.

I make so many bus transfers in the late evening hours that I lose count. Every new driver has a different way of saying I'm insane for doing this. Some are subtle and almost understand. Others boldly laugh in my face, yet accept me as a passenger. Their opinions do not matter. As long as I have enough cooperation to get the job done, I don't see a reason to complain.

Public transportation doesn't last forever, though. They have tight schedules to follow and must end all routes on time. Around midnight, I am left stranded in some small town, still a good two hours away from the love of my life. This presents a rough challenge: how do I proceed from here? Keep in mind I am still a minor; if I'm caught roaming the streets, the authorities can report me. My mother has police connections all across the state. That spells trouble, and I would never see Lilly after that.

After wandering for a few blocks, I finally spot a convenient store with a sign lit that says it is open twenty-four hours. Curious, I head inside and decide to see if someone working can offer any help. Honestly, I am skeptical. These people are notorious for not caring (and not speaking English either.) Lucky for me, there is an older lady behind the counter tonight who seems capable of compassion. It takes her a while to warm up to me and my story, but eventually, I tug at some heart strings. She does suggest I find somewhere to stay and pick up my journey in the morning, but I turn down the idea politely as possible. Lilly can't wait another second, let alone another night without me and vise versa.

Instead, I ask if the taxi cab service runs this late and if so, if I may call for one. She hands me a phone book with a smile on her face, saying that my girlfriend is very lucky to have a guy like me. I blush as I dial the number on the store's telephone. (At this point, I'm too emotionally torn inside to even look at my cell phone.) Betty, the kind cashier, tells me that I can grab a snack for the road. I contemplate on buying Lilly a chocolate bar, because I'm way too jittery to eat myself. Eventually, I decided on a sweet treat for my Lilly-pop. When the taxi arrives, I thank the woman working graciously and hop inside the vehicle. Once again, it takes some convincing, but with my haggling skills (which have improved greatly since the flea market in eighth grade and the sophomore year rummage sale) I manage to strike a deal with the driver: Malibu or bust.

So now I sit slouching in the back seat of the bright yellow vehicle. It's only a two hour drive, yet it feels like I'm riding in circles. Glancing at the clock on the cab's dashboard, I see that it reads two o'clock in the morning. A yawn tries to work its way out of my mouth but fails. My eyes are heavy, but not with sleep. They're sore and sunken. Tears fall easier than I like to admit, but right now, the ducts are dry. Those numb feelings and attitude return. I think I am past the point of wanting to cry, or at least I can refrain from it temporarily.

Scenery changes, but it is too hard to tell exactly where I am at night. Skies are dark and begin to gray as I travel forward. At one point along the way, rain begins to fall. It is not a torrential downpour, just a nonsense drizzle. This is just enough to make conditions for the driver difficult and to make my mood plummet and my worries sky-rocket.

I lean my head up against the cool glass and sigh. My breath makes a small portion of condensation fog up on the window. Slowly, I pick my finger up and decide to make a little picture. Instead of using words, I draw symbols to express my feelings and thoughts. There is what's supposed to be a donut, a heart, and a flower all in a row. The donut "hearts" the flower: _I love Lilly_.

Then I turn to an old childhood pastime that Lilly and I share: staring at the rain drops as they slide across the window. As I watch a tiny droplet glide, my brains starts to make a weird connection. It seems like this water drop and I are going through the same issue right now. Both of us are stuck in a place we don't want to be in and are trying desperately to change that. How long can we survive on our own before we reach the thing that makes us complete? The drop I am watching just wants to make it across the glass to form with another one. My little friend _does _win its race. It meshes with the drop waiting for it on the far side, and the two slide down the window together, perfectly content. If they get a happy ending, then why can't I? All I want is to reach my goal and absorb myself in Lilly just like water.

I don't realize just how much time I spend with these twisted inner thoughts of mine. The taxi cab driver announces that we are in the city of Malibu and that he needs further direction from here. Now I start to see familiar sights. The mall is closed, and Seaview High's parking lots are empty. Even in the rain, the beach looks like a scene from a post card. This is my home town, but I am not _home_ just yet.

Inward spazzing builds. My brain and heart start some sort of anxious count down as I pass palm tree after palm tree. The vehicle turns on to mine and Lilly's street. I don't even bother looking at my own house to see if either one of my parents are home or awake. All my focus and attention is on the Truscott residents; my second home since pre-k. Inside that building is my beautiful angel; my loving little Lilly-pop.

The cab stops and pulls over right in front of Lilly's house. I notice that there aren't any cars parked in the driveway. That must mean Heather's is in the garage. Mine and Lilly's car remains stationary across the street where I last left it. She doesn't want to go for a drive in our car alone. Lilly can't take the feeling, but she doesn't have to worry about that anymore. Immediately, I undo my seat belt, gather my bag, and hop out of the cab, slamming the door shut.

"Ahem." The driver points to the cab's meter and glares. There's a little thing called a fee, Oliver. I am not going to skip out without paying, of course.

"Sorry. Just a little...excited..." I explain slightly embarrassed.

Squinting to read the amount I owe this man, I nearly get a heart attack from the size of the number. It takes a second to regain my composure, but when I do, I take out my wallet and being silently counting my money. "Will, uh...will this cover it?" I ask, handing over what I hope is a sufficient amount.

"You're short." The man reports.

"Can't you cut me a _little _slack?" My tone begs for mercy. "I already explained how important this trip is to me!"

"Kid, I should have kicked you out miles ago." He replies. "I don't mean to be rude, but I need the _exact_ fare."

"Uh, yeah. Of course." I laugh nervously. "I, uh. I have that!"

Now I make a frantic search through all the contents of my beat-up wallet for more cash. Lets see. There are receipts that Lilly tells me to save, my Yippy Yummy Yogurt discount card, (They may have messed me up with the job application, but they have the _best _"froyo" in the world.), and my driver's license. The main pocket is empty.

The driver drums his fingers impatiently. I need to come up with some extra cash and fast! My nervous eyes meet the picture of Lilly that I always keep in the back section of my wallet. Her smile beams some reassurance at me. This is last year's school picture; a few months in to our relationship. On the back, it reads as such:

"_Ollie-pop: We may be dating, but you're still a dork. No, you're my dork! Thanks for always being there when I need you. Now I can be there for you, Lilly-pop. P.S. One day you will see that Radiohead is so much better than Coldplay_!"

I laugh because she wrote in black pen originally, then had to make a correction in blue. We just started saying "I love you" the next day, so she crossed out her name and wrote "_Love_, Lilly-pop" instead.

Then it hits me. I know where I have some money hidden. Just behind my girlfriend's picture, there is a hundred dollar bill. I keep it tucked away safe because I plan on using it to buy Lilly and I tickets to the Radiohead concert coming up later in the fall. She doesn't know I have cash stashed away or that I even want to go see her favorite band. It is a surprise; a surprise that, as of now, has no chance of actually happening. This last bill needs to be put towards paying off the cab fare. What a bitter-sweet moment.

"How's this?" I sigh and hand over the last remaining form of currency I possess. The driver double checks the machine and nods.

"You have a nice night, son." He tells me and drives off down the other end of my road. Why do I stand here and watch such a thing? I have a girlfriend to hold, kiss, and, well, whatever else we feel doing! Get moving!

I turn on a dime and start bolting up the sidewalk. A lone street light flickers in the distance, lighting the pathway up to the Truscott's porch. Both the cement sections and stairs are a little slippery due to the rain. The weather is now starting to calm; the precipitation does not fall quiet as heavy. It is as if it is a sign that says I'm back where I belong. Everything is alright now.

When I reach the steps, my first reaction is to just bust the door off its hinges and barrel straight on through the house. Common sense does kick in and stop me. It's either incredibly late or early (depending on everyone's opinion on two-thirty am.) Even though I am sure that Ms. T is out cold in her room upstairs, I can't just go charging into her house like this. Lilly should be asleep, too, but something in my gut tells me she is not. If that's the case, then that is all the more reason to essentially "break and enter." She needs me...or is I need her more?

That spare key of mine is around here somewhere! Once I find the silver life saver, I carefully unlock the wooden door, turning the key in small increments so that the noise is kept to a minimum. The door creaks as I push it open to get inside the house. I make sure to shut and lock it once more when I am finished. Step one: complete. Now to find Lilly.

My wet sneakers make that terribly annoying squeaking sound on the tile of the kitchen floor as I make my through the room. According to the layout of the Truscott house, I have to pass the living room in order to reach the stairs that lead to the bed rooms. I don't make it as far as a two steps into that room before a see a depressing sight. Lilly is curled up on her side on the couch with my red hoodie on and pulled down over her face, sniffling and shivering. She's a mess in every way, shape, and form, and clearly, I am the one to blame. Why did I leave her? This is nothing but a flashback to the ATT semi-finals. I get chance after chance to redeem myself, but I never learn. Now is the time to change that and prove myself.

"Lilly?"

I call my girlfriend's name quietly, but just loud enough for her to hear. She twitches in response. Her eyes are slow to move as she cracks them open seemingly against their will. It is now that I can see just how puffy, red, and sore they are. There's no doubt in my mind that my poor baby cried herself to sleep tonight. "Ol...Oliver?" Lilly questions with her dry, scratchy voice.

She appears broken-spirited and broken souled, but I pray to God that Lilly is not broken hearted. Just the mire image and thought causes me to have shortness of breath. It is not easy coming face-to face with reality when it's such a bitter picture. The reason for my existents grows lonely and cold in her own sulking manner. I reap what I sew.

"Surprise?" I bit my lip as a nervous reaction. I can sense that Lilly and I are not on the same wave length right off the bat. Something about my presence irks her. Is it my worst fear come true? Am I a fool for having done all this for girl who lost her faith in me?

"Oh no, not again..." Lilly wines, burying her head in the tiny throw pillow. It isn't clear to me whether she want to erase the situation, or just erase me completely.

"What's wrong?" I ask perplexed. Coming home is supposed to make me whole again. This heavy weight of insecurity around my heart needs to crumble to pieces now that I am here. Where is the smiling face I want? Why am I being greeted in such a way as if I'm not welcome?

"I'm having the stupid dream again..." She trails, pounding her fist against the couch cushion in frustration.

"Huh?"

"The one where you show up saying you're done with this stupid tour! That your sick of this fame and wanna go back to being Ollie-pop, not Ollie-pop _star_!" Lilly sniffs and sits up angrily with her hands in her lap. "Well I'm sick of having this happen every time I'm lucky enough to get a little sleep!"

My face is paired with a reoccurring dream? All of what Lilly says figuratively knocks the wind out of me. Her exact quotes match my actions verbatim. Truth is behind every word describing her inner thoughts. What I don't understand is why Lilly has such a hatred for this. I am only standing here because I love her, miss her, and can't take the risk of loosing everything I have. Maybe this is _my_ dream, only it's more of a nightmare.

"But it's not a dream!" I protest strongly. Lilly should know the difference.

"Why does this keep happening!?" Lilly sobs, lowering her head. "It only makes me miss the real Oliver more!"

"But I _am _the real Oliver!"

"Everything's playing out just like it usual does!" Lilly makes her point without looking at me.

"What happens next in this dream?" I question, trying to get a feel for this imaginary scenario so I can break the pattern and prove my existence.

"You say Orlando Bloom can have his way with me and you finally take my side in the Radiohead verse Coldplay debate."

"Orlando's a flake, and honey, I'll go to the grave defending Chris and the guys."

"Oliver!?" Lilly pops her head up gasps at my answers. The truth finally settles: her brain and her heart know that I am honestly standing in her living room tonight, unannounced and unexpected.

"Want me to pinch ya just in case?" I wink and form my classic dorky grin in hopes that it will ease her into listening to the deep conversation that waits in the back of my mind.

"Ollie-pop!"

Lilly flies off of the couch and rushes towards me. Immediately, I drop my duffle bag straight to the floor; the contents shift as it falls. I can't stand back and watch her leap on me. However the single-handed assault does begin to wither away at the thick block of worries I have hanging around me. She's not the only one pent up complications. Don't think I don't have dreams like this, too, my dear. Only this time, I _know_ I am awake. I know that what is taking place is doing so in real-time.

We meet in the middle, our bodies merging in a tight embrace. Though it is assumed that I can read my girlfriend's mind since we know each other so well, Lilly is a blank page to me at the moment. I wonder how I feel and come across as to her. To me, Lilly feels cool to the touch, even in my hoodie. She seems so frail and fragile as well. That's oddly out of character. When I have nothing to propel me, I look to Lilly-pop for strength. It looks as though me being gone sucks the life right out of both of us. Now it's time to rejuvenate. Ignoring any and all thoughts and surroundings, we leave ourselves pressed together.

Only when I hear a soft, yet sharp inhale escape Lilly's mouth, do I become concerned. I pull back slightly, and I see that a few tears are ready to fall at any second. Do I hurt her still?

"I was just so certain..." Lilly quivers. I rub her back when she shakes. Why does my little girl still have the look of distraught on her face? I am supposed to be saving her, saving _us. _

"Certain of what?" I push back the hood that Lilly hides from the world in and reply in the same tone.

"Certain it was a dream...Certain you wouldn't be back..."

I knew I had a genuine reason to act so rationally. It's a good thing I listen to heart. Another day on the road, and I may not have a girlfriend to come home to anymore. That is why I am here now.

I take hold of both sides of Lilly's slick, tear-stained face and bring her to eye level. Behind the glossy surface, the sparkle I love and miss so dearly tries to connect with me. She blinks and a tear from each eye slips. They trickle down to my thumbs, where I wipe them away.

"Be certain of this..."

Though there is a fiery urge circulating through my veins to utilize our favorite piece of furniture that is a few steps to our right to show Lilly just how strong my desires for her are, I have enough common sense to go for the adorkable moment. After nearly six long months of withdrawal, lips finally capture what is rightfully mine. Here come the butterflies and the fireworks; this kiss is even better than our first one. Lilly responds just enough to mimic deep feelings. The sweet taste and tickling sensations mix. Now my own eyes water. They fill up, and I don't try to stop them from overflowing. I am caught, however, and Lilly's ends the kiss.

"I love you, Lilly-pop..." I say low and smoothly.

"I love you, too, Ollie-pop." Lilly sniffles. We both find it hard to control our emotions.

"Then why are you are you crying, baby?" I ask, brushing stray strands of hair that stick to her wet cheeks.

"I'm just so happy..." She admits with a blush. "Happy to see you. Happy to feel you..." Lilly puts her innocence on hold and lets a seductive smile curl. "And incredibly happy to taste you!"

The second her sentence ends, Lilly lunges and attacks me with kisses; excitement fluttering throughout our minds, bodies, and souls. (She is the first to act on impulse and when play it calm. I guess I don't need to hold back as much after all.) Some are sudden and sort of sloppy. Others are soft and sweet. All of them are heart-felt in one way or another.

She's taking control just like any given day. It's official; my girlfriend's back to normal.

"_Oh, _I've missed you." I half sigh, half moan into our last kiss. My hands run through her beautiful blonde hair for the first time in months. When it ends, I motion to the couch behind us, which is an offer to sit down and lose ourselves in one another in a more comfortable environment. Lilly smiles in agreement and takes my hand. I lace our fingers together and take a seat, carefully guiding her down beside me. I slouch against the loose back pillow of the couch while Lilly finds her way to the classic spot, and fits her head into the crook of my neck. To an outsider's point of this, this is just a scene from a typical late-night get together. In my head, I'm still somewhat tense.

"I still can't believe your actually here." Lilly words vibrate through my body.

"I guess-" I cough nervously. "I guess I owe you an explanation..."

I feel Lilly freeze and our fingers unlace. Now we're on the same page. Unfortunately, the content is not so easy to read. "Yeah. Yeah, you do..." She picks her head up and turns to me giving off a serious persona with a hint of dagger eyes. "There's a lot you need to clear up."

"Am I in the dog house?" Inside, I'm worried sick.

"One foot in, one foot out."

"But I'm_ here_." I try to glorify the fact that I just spent nearly seven hours conquering all sorts of obstacles just to see the glow of my girlfriend's face and have it lit my fire again. "Doesn't that make things any better?"

"I'd still like to know, Oliver."

"You were on the right track with your dream. Well, the first part anyway." Removing my shoes with my feet, I kick them off and push them underneath the coffee table. Just in my socks, I raise my legs up on the couch to sit Indian style and turn my body in Lilly's direction. "Don't you notice that I came back a whole two, three weeks early?"

"The date you were supposed to be here is circled on every calendar in the house, and I have sticky notes with it on them posted everywhere." Lilly tells me of her obsession to keep tabs of my estimated time of arrival; when our nightmare would end. She sits in the same manner as me; the only difference being is she barefoot. "Believe me, I kept track."

"Well that date wasn't working for me." I announce, taking her hand once more. "I mean, there were times when I thought I could handle it, because I had your blessing. You told me to make you proud, and I tried, Lilly. I really tried."

"You _do_ make me proud, honey." My hand receives a comforting squeeze. As soon as I feel her magic working, Lilly adds more to her statement that hinders it. "But you also have the ability to make me stressed and strung out, especially these past few days."

"That's why I'm here, sweetie, don't you get it? I ditched the guys, abandoned the tour, and pulled out all the stops just to make it tonight, because I feared you felt like that." I am one hundred percent honest. "It's a darn good thing I did, isn't it? You really do feel that way..."

Brown eyes twitch at her like they could spring a leak. Can't she see my reason? Does she understand the concerns?

"You...you really quit your tour and gave up all of that based on a gut feeling that I could be falling apart beyond repair?"

I take a deep breath in and out before being very blunt with my reasoning. "I don't wanna live out of a suit case anymore. I've traveled by van so much that I've developed motion sickness. I can't stand being with immature musicians with contaminated brains, whose life mission is to play tricks and set things up so it looks like I'm being an obnoxious, unfaithful jerk to you. And if I had to wake up alone one more time, I swear, I'd go bananas."

I pause to observe Lilly's reaction. There is relatively no change. She's just listening to my rant attentively and quiet. For the finale of this outburst, I dig deep into my pocket and pull out the main supplier of all this pent up frustration. "But most of all, I don't _ever_ want to have to rely on a stupid, good-for-nothing, piece of junk like _this,_ just to know if you're still breathing!"

The blue cell phone finally gets what it deserves as I slam it down of the table so hard that it pops off the battery covering. A sharp exhale makes my nostrils flair. Her blue eyes are still trying to absorb the shock of the situation, but Lilly is able to give me a surprise of her own. She, too, takes out her phone and places it right next to mine, but in a more careful manner. We don't need theme anymore: simple as that. Seeing Lilly agree by mimicking my actions eases tension. Soon we both smile faintly and lean in for kiss to further dissolve our sour feelings.

"You _did _know..." Lilly sounds astonished. "You knew all along and felt just as bad."

"I started the show in Sacramento a complete wreck. To help, I tried switching up the set list to start off with a song dedicated to you. All it did was make matters worse." I explain. "And when I didn't hear from you, I...I lost it. Something inside of me snapped and I bolted for the door."

"Well _I_ was waiting on _you_." She admits, shyly. "You promised me I'd hear from you, remember?"

"Isn't _seeing __me_ much better?" I try to shine a light on my extra effort.

"Snuggling with you is a billion times better..."

Lilly wedges herself between me and the back pillows of the couch. She curls up against my side, fitting just right. Her head buries deep in my clothes. "I've missed this more than anything." She adds.

"Really?" I kiss the top of her head. A faint apple scent still emits.

"Mmhmm." My neck is nuzzled. "That's why I wear you hoodie all the time. It's the next best thing to you."

"Well you do look good in it." I tilt my head down and compliment. This old, faded thing has been around for almost a year now. I don't take much notice to it, but I guess it has amazing healing powers. It seems like Lilly likes that hoodie more than me right now! Am I seriously getting jealous? "But I'm here now. I'd like to do my job."

Sly as a fox, I reach my arm around and every so slowly slide the zip down and off its track. Once it's open, I carefully brush away the red fabric from her shoulders. One at a time, I tug on the sleeves and free Lilly's arms. I toss the beloved article of clothing behind us nonchalantly. Lilly props her back up against me. My arms hold her tight and rub skin so that she is nice and warm; just like she feels when she wears my hoodie. This fuzzy feeling I get from this action starts to become a little more in depth. My devilish grin is in Lilly's blind spot, so she doesn't have any time to prepare when my soft lips meet the smooth skin of her neck. A combination gasp of excitement and sigh of pleasure escapes.

"_Oliver_..." Her voice is like velvet and melts me. I smile on her skin when I hear it. Lilly's giggle passes right through her body and into mine. Heads turn and stretch in any way possible just so our mouths may have a long-awaited heated collision**.** Hello, Lilly's tongue. It's been ages since we've seen (rather felt) each other. Oh the sensation that shockwaves down my spine! This is it: we're melting like the rain drops, eclipses like the sun and the moon. We sink into the couch and let things flow...

Lilly and I both do an excellent job of "making up for lost time." Everything returns as second nature. No one needs to familiarize themselves with the territory in front of them. Not that I ever want to spend an extended period of time away from my girlfriend again, but at least I know Lilly and I can spring right back into action.

I crack my back as I slouch against the arm of the couch. The navy hoodie I walked in wearing now rest behind me and my shirt is...well, who knows where that thing is. My bottoms are on, but the fly of my skinny jeans is pulled down partly. I look to Lilly, who is having a fight with her stubborn tank top. It doesn't seem to want to go back over her head (and I wouldn't mind if it didn't.) Eventually, she gets the fabric to obey with my assistance. Any guy can take his girl's clothes off, but it takes a real gentleman to help put them back on afterwards. That is my odd form of chivalry. Lilly actually finds it really sweet, too.

"Ok, I take it back!" Lilly announces in a huff and flops down right in the center of my bare chest, exhausted. "I missed that a lot, too."

"_Who's better now, Lilly: me or my hoodie_?" I chuckle to myself. Blonde, straggly hairs cover her face, so I remove and tuck them behind her ears. "I missed everything and all of you."

Sweaty and all, I press my lips to Lilly's forehead with a smile. Her chins props up as she reaches to play with my sticky bangs. I never got a real answer if she likes my new style or not, but I love it when Lilly ruffles my hair, so I keep it long enough and shaggy enough for play. We gaze loving and have the classic, cheesy romance moment. It's not often that we fit a stereotype other than dorky. In the midst of this eye-shimmering scene, I fidget underneath her. All of Lilly's actions stop.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm cold." I reply simply.

Reaching out and stretching my arms backwards, I mange to find the sleeves of my dark blue hoodie and put my arms through the wholes. (That takes skill and a lot of practice.) Lilly does have to graciously lean back just a smidge for this to happen. The navy covering hangs loosely around my upper body. It's not just my arms that have a chill. Despite the fact that sweat glistens as it drips in lines down my chest, it is also cool. Without thinking first, I go to zip up my hoodie. Of course, this becomes a fail: Lilly has a rebuttal.

"Oh no you don't!" The slap Lilly unleashes on my hand doesn't come as a surprise, but it _does_ hurt. I laugh at her adorable, control action, while the face she gives me in return is really rather stern. "You still owe me, mister!" Lilly growls.

"Quiet, Lills, honey. You'll wake your mom!" I whisper in the same tone, holding my point finger to my mouth.

"_I'll_ wake her? After your _oh yeah _fit!?" She points out my need to use that phrase excessive when we're "together" with a laugh. "I don't think so."

"I wouldn't be talking, little miss "_eep_!" Yes, we argue over who's trademark phrase is more fun to tease the other with; we're Oliver and Lilly!

"Oh, don't act like ya don't love it!"

Lilly playfully jabs me in the gut with her elbow at the end of the sentence. Usually, I fake that I am in some about of crippling pain, but I don't have to pretend. This twisted display of affection seriously has a stinging presence. Our eyes meet just after I wince. We exchange smiles; this is all a game to us. Gently, I press my lips to her nose, but Lilly isn't feeling sweet and innocent. She wants a more substantial, more savory kiss. When I pull back, our mouth collides for a wholesome experience.

"Are we gonna start this again?" I ask, intrigued.

"That depends: you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'...?" Lilly steals my line. (I'm looking into how I can claim the exclusive, North American rights to that and "Oh Yeah.")

"I'm thinking about what a lucky guy I am to have such an amazing, beautiful girlfriend." I opt for the humble answer.

"Ollie..." Lilly blushes, which causes me to blush as well. She lightly kisses my cheek and wraps her around me, but_ underneath_ the open hoodie. (Can't get enough of the Greek god bod.) We rest our head upon each others shoulder and wish time would just stop ticking for once. This is a moment I crave. Soak it in slowly, Oliver. My dry, shriveled heart needs to absorb every bit. It plans to make a full recovery from its dehydrated state.

Suddenly, we are jarred from this position but a loud buzz. One quick turn of our head, and we see that it is Lilly's cell phone vibrating on the table that is making the noise.

"Who the heck is texting you this late?" I ponder out loud.

Lilly shrugs and picks up the phone. Her eye brows rise in confusion and astonishment. "It's...it's from_ you_..."

"Impossible; I'm sitting right here!"

It's not until Lilly flicks open the phone and reads the message out loud that I fully understand:

*_About to go on stage. Just wanted to let to know I'm thinking about you and miss you, babe. I know we had a rough few days. Tour is really taking its toll on me. I hope you are staying strong for your sake and mine. No matter what happens, I'll always love you, Lilly-pop. Believe it. Trust it. Don't forget it. You get plenty of rest for school now, sweetheart. In a few weeks at this time, I'll be lying next to you, and everything will be alright again. Sweet dreams. Love, Oliver.*_

It's my message, alright. My four hundred and fifty-plus character text message finally arrives. I was so paranoid, so distraught over its delivery. The message contains so many words that it went over both of our limits. Lilly receives it about seven hours too late and in a couple different sections. She closes the phone nears tears. Wow...

"Your special text..." I breathe. "It made it..."

"I- I thought you forgot."

"I thought you were mad and just didn't reply. I guess we both over reacted." I admit a mistake when I see one.

"Yeah..." Lilly replies. "Guess we did..."

We remain still as statues when we reveal our true thought processes. No one looks the other in the eye. The silence is used as a time to really stop and think about today's situation. Lilly being Lilly, has her revelation first.

Or is it more that she has the ability to think of teasing comments faster than I do?

"Drama King!" Lilly spits out and point her finger at me.

"Uh, that makes you a drama _queen_!" I am quick to make such a connection.

"Well I _am_ stuck taking intro this year." Lilly grumbles about her school schedule. "But don't under estimate my powers!"

"Never! I know better than that!" Hands fly up in a surrender-like fashion. "I bow before your great, controlling ways." I do just as I say.

"Oh really?" Lilly questions skeptically. "Then can I skip school tomorrow to stay with you, Ollie-pop?" I am being shown the cutesy face. How come _I'm_ not allowed to pull that move when I want something, but Lilly is? I can't fight the adorable face, but tonight, I am feeling tough. Some of Lilly's extra strength must have rubbed off on me when we were, well, when I was taking care of my jealous hoodie issues.

"School's way too important to mess around with, honey. You want to be a teacher, and they have to be there all the time. Besides, I'm going back tomorrow, too."

"Why?" She asked shocked and confused. "You don't have any books or half your clothes."

"I got enough in that duffle bag to get me through the rest of the week." I point to my belongings. "Plus, I think there might be some presents in there for a certain someone..."

"Presents with a's'!? As in plural!? For me!?"

Holding back a laugh, I nod and watch Lilly scramble to retrieve the bag. When she turns around, I see that her tank top is actually on inside out; the seams are clearly visible. Sorry for not double checking when we redressed, Lilly-pop. She isn't aware of this, and I don't want to ruin things by informing her. In a strange way, she looks cute with her shirt like this. It's Lilly; she's always cute.

"Careful now." I warn as she plops right down on the cushion in the space in between my legs, which are stretched out long ways. Excited like it's Christmas morning, Lilly zips open the bag at once and starts rummaging. The first box she comes across, (as there are actually quite a few things for her) has a pair of turquoise earrings in it.

"Oliver they're gorgeous!" Lilly exclaims wide-eyed and mesmerized by the sparkling jewelry that matches her eyes. "They must have cost a fortune, though!"

"Anything for you, babe." I tack a peck on Lilly's cheek from behind with my reply. She wants to show her gratitude and turns to affectionately kiss my lips.

"I can't wait to wear them to school tomorrow!" She squeals with joy.

"Speaking of which, I think it's time we got some sleep. You have your alarm set?"

"It is on my phone." Lilly tells me. "My mom works later, so we'll be gone before she gets up."

Lilly closes the earring box and puts it back in the bag. She zips it up and cautiously lowers it to the floor beside us. "Don't you wanna go upstairs?" She lets a question slip. "You'd be able to stretch out there and have a real pillow and blanket."

"To tell ya the truth, there's no place I'd rather be than right here in the spot, cuddling with you."

I place my hand on Lilly's waist, gently lowering her back down against my bare chest. (Forget a swimmer's body. I prefer my girlfriend's surfer and skater body over anything else.) She curls up towards the center, finds a position to settle in for the night, and lets her heavy eyes close themselves. I hold her snug in that position, rocking slightly.

"Ollie-pop?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you sing to me?" A request is made sweetly and sleepily.

"Singing is all I've been doing for months." I state. "I'm kind getting tired of hearing it."

"But I haven't heard you sing in forever."

"Not tonight, Lilly."

"But Oliver..." Lilly doesn't whine, but the tone in her voice is a persuasive one.

I sigh. "What song, my love?"

"Anything." She murmurs. I know for a fact that the second I open my mouth to sing, I'm going to be interrupt by the cutest snore escaping form Lilly. She's dead tired. We both are. It is impossible to say no to someone like her, though.

"A few bar from a chorus." I explain my plan.

"Perfect..." Lilly trails.

Quietly, I clear my throat as Lilly snuggles her face against me. I know exactly what I want to sing to her. It is how felt all along and how I'm feeling this instant.

"_My beating heart belongs to you. I'd walk for miles til I found you. I'm here to honor you_."

My head hangs just above Lilly's angelic face. The smile on it is one I have never seen before. It gives me hope, security, and purpose; Lilly gives me something to live for.

"_If I lose everything in the fire_-"

I pause and close my eyes. My weary head rests face-first on her own as I breathe the final message: "_I'm sending all my love to you_."

* * *

**Ahh, Loliver fluff. I love the warm, fuzzy feeling it brings. As usual, I tried to end this story about four times, but just kept thinking of new ideas. This turned into quite an emotional rollercoaster, but I hope you enjoyed the end result. Reviews/comments/thoughts; leave me anything that's on your mind about the chapter or the whole thing. **

**Thank you so much for reading.**

-Marissa

**I just want one make one last quick statement. It doesn't matter what happens March 7th and 14th. This is fan FICTION; we can write _anything_ we want. There are plenty more Lollies in the heads of the great writers on this site. I plan to keep hashing away at a few ideas. These two are just too darn adorkable and perfect to abandon!**


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